Alright, so I think I took on too much and I’m starting to feel the effects of it. I’m unfocused, I have a constant ringing headache. I want to finish things but when I start looking at it I start to feel a little panicky, which honestly, isn’t anything like me.
I have a few projects that have deadlines and this normally doesn’t bother me but I’ve just been having such a hard time concentrating on it. I feel terrible, I know I’m letting people down, which just adds to my stress. I CAN DO IT. I know I can it’s just the lack of focus just makes doing anything really difficult.
What doesn’t help? The fact that I keep having things add to the stress, like I got rear ended last week, I scraped my leg at the pool I mean it feels like a never ending pile that I can never get out from under.
I have a day job, I have this other job I just don’t know if I can do it without really going for it and not having the standard day job. The stress of having both, I think is the root of my issues with doing this. I want to focus but after a long day/week at work I don’t feel up to working more. It’s not that I want to disappoint anyone I just really really want to unwind and I feel that I’m just constantly letting everyone I know down in this situation. I am going to finish the current projects that I have and then take some time away from it for a bit and just see what I can do for priorities on this. I need to have me time and time for this so I think what really needs to happen is that I set hours for this other job. Whether it’s Tues-Thursday from 5PM-9PM I think it’s a boundary I need to set for myself.
Help? Comments? Support? I feel like I’m drowning even though I’m not.
So, as most people know, I can’t really function without my kids. I love them so much it’s painful being away from them. Trust me when I say I try to put my thoughts and efforts into other things, it’s not as helpful as I wished it was.
I miss my kiddos.
Plain and simple fact.
I try to drowned out the loneliness, the not having Troy around to tell me seventy different stories in one breathedness, with chatting with friends, with sleeping, with coding. It’s not nearly as helpful as I’d wish it would be. It really sucks when I want to chat and no one is on to talk.
Know I miss my babies.
I miss my Troy. I miss my Fae.
You are my light.
You are what I live for.
Thursday cannot come fast enough.
Well I’m trying to get myself settled into new things, including a new theme for the site. I’m going to try and post more regularly again. I’m not sure I’ll do daily posts like I tried to do before but I may try to do a post every three days.
Other projects I’m working on right now are 3 story blogs. One is Knights of Cydonia One is Card Rebellion and the last is I <3 Fangs. The last one is a collaborative one with Ghost but the rest are just for me. I’m thinking I may start pouring my RP energy into these instead.
I’ve been feeling the lack lusterness of just everything. It’s likely the time of the year and all that jazz but things will hopefully go better.
Start Yoga again
Write a post a day for one of my 5 blogs (Morrgasm, Morrigan’s Madness, KoC, CR or I <3 Fangs).
Try new dinner or dessert (or both) dish once a week.
Post an image a day to Instagram.
I hope you enjoy the new theme. I’ll start displaying more of my space work as I go.
Edit: Added instagram thing onto the list.
So I enjoy smiling and I hate giving tight lipped smiles so that people can’t see the teeth that have gotten smacked and broken and continue to break over time. I want to get it fixed and it’s really expensive, to the point that dental insurance wouldn’t even cover it. They probably wouldn’t cover any of my mouth to be completely honest.
That’s why I’m reaching out. If I can get the money together I want to go under and come out with brand new teeth. Dentures simply aren’t an option for me.
That being said! I need your help!
Go here and donate to help me get my smile back! Please!?
Top ten donators will be able to suggest a cosplay that I will attempt to do!
So I recently had a falling out with one of my oldest RP friends. I’m very tore up about it, it makes me very sad that this has happened as it was all around a bad situation.
It was a lot of shit that piled up to a large culmination of me putting my foot down.
Now let me explain, the aggression wasn’t outrightly directed about me but that doesn’t mean that it would not in some way affect me. It’s naive to think that something that is aimed at other people in my life won’t somehow affect how I feel or the things that go on and the way that those people feel. I’m a very empathetic person, I tend to be angry when people are angry and I’m sad when their sad. This doesn’t mean I’m being manipulated, in fact, quite the contrary. It means that I’m being informed instead of ignorant.
The way people treat other people is a very important aspect of knowing and caring for someone else and seeing the way that this person attacked people that I knew really harmed me, harmed my feelings to know that I am friends with such a vindictive person. Now please don’t mistake, I am human, I am vindictive and I lash out when hurt but I feel that they were starting to push the limits too far and push the aggression past an appropriate level.
I watched it happen.
I tried to cull it in in a positive manner.
My positivity did not diminish their negativity.
After a tireless effort to try and stem the behavior with subtle hints that they were being such I finally had to put my foot down and tell them that their words and actions were hurting me and I asked them to make a choice between my friendship and this vindictive grudge that they were on a crusade to express to harm people around me.
Unfortunately they chose the grudge
I think overall, what hurts me the most is that the person couldn’t see past the blind rage of hurt to the fact that instead of mending a wound they were making more. They blame me for being manipulated when I made every decision and every approach myself without consult to anyone else from start to finish as well as I was the one that identified anything I brought to them as it was not harmful to the other people (it was but that was not why I brought it to them) but because it was indirectly harmful to me.
I know some things hurt but that’s no reason to hurt other people. I hope that everything gets better for anyone hurting right now and I certainly hope that when you are hurt that you can see past that and try not to hurt other people and if you do at least recognize it eventually and apologize. If you don’t, then I’m sorry.
So, as everyone knows, I roleplay. I love to roleplay, I love to write collaboratively with other people and I love to simply enjoy people.
Well, one thing about roleplayers is that we like specific genres because that’s the flavor of writing we like to enjoy. One thing that perturbs me is that so many people akin the work “fantasy” to elves and dwarves when, fantasy is anything that isn’t realistic. Now the thing that really confuses me is that the word itself is immediately constituted with something medieval.
So that got me to thinking: What is fantasy exactly?
Well, fantasy is anything that isn’t reality basically. So why the label of Medieval? Probably something akin to media stating that Medieval movies are “Fantasy” and that Science Fiction is “Sci-Fi” but really? They are leaving off words, words that are important to people that write. I even stress to say that a Historical roleplay is a “Historical Fantasy”. No matter the time frame as it is not reality. It’s not like me typing up this long babbling post about my confusion of the word itself.
So Fantasy is a word to mean, not real life. My point is, when I ask what sort of Fantasy I’m looking to find what your flavor of fantasy you prefer. All roleplays are fantasy (even the real life based ones) so it easier to define your genre.
I am a fantasy enthusiast, I stray toward Science Fiction more than Modern or Medieval but I enjoy Fantasy. How about you?