Oh the pain and pleasure of editing!

Pretty much I have gotten stuck somewhere around chapter 7 which is 50 pages into the story. Now I know why I’m stuck, I have neglected important information that one of the characters needs in order to continue on. Well that is never a good thing and often time gets to what I’m stuck in… writer’s block. I’m not fully blocked I’m just having a hard time continuing with the story since the character that needs the information doesn’t have it. So what should I do?

Well if you are like half of the other writers that I know that say “just keep writing” then leave me be. You obviously have no idea, not only how, but why my brain works the way it does. If you are a psychologist perhaps you could tell me. Pretty much, since the story doesn’t have the information my muse/character/person that I’m writing for refuses to continue to write as if they have the information. since they refuse to write I have to go back and fix it. Why not power through it like half of the other writers in the world seem to think I should? Because it doesn’t feel right, it doesn’t work to just keep going. If the character needs the information just powering through it may leave that information out, even in edits. So my brain shuts down until I fix it.

So that being said I have been working on re-reading the previous parts of my story and editing as I go to find the best place to interject the information that I need, to add it so that the character has it. now re-reading some of my chapters I see some of the more major flaws that I had in them. They are even a little stale or lacking in detail which makes me glad for this initial re-write. It makes me happy that I can question my motivation and how I’m portraying the information to the reader. I now know that I need to put forth more detail in my work.

More mannerisms, more information. I realize that I show absolutely no motivation or information for why Fillip or Violet are the way they are or even what happened to Violet and Kane. After this realization I also realized that I never intended to elaborate so you would just have to deal with half the information that you would need to properly understand the character dynamics between them so I need to add that information in somewhere as well. Like how long have Violet, Fillip and Kane known each other? Are they friends? Lovers? Have they ever been? Will they ever be again? What is their relation to one another in the story? While I know that information, I realize that I’m not providing that information to the reader. So in essence a pre-edit edit to fix my writers block is proving to be a good thing.

In other news I am thinking about finishing Card Rebellion, the Alice in Wonderland RP I was wanting to work on. I have it half done. I need to finish the detail information and the premade list and once I’ve done that then I think it would be ready. I think I would definitely need a reliable co-admin, someone that could be there when I’m not. Unfortunately I can never seem to find one of those.

Madness news we have a Facebook Connect app so if you like my facebook page you will get Madness updates every time I post. So please do so and you will get e-cookies. I may also be adding a Facebook widget to the sidebar so I can see who loves me most. <333

I have also joined a few Sites, if you want to friend or add me on them just send me a message in any fashion you know how to get a hold of me (which normally is a lot of ways) or PM me on the site directly. The sites I’ve joined are as follows:
RedRoom
Authonomy
GoodReads

Add me, follow me, whatever. I <33 you if you want to chat. Definitely have no problem doing it while I’m online.

Lastly, I think, Knights of Cydonia is doing very well. The activity picked up last week so if you want to be a part of my story book world before it even reaches print (it’s sort of a laxer AU version but it works) then come check us out and join Knights of Cydonia!

So if you knew it or not I’m working on writing a book and to do that I’ve been reading a rather informative book on how to get myself published. Mind you I’m an extremely slow reader and I have had little time to actually do any writing with being exhausted from work but I’m trying really hard. I have my game plan in motion on how I want to continue I just need the time and focus to do so. So, back to the explanation, it talks about networking and making a market for my book, finding that market or seeking it out. Now, that sounds like a great plan but I find a few flaws with that system.

Who is my market?

While I want to believe everyone is my market, obviously my market will stray to the Sci-Fi fantasy people and even maybe on the slightly gothic side.

Well Sci-Fi is an extremely broad realm, where would I start?

Well you’d think at Sci-Fi sites, but I go to a Sci-Fi site and all I see are things about pace and things. So I have a niche of Sci-Fi right? Dystopia. Because that is a sub genre for Sci-Fi that my book should fall into.

Where do I go for Dystopia?

http://dystopia.com/ That’s the obvious choice right? But where is the community behind that? There are great film and book suggestions there but where is the community I’m looking for. So lets google it. When you google Dystopia you get facts and lists of Dystopia as a genre, still no community right?

Well what about who inspired it? Muse.

Well there is a great community that follows muse but what would make them interested in a “Muse inspired Dystopia”? What would draw that crowd to me as a writer? Well our love of Muse but I’m not a deeply musical person. I love music but how does that fit in with a book that I want to publish to promote it? Well get the people and they will love it? Well I want to but how does one wriggle there way into the community of something so intertwined? What would one do to try and reach out to other Muse fans and tell them that I am inspired to write a book that might be to their fancy as it is inspired by the same music that they listen to? How would one truly integrate themselves?

Well there is always building a website?

Well I have websites. I have many in fact. I even have a roleplay based in the world that I have created for this book, mind you it is far more lax then the actual book will be because I have to make it playable but it is a website dedicated to the world the book is in.

Then get people attracted to the site!

Ok! Come to http://knightsofcydonia.org join and RP! Did it work? Did I get you hooked enough to join? Have questions? Ask me there. *tests said theory*

Another method is to do things like Podcasts and Tweets and Facebook about myself, about my book, about things my book is about and things like that. Well that’s fine and dandy if I were making a book on how the world today is a Dystopia but I am not (mind you I do believe modern day America is a modern day Dystopia, ruled and controlled by the market, want to know more show your interest and I will blog about it). Now Podcasts, Sure, I’ll do a podcast but what would it be about? Same things I’ve been talking about? I really want to start building this world of people interested in my work but really where does it start for a fiction writer? Where would I push to get people to like me as an author?

My answer to that is through my blog here. While I only update semi-regularly I think that this is my best bet to gain any interest whatsoever. I do post my chapters to my Fanfiction here. I think that I may try to write short stories and post them here too. I certainly think that it would do me a world of good to concentrate on something that will focus me artistically, even if I’m tired. It says to work hard and work tirelessly. Well I’m already tired so lets either get changed into a vampire or turned into a zombie so I can work even harder. I want to do this. I CAN do this! I have never wanted something to be completed so badly in my life.

Here is my attempt as a working tirelessly person:

• I will try to post something on this blog at minimum bi-weekly.
• I will try to post a short story set in the world I am creating at least monthly.
• I will try to keep this schedule as best as I can, even when stressed, tired or otherwise physically and mentally strained.
• I will try to respond to all tweets/facebook requests and blog comments in a timely fashion.
• I will try to keep up with my social networking medias so that you know that I am diligently trying to get this done.
• I will try to post updates as far as which chapter I have completed and how many words are done on the story, periodically.
• I will try to be a better person/mother/girlfriend/daughter/sister even during times that I may feel pressured or sad.
• I will try not to cop out and talk only about my emotions, having ideas and writing them down when I get them.
• I will ask for advice on things that I may not know much about.
• I will make myself as available as I can to both connect with people and be helpful in things that you may need help with.
• I will get published no matter what it takes.

As Elizabeth floated in the soundless dark her body felt weightless like she was submerged in water though everything was clear. Or clear enough through the dark sticky hot water.

Blood.

She knew that’s what it was. The insurmountable amount of blood that she had spilt over the years of being a sociopath. She thought there would be more then this.

Too bad.

Through the darkness there was nothing. Just Elizabeth and the blood. It was strangely serene. She couldn’t help but revel in the calm the blood brought her. Just like when she heard the screams, her body quickly relaxing like having a deep tissue massage.

Blood… it was heaven.
Elizabeth was in heaven.

All heavens had a flaw though, didn’t they? There had to be something wrong with this place. Something that made it unbearable. Something that made this place hell. What would it be though?

Out of the darkness Elizabeth saw an orange light. Quickly, it began to float toward her. As it got closer the color changed to purple, then green, then red. The red was not a normal red, accented by the blood around it. It’s strange pallor almost made it pink as it slowly seeped into the blackness like blood into veins illuminating a bizarre scene in front of her.

At first the scene was beautiful, it was Dexter and Elizabeth holding each other intimately. She almost smiled, she looked almost happy there. The feeling was foreign to her so the comfort made her feel good about this.

Dexter in her life was a good thing.

Beginning to smile at that thought the scene changed as the other Elizabeth and Dexter pulled away from each other and climbed calmly onto their metal slabs reaching out to hold each others hands.

The straps appeared on both of them in a blink of an eye even as they held hands.

What happened next startled Elizabeth as what she was expecting was herself to either break free from the table and run away from that intimacy or for herself to come and prepare to kill them both. It wasn’t her though…

“Dexter?” she muttered into the soundlessness. The Dangerous Dexter looked up to her with that wicked grin she had seen in her kill room. Calmly he placed a finger to his lips to indicate for her to be quiet before he continued toward the pair.

Sadly all she could do was watch as the Dangerous Dexter shushed his slabbed counterpart, similarly to how he had done with her a moment ago, while holding a gleaming blade behind his back.

Dangerous Dexter turned to the slabbed happy Liz and they stared at each other a moment. Dangerous Dexter leaned over and placed a small affectionate kiss on the slabbed Elizabeth’s lips before plunging the hidden knife into her heart. The action made the floating Elizabeth push onto the ground in startled outrage a scream of no sound erupting from her lips as she swam for the surface of the blood to get away from Dexter.

Elizabeth looked back to the scene and both Dexter’s seemed to be free and both looked to her before they began to chase her.

Elizabeth’s eyes widened as she continued to try and get away, the large smiles on both of their faces making her heart pound in her ears. The blood keeping her firmly planted in place they Dexter’s drew nearer.

Elizabeth took a deep breath in the blood attempting to fill her lungs…..

Suddenly Elizabeth’s feet were released from the ground of the darkness. The Panic and sensation of drowning overwhelming her as the Dexter’s reached for her feet.

Suddenly the darkness was replaced with a painful light in Elizabeth’s eyes and a sharp stabbing pain in her shoulder. The ability to breath overwhelming her as she took in a breath, the pain ebbing as she regained control of her body and tried to figure out where she was.

Where was she again?
Dexter’s….
It explained the sharp pain in her shoulder from falling out of the bath, there was probably a shard of glass in it.
Rolling over to lay on her back Elizabeth stared up at the blinding light taking deep breaths to control her breathing.
Dexter was out to get her.
Dexter was out to get her…..
Dexter was out to get her and he was working on her killing ground! He was going to get her thrown in jail. She couldn’t go to jail but she couldn’t kill Dexter either. She’s not strong enough.
What to do?
What could she do?

Elizabeth looked around the room frantically for anything… everything. Quickly she decided she would leave. She had to get out of there. If she stayed any longer then the police would be knocking on the door ready to bring her in. He was going to get her. That’s what that dream meant. He was like the rest.

And if he was like the rest…. he’d end up like the rest.

Quickly Elizabeth scrambled to her feet avoiding the glass shards that were spread across the floor. Moving quickly she grabbed her clothes pulling them on as she left Dexter’s apartment.

When she was ready Dexter would be the net person on her slab.

So, I have a new boy that I am dating and he has a somewhat obsessive ex that thought that he was cheating on her with me because we chatted on IM. Long story short it wasn’t true. He broke up with her and now she’s causing a big massive amount of llama drama which is sadly not llama-ey, just drama-ey.

Now to continue this fantastic story the other day she sent the boy in question a message that appeared to be a copy and paste of a FB conversation that she had started with me. Mind you, I have only sent her one correspondence and that was because she demanded one from me , to the boy. So I sent her a message back, that was pre-approved by both my Internet wife and my boy before I sent it. SO, this message was as follows:

Just so you know, we did sleep together. He’s not yours to control and he can do whatever he wants.
Also the hickeys were from me, but had I known he wouldn’t last that long I may have thought twice.
So you know what why don’t you stay away from him. He doesn’t want you anymore.
He’s found a better woman to be with, he doesn’t even know you exist anymore so just give up!
He told me how bad you were, how crazy you are. Well guess what, now he’s mine just like I knew he’d be.
So get lost and stay away from MY man.

Now reading that, if you don’t know me, is pretty good attempt at trying to pretend to be me. Unlike this person, there is capitalization and punctuation and even seems somewhat coherent, it’s not even close to something I would write. Lets break it down on how Un-Morrigan like it really is.

• First things first, I ALWAYS name the puppy. I don’t care if you know exactly what or who I’m talking about, if I’m being administrative in any way I name the puppy so Geo( my boy’s name) would have been mentioned first sentence.
• While I can be talkative I’m not long winded. If anything, as you can tell, I am rather blunt.
• I tend to not use the phrase Just so you know, especially when I’m talking to someone that I’m not on good terms with. It’s just not a common phrase unless I’m on the phone informing someone of something extra. This information that I supposedly wrote was not just a “so you know” thing. This correspondence that I wrote is more or less a “bitch please” and so the phrase doesn’t fit.
• The “he can do whatever he wants” sounds so South Park-ish to me. I guess maybe but I would keep any correspondence with this woman, to be honest, about her and not about my boy, since that’s actually where the problem lies.
• I find the word hickeys lewd. I much prefer a gentler term like “Love Bites” or “Marked”
• I would never discuss sex with someone that I didn’t feel comfortable about it with. Which I don’t really care but I mean I certainly wouldn’t talk shop with an ex. Not really my thing. If you guys really want to know the truth? He rocks my socks.
• I am not a jealous person, I actually support being friends with people that need it. Then again I may not support him being friends with her just because of her negative behavior but that’s mostly because I’ve had enough negativity in my life to know that it doesn’t get you anywhere, just sticks you in the mud and makes it difficult to move forward.
• I don’t believe that he doesn’t want her, well maybe he doesn’t, but honestly I know that people that have long relationships, regardless of how they act, care in a deeper manner even if they aren’t the right match for one another. I do believe that he would like to be friends with her because I think he does respect her despite her flaws.
• I, by no means, think I am a better  person then this woman. I just know I’m different, nothing more, nothing less.
• I absolutely do not believe that he doesn’t know she exists anymore. She texts him all the time and he doesn’t ignore her (did you know I had mind blowing 69 sex that I don’t even remember. Neither does he.Weird. It must have been so amazing we both got a bout of amnesia about it.)
• He did tell me about the jealousy and things but I would focus on that. really, it’s her life, she should live it how she wants it.
• I never said I knew he would be mine. Hell, had he said he had a girlfriend I wouldn’t have even have thought he was on the market, not even a small bit.
• I don’t tell people to get lost, I tell them to gtfo (get the fuck off).
• I would never say “MY man!” it sounds too Jerry Springer. Not just that there is no exclamation to emphasize it. I would simply say mine.
• I also don’t single space anything unless I’m writing disconnected thought sentences that relate to one another.
• Lastly, I probably would have summed the entire thing up in about two sentences. “Stop being a fucking cunt licking bitch and take care of your daughter instead of focusing your life problems on someone that, honestly, should be commended for putting forth the effort to help someone that honestly doesn’t appear to want to help themselves. Have a good life, I wish you and your daughter the best and I can’t wait until we can maybe be friends.<333 Morr”

I’m sure there is more but that’s all I feel the want to talk about. Needless to say my boy wants to talk on the phone and is fucking distracting me from writing any further so I will leave it here and bid you ado and enjoy the lols because Morr <33′s you! Feel free to post your comments if you want.

Elizabeth’s feet throbbed. She looked down to see what it was that was making them throb to see that she was standing on a pile of rocks outside somewhere, no shoes on. She took a step forward, the rocks digging into the tender flesh of her feet.

She took another step.

It was agony.

Why did it hurt so badly?

Where was she exactly? She didn’t remember leaving Dexter’s apartment. Actually she knew she hadn’t left Dexter’s apartment, so how did she get there? Wherever there was.

She looked up from her feet to see people. Not just any people but detectives, forensic scientists, cops. There was yellow tape, flashing lights.

It couldn’t really be? Her killing ground?

She looked beyond the vehicles and people, her shoddy killing house appearing out of a mist. It looked more decrepit then it normally did. The right side seemed to droop almost like it were about to fall off the house altogether. The roof was more of a brownish red instead of a red like she remembered it being.

Elizabeth took another step toward the house. It practically doubled in size. She looked up and around her, the house’s walls bending outward as she breathed in. She released the breath and the walls returned to normal. She repeated the action watching as the house mimicked her. It should have been more strange to her but she was sure that houses did things like that. It made sense didn’t it?

She took ascended the steps, her throbbing feet protesting each step until she was in the house. It was like her feet didn’t want her to enter but once they were inside they had lost so they complied with her will.

Although, now she wanted to leave. The house denied her exit, the door not budging forcing Elizabeth to turn and face the horror within.

The walls bled.

The screams reverberated through the walls making the house sound like it was groaning.

And there, lined up down an endless corridor were her victims. Each strapped and wriggling to get free of the metal slab she had executed them on. Each one laughing hysterically instead of screaming in pain.

She took a step toward them. The first one trying to look up to her.

“You shouldn’t have killed us,” the man said in the many voices of her victims.

She opened her mouth to refute the comment but all that came out were garbled letters that she couldn’t read.

“You shouldn’t have killed us,” the voices repeated starting a taunting chant.

Elizabeth grabbed at her short hair tugging at it to feel the pain of it but nothing happened. She opened her mouth to scream but nothing came out. She leaned against the closest moaning wall sinking to her butt, her eyes closed as she tried to pull herself together. Tried to think of what she could do to the already dead.

When she opened her eyes again she was downstairs in her kill room. Looking around the room she saw Dexter, a dark smile of excitement on his face as he reached out to her. She took his hand allowing him to pull her to her feet, across the room to a small corner. The corner was ordinary, sterile. Just as she left it but he brought out a cotton swab, swabbing the corner returning with a q-tip of blood.

She looked from the bloodied q-tip back to the corner and the wall had began to bleed. Her eyes widened as she looked up to the gleeful smiling Dexter.

She attempted to scream again but still there was nothing that came out.

The blood began to fill the room, a small puddle growing quickly to a wading depth. Shortly it was up to Elizabeth’s neck. Dexter still stood a few feet away, his ever prominent wicked smile on his face as he held the incriminating evidence up for her to see.

The blood rose, covering her face.

Elizabeth tried to swim but her feet seemed fused to the floor.

The darkness began to settle around her.

Where was she again?

How did she get there?

While I, as a RPers, know what it is like to be behind the grind of your posts being behind on NaNo is exhausting. At least on a RP you can tell someone that your reply may take a few days and then you have a grace period with NaNo if you get behind it’s like a scramble to get caught up. I didn’t NaNo for 5 days because I was exhausted after my daughter’s birthday and I’m still behind. I feel like I’m never going to get caught up writing 2K to 2.5K every night before bed and I’m still 2.5K words behind.

It’s tiring! Good gravy it’s tiring! I stay up until midnight every night and get up at 6:30 every morning. I’m ready for a break! The only problem with taking a break means that I have to do more catching up.

No rest for the weary I guess.

I’m hoping that here in the next day or so I will get caught up. Zayzie has been helping me push to get the words out but I haven’t surpassed quite yet. I know that the Writer’s chat room helps.

OH! WTF Batman!? I write similar to the way I RP but I have a particular tactic that I make sure my story is cohesive and if something doesn’t work right that is stopping my ability to continue forward then I fix it before I continue. WHY the HELL!? would everyone sit here and tell me to skip it and move on. If it’s not working right now how in the hell is skipping it to go to the next part going to make it any better? All I’m doing is continuing the dredge of the not making sense world and it won’t make any more sense  if I keep writing or not. In fact it will probably make less sense and then I’ll just have a mass jumble of words by the end of it. Don’t tell me to just “skip it”! That doesn’t work. Skipping the problem doesn’t make the problem go away. Trust me, I have an ex husband and if I could skip over the problem I would but I can’t. It has to make sense or else I dwell, I  brood, and I can’t write. I have to fix the problem!!! I don’t understand how anyone thinks that skipping the problem will make it go away or make it work somehow. Changing/fixing is the only way to go. Ask Tim Gunn.

RAWR!!!!!!!!

Note to everyone that wants to help me when I say a scene isn’t working:

• Cheer me on!
• Help me work it out!
• Give me a pat on the back!
• Snug me!
• HELP ME!

• DON’T, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS LIVING, TELL ME TO SKIP IT! That fucking aggravates me more then life itself!

Also, for the past few weeks my life (particularly my driving life) was filled with music fail. First, on the cable Dance channel there was all medium speed unfamiliar dance music and it wasn’t all that dancey, it was more of a trance and it wasn’t inspiring to do anything. Then in the car, every time I get in, either it was the same song or the commercials for most of my trip. I mean, commercials keep music free but seriously!? I don’t spend that much time in the car and listening to commercials is just major fail and it was bull!

Thank you for listening. Until next time everyone. Same Morr time, same Morr channel!