Nervous Breakdown

Alright, so I think I took on too much and I’m starting to feel the effects of it. I’m unfocused, I have a constant ringing headache. I want to finish things but when I start looking at it I start to feel a little panicky, which honestly, isn’t anything like me.

I have a few projects that have deadlines and this normally doesn’t bother me but I’ve just been having such a hard time concentrating on it. I feel terrible, I know I’m letting people down, which just adds to my stress. I CAN DO IT. I know I can it’s just the lack of focus just makes doing anything really difficult.

What doesn’t help? The fact that I keep having things add to the stress, like I got rear ended last week, I scraped my leg at the pool I mean it feels like a never ending pile that I can never get out from under.

I have a day job, I have this other job I just don’t know if I can do it without really going for it and not having the standard day job. The stress of having both, I think is the root of my issues with doing this. I want to focus but after a long day/week at work I don’t feel up to working more. It’s not that I want to disappoint anyone I just really really want to unwind and I feel that I’m just constantly letting everyone I know down in this situation. I am going to finish the current projects that I have and then take some time away from it for a bit and just see what I can do for priorities on this. I need to have me time and time for this so I think what really needs to happen is that I set hours for this other job. Whether it’s Tues-Thursday from 5PM-9PM I think it’s a boundary I need to set for myself.

Help? Comments? Support? I feel like I’m drowning even though I’m not.

New Theme

Well I’m trying to get myself settled into new things, including a new theme for the site. I’m going to try and post more regularly again. I’m not sure I’ll do daily posts like I tried to do before but I may try to do a post every three days.

Other projects I’m working on right now are 3 story blogs. One is Knights of Cydonia One is Card Rebellion and the last is I <3 Fangs. The last one is a collaborative one with Ghost but the rest are just for me. I’m thinking I may start pouring my RP energy into these instead.

I’ve been feeling the lack lusterness of just everything. It’s likely the time of the year and all that jazz but things will hopefully go better.

Move goals:
Start Yoga again
Write a post a day for one of my 5 blogs (Morrgasm, Morrigan’s Madness, KoC, CR or I <3 Fangs).
Try new dinner or dessert (or both) dish once a week.
Post an image a day to Instagram.

I hope you enjoy the new theme. I’ll start displaying more of my space work as I go.

Edit: Added instagram thing onto the list.

Halloween costumes

So it shouldn’t be much of a surprise to anyone that I’m a big fan of Halloween. This year is no different. All out crazy and I’m designing for comiccon too. I am sad that my daughter changed her mind last minute to Abbey Bomindable from Monster High but that is her choice. I was just hoping to go as a DC family this year. Maybe for Comiccon next year?

So costumes:
Troy is going to be Batman.
Fae is Abbey Bomindable.
Cricket is The Doctor.
I will be Harley Quinn, the Arkham City version.

I have had to custom make my custom to be up to my standards so I will likely take some pics so you can see my progress. I haven’t quite finished but I have most everything figured out or partially made. I know I need to light a fire. I don’t have boots yet but I am going to postpone that for now and just go with my black pair of boots. That and her under bust corset will be put off until comiccon.

I will post pics later.
Super excited.

Circus Vampire

“You’ve never seen anything like this next act. You’ve seen fire dancers and fire spinners the next act is… well a fire master. Presenting the one and only Ignaciooooooo Flint!” the man in the center spun around in a circle to the empty circus tent as if he were introducing this person.

A slow clap echoed toward me from the closed entrance. “You do have quite a flair for being a ringmaster. It’s too bad that I have that job.”

“Mordria,” the man stumbled over his own shoes falling to the floor. “I… I didn’t mean any offense I just….”

“You just what? Felt the desire to see what it was like to be me? It’s not as easy as being in an empty room,” she smiled her bluish pale skin shining with a strange luminosity that only she seemed to have. He found it unnerving although her other features were equally as disturbing. The stitches near her mouth were certainly not helpful with her frown as she approached him.

“I just,” he swallowed hard as he scrambled to his feet, wiping himself off. “I like what you do, I wish I could do it.” He didn’t look to her, he knew what was coming next. She would reprimand him and tell him to stop dreaming.

“Unfortunately for you young one, in a circus of the damned no one retires. Take me for example. I have been around for longer then I remember. Victim of voodoo and vampirism. I barely keep myself together yet I have not left. I cannot leave and I cannot die. I will be ringmaster for eternity,” she informed him solemnly. No reprimand, no lecture. She was reaching out for his help.

“Perhaps I could do your job. If you let me, give you a break for a few centuries?”

“Haha,” she laughed shortly a smile brought to her face. “That is cute. You cannot handle my job though,” she picked up his shoes, holding them out to him. “The others would eat you alive.”

“Not if you help me,” he pleaded as she dropped the boots into his arms. “I can do this.”

“The woman reached up and stroked the side of his face. “Sweet vampire,” she said smiling to expose her own teeth, “what makes you think that I would let you do my job?”

“You-ou-ou sound so, uh…” he looked hugging the boots to his chest. “You sounded like you needed a break. I guess I was wrong.”

“Oh, I’m tired but you’re scared of me.”

“Who wouldn’t be?” he gulped.

“You’re right,” she smiled darkly to him as he started to back away from her. “If you run you might be able to get away from me. Vampire blood sustains me far better then human blood,” she said with a cocky raise of her brow. The man started out of the tent from the direction that she came in, pulling on his left boot. He continued on holding his right boot in his hand. “Run, run little vampire,” she whispered as she looked over her shoulder.

The man continued to run through the woods between the circus and the small town. All he could hear was the thudding of his footsteps and the branches as the slapped him. He was getting away. She was going to let him live. He started to slow down a smile creeping onto his face as he slumped against the nearby tree. He breathed a sigh of relief, a human action that showed his youth. “I made it,” he said quietly to himself.

A light laugh came from behind the tree, “You can’t think I’d give up that easily could you?” the woman said as she stepped from behind the tree, her black boots quiet even with the underbrush. The man closed his eyes shoving the picture of the woman in the black and white corset out of his mind as he began to pray muttering to himself.

“If you meet her, tell her that I still want to be saved,” she whispered, her cold breath on his neck. He wished this wasn’t his fate, he didn’t want to be stuck there forever but this? The cool lips of death brushed against the skin of his neck. Then there was the searing pain of her fangs as they sank into his neck. Slowly the pain ebbed into a soft numbness as his right shoe fell from his arm and thudded to the ground.

 

PS. Weekend with the family was fabulous. I love you Cricket. I love you Fae. I love you Troy.

Long time no blog

So I promised myself that I would continuously update my blog but it’s apparent that I didn’t do that. I mean my last post was months ago and it was forever before that too.

To be completely honest it’s been a lack of motivation. I have been busy at work and I come home and all I want to do is RP and watch TV.

The sad part is that I haven’t been getting a lot of RP done. I mean I post faster then most of my RP partners and it’s a little exhausting because my muse ends up on overdrive and I have to come to a full stop. I’ve considered writing alone again but I find it boring compared to writing with others.  Then there were considerations of a web comic again but I’m just not that good of an artist but I have a ton of ideas for it. I’m still working on it though I really feel that I need to create a buffer which is the hardest part.

Sadly? What I think I need is to turn off the Internet for a few days and send my BF away so that he can play with friends. Get my kids over to their grandmas house and then just draw for a weekend. If anyone has any good advice on how to stay focused I’d love some. I’m having such issues with getting focused lately. I mean I haven’t even been able to sit down and code for… fuck for a year? More? I just can’t seem to do it. I can concentrate for small spats but I feel like I’m constantly interrupted and I can’t sit still.

On a lighter note? My son is doing pretty well in Kindergarten so far! I’m looking forward to my kids’ school pictures this year! They were both super cute when they left the house. My daughter is becoming a great reader. I’m hoping she’ll be way better then me because I’m terrible. My son can count to 40 so far. It was a hard road to forty but it’s coming around.

Otherwise there isn’t really anything.

Site updates:
New site: Trek Into the Darkness
New site: Star Trek RPG
Joined site: Prey
Staffing at: Distant Fantasies
Attempting to work on the Character Mod and get it properly functioning on install.
Working on Morrgasm.

Halloween costumes:
Fae wants to be Catwoman.
Troy wants to be Batman.
I feel that I should go with this theme and make a Harley Quinn outfit.