Okay. So I’ve been a major Morrfail lately and I’ve not been posting in my blog. I’m pretty stressed out but I hope to get back into my groves this week. I don’t think it helps that I’ve been going to sleep at like 9PM, I must be getting old really. The last week or so has been relatively regular except for a few things, like my stepdad serving my mum with divorce papers. Bad day in the house.
So why am I Melodramatic Morrigan? Well last night, while watching Bones *Weird I know but keep reading* I realized something that made me very depressed. I am twenty five with two kids and no opportunities for romance anymore. I’m going to die by my worst fear, alone. I was just thinking about how impossible it is to hold a romantic relationship with two kids, it’s hard enough without them. I can’t even think of a reason why someone would be interested in me.
So I was thinking about it and I’m 25, not very old, and my life is (proverbial) already over. I can’t image a person that would want to be with me romantically while I have kids, especially kids that are as young as they are. I am a romantic at heart and sometimes watching romantic movies, shows, reading books and all that jazz really hurts. I want would adore having someone romantically interested in me, but I know that isn’t possible for me anymore. I am not sure that I would be able to accept romantic interest without a lot of pushing from someone that is interested in me.
I’m very lonely and I fear I will always be lonely because there may be no room for romance left in my life and even if it showed up I’m not sure I would accept it or recognize it. I want it but how could I accept it?