Free Comic Book Day

So today was Free Comic book day and I went to a comic store in Star Trek garb for a paramount pictures thing to! Totally won a pair of tickets to the screening of it here in AZ. I’m so stoked! I can’t wait to be there!

 

 

These are pics of everyone I was able to get or steal pictures of so enjoy! Everyone was awesome.

Writing prompts

So I got this writing prompt thing and I’m going to try and stretch my writing limbs and use it and post the short stories in here for you all to read. So look forward to them soon.

More hours

Some days I wish there were more hours in the day. If there were more hours in the day I could get more time to do things, spend more time with my kids and sleep more. All the things I feel I need but never feel I have time to do. I mean I have plenty of time with my kids (because I guess having a want for more time with my kids makes me a terrible mother or something like that) but more time would always be nice. I mean who wouldn’t want to hear more stories from your kids or help them more on their counting or the letter B that they can never seem to remember?

I don’t know. I am taking five minutes of my time to type this up because I with I had more time to do this and work on other projects but I have to sacrifice each of them for something else that I need to do or someone else I need to see. I swear, if I can suggest something, never become an adult. being an adult sucks.

Kid 4 life!

Not much originality

So my boyfriend today said I need to focus my site creating juices toward one site and get the traffic up enormously and then from there market and see what we can do about possibly revenuing it and making it to where I don’t have to have a conventional job anymore. Thinking about it, I agree but where to start? I don’t have enough motivation most of the time to keep to one project (my current ten projects proving such a thing) and figuring out a way to drive traffic to my site is elusive to me.

Of course I’m sure the first site that you think I should get going is probably Morrigan’s Madness and that seems almost a good idea. It’s the site I’ve had active and going for the longest and it’s also my blog but I don’t know of much that I could legitimately talk about that would drive more people to my site. I don’t have much originality to be honest. I talk about my strife in life and who wants to hear that? Not even I like to hear myself whine and yet I do it on here like I’m some entitled blogger or something. <_< Not really but you get what I mean.

Then there is my new site splash page Morrgasm which should be some sort of Morrigan content site with links to all of my projects, what I’m working on, what I’m doing. It’ll likely have a feed from here to keep the information flowing. It seems like a good idea but what would I publish to this site to make it worth visiting other then links to my other sites. Transferring content I don’t think is a good thing to focus on but I think that if I make it my MAIN site then it would be worth it. It would be like the ultimate splash page.

Next possibility is to really focus one of my two comic ideas. Those have the most monetary potential if you consider it. There is Morrapocalypse or Wootflakes.
Now Morrapocalypse is the Apocalyptic/Dystopic Comic that is there to both teach you something about surviving a dystopia and apocalypse as well as exposing some cliches. The skin is not done and I have no presence whatsoever but it does have a domain sister of Morrdystopia that has a forum on it.
Wootflakes on the other hand is a geeky little spork that has mostly nerd humor. The skin is done but needs to be re-created and I already have some basis done I would just need to focus on getting them up regularly and advertising it.

My other option is RPers Anonymous which is the site that I have the most focus on but the hardest time finding a software that is worth it and I can’t afford to straight upgrade my server to a VPS to get the software that mostly works and I certainly don’t have a few thousand to throw down to get it made and I’d have to go back to school to get the personal knowledge because all the crash courses that I’ve been through doesn’t really teach me proper security and security is important for what I’m looking for. So this idea is my primary one but I don’t have the money to throw at it.
I guess with this, if I wanted to upgrade, I could do hosting packages for RPers for small fees and it would include cPanel but I don’t know I guess it would depend I’d need enough interest in it to make up for the cost of the VPS. It’ would be something simple like maybe 3 bucks a month or 5 a month with Morr Support. I guess I should see how the free hosting goes first.

Last one is RP Status which is mostly supposed to be an addition to RPA so focusing on it would be silly other then posting to it updates. So it wouldn’t be worth it without it’s counterpart and see above for the problems with that.

I guess there is one other, Faerie Reverie which is supposed to be a site (whenever I finish it) about kids especially my kids even though they drive me crazy. It could be something of an ideas to play with your kids (as I normally don’t see pretty sites like it) but that would require me being a more involved parent and I don’t have time for it most of the time. I’d have to figure out ways to make things fun for my kids without spoiling them.

Another idea is to get Sex is Business off the ground which again would require a little money from me including getting my breasts done like I want to do and fixing my teeth. This one would be the site that I have photos of myself for sell in naughty ways. This is my preferred method but I don’t know how to market a site like this. It would definitely be a ton of fun starting out with certain photos and moving from there but again what to do.

My other domains like Knights of Cydonia, Card Rebellion, and Brain Damage are all RPGs so they aren’t something to make money off of as they are simply hobby. The others Woothappens and Lady Pirate are re-directors to other domains and I just have them for prettiness and show. So needless to say these aren’t options.

Now what do I want to get from my endeavors? Enough money to financially support my ability to stay at home and work on them. This is my end all goal. With that it would give me the ability to do my other desires including writing a book without the drain of muse. So needless to say I’m already blech about this all. I want so much more and I can’t attain it and I can’t make a decision on what to focus on.

I think my primary focus (until I decide) is to get Morrgasm up so I have my proper splash site and to-do list and determine my top priority. Feel free to post your opinion of this here as I’m always looking for feedback and suggestions. If you like an idea let me know and I’ll try and put more weight on that.

Frustrations of a Working Mother

So I love my kids and because I love my kids I work. While this is good it makes me feel slightly bad because the things that they are not succeeding in makes me feel like I’m failing. Like my daughter. I know she can read, I have watched her do it, but because I’m not there a lot of the time I feel like I’m not succeeding in helping her further her skills. I feel that my lack of reading to her while she was younger has stunted her ability to read.

I feel like an all around bad mother.

I know I’m not, don’t get me wrong. I’m there for my kids when they need me. I’m the fluffy stern woman that keeps them safe from monsters and darkness. It doesn’t make it hurt less that my daughter is struggling to read.

Now with that said she’s going to summer school…. Yes a kindergartener in Summer School but I’m doing this to keep her from being a 7 year old Kindergartener. It’s scary to think that she’s not in second grade already but I have to stay strong for that.

Adding to that I miss being at home with my kids. I remember when I was able to be home all the time and it hurts not to have that connection with them anymore. 🙁 I live with it though, not happily.

On the brighter side to that my boyfriend, affectionately called Cricket, has been an extreme help and rock for me and my wishy washy-ness. He helps with keeping me on the line of being stern but leaving me to my fluff. I definitely need him and love him to death. He keeps me grounded and sane. It’s very nice having someone like him in my life. He also watches my kids for me when he can while I’m at work. This by itself helps me because it means I see my kids more. It’s wonderful.

I guess there is more but I’ve lost my train of thought. Hopefully I’ll get to update this more soon.

Low Self Esteem

So this isn’t a new revelation to me. It was developed in lower school grades and as I got older it didn’t go away. It’s still a major issue for me to know that I’m doing good or looking good or whatever rendition thereof that I need to make sure that I’m living up to or better then people’s expectations of me. I know, particularly shallow of me, but it’s majorly where my shiny attitude comes from. Shine on me or be shiny around me and I’m a shiny person if I don’t get shined on then I’m normally gloomy. It makes sense if you think about the sun and clouds. <_<

So I have my boy and I love his cute little face to death but when I start to get a little down the small amount of affection, that was getting me down in the first place most likely, drops off the face of the earth which just plummets me into a very sad and serious panda. Last night I had a breakdown. He was on the game again and I was missing my kids and my affection from any facet. I was not feeling so shiny and it’s hard for me to relay these things most of the time verbally (normally I just beg for attention in other ways, shaking my bum or getting in your face or try to get touchy feely or my worst case scenario is sighy and quiet). I feel like everything I say is clouded to him because I back it up with emotions no matter what it is. He thinks it’s a device or something and I just try to hide it now but that just makes me all the more frustrated. I’ve considered ways to approach him about it but I can’t find one giving up instead and I’m afraid that if I don’t find this way and keep conceding defeat then I’m going to explode (as I normally do with these things) and then all hell will break loose (as they normally do) and I don’t want it to happen that way I want it to work out but I don’t have a good way to say, “just because I’m depressed doesn’t mean you should drop affection.” it’s frustrating me. I’m confused. I’m hurt all over.

I know part of this is my normal lack of children interaction during the days at work. I get default affection from them, even if it’s simply “MOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM” or screaming and crying. I still get it and I know I’m needed and wanted. My things are always there for me and I love them all the more for that but I want the boy to be there for me to. I wish there was a “How to read signals” or “How to read minds” book that I can read and introduce to my boyfriend because I think this would fix most of my problem here.

I do appreciate you guys listening to me rant. I feel a little less upset and angry about it now because I sound a little silly I know. I also know that I do need to find a positive way to negotiate an understanding of how to make me feel better when I don’t feel great. Normally even forcing me to stop and just giving me a hug and a passionate kiss would help. I just like to feel wanted no matter what is gong on. The world could be crumbling around and life still wouldn’t be that bad.

I want this to work but I can’t keep trumping what I need because he gets mad at me.