Long time no blog

So I promised myself that I would continuously update my blog but it’s apparent that I didn’t do that. I mean my last post was months ago and it was forever before that too.

To be completely honest it’s been a lack of motivation. I have been busy at work and I come home and all I want to do is RP and watch TV.

The sad part is that I haven’t been getting a lot of RP done. I mean I post faster then most of my RP partners and it’s a little exhausting because my muse ends up on overdrive and I have to come to a full stop. I’ve considered writing alone again but I find it boring compared to writing with others.  Then there were considerations of a web comic again but I’m just not that good of an artist but I have a ton of ideas for it. I’m still working on it though I really feel that I need to create a buffer which is the hardest part.

Sadly? What I think I need is to turn off the Internet for a few days and send my BF away so that he can play with friends. Get my kids over to their grandmas house and then just draw for a weekend. If anyone has any good advice on how to stay focused I’d love some. I’m having such issues with getting focused lately. I mean I haven’t even been able to sit down and code for… fuck for a year? More? I just can’t seem to do it. I can concentrate for small spats but I feel like I’m constantly interrupted and I can’t sit still.

On a lighter note? My son is doing pretty well in Kindergarten so far! I’m looking forward to my kids’ school pictures this year! They were both super cute when they left the house. My daughter is becoming a great reader. I’m hoping she’ll be way better then me because I’m terrible. My son can count to 40 so far. It was a hard road to forty but it’s coming around.

Otherwise there isn’t really anything.

Site updates:
New site: Trek Into the Darkness
New site: Star Trek RPG
Joined site: Prey
Staffing at: Distant Fantasies
Attempting to work on the Character Mod and get it properly functioning on install.
Working on Morrgasm.

Halloween costumes:
Fae wants to be Catwoman.
Troy wants to be Batman.
I feel that I should go with this theme and make a Harley Quinn outfit.

Networking

So if you knew it or not I’m working on writing a book and to do that I’ve been reading a rather informative book on how to get myself published. Mind you I’m an extremely slow reader and I have had little time to actually do any writing with being exhausted from work but I’m trying really hard. I have my game plan in motion on how I want to continue I just need the time and focus to do so. So, back to the explanation, it talks about networking and making a market for my book, finding that market or seeking it out. Now, that sounds like a great plan but I find a few flaws with that system.

Who is my market?

While I want to believe everyone is my market, obviously my market will stray to the Sci-Fi fantasy people and even maybe on the slightly gothic side.

Well Sci-Fi is an extremely broad realm, where would I start?

Well you’d think at Sci-Fi sites, but I go to a Sci-Fi site and all I see are things about pace and things. So I have a niche of Sci-Fi right? Dystopia. Because that is a sub genre for Sci-Fi that my book should fall into.

Where do I go for Dystopia?

http://dystopia.com/ That’s the obvious choice right? But where is the community behind that? There are great film and book suggestions there but where is the community I’m looking for. So lets google it. When you google Dystopia you get facts and lists of Dystopia as a genre, still no community right?

Well what about who inspired it? Muse.

Well there is a great community that follows muse but what would make them interested in a “Muse inspired Dystopia”? What would draw that crowd to me as a writer? Well our love of Muse but I’m not a deeply musical person. I love music but how does that fit in with a book that I want to publish to promote it? Well get the people and they will love it? Well I want to but how does one wriggle there way into the community of something so intertwined? What would one do to try and reach out to other Muse fans and tell them that I am inspired to write a book that might be to their fancy as it is inspired by the same music that they listen to? How would one truly integrate themselves?

Well there is always building a website?

Well I have websites. I have many in fact. I even have a roleplay based in the world that I have created for this book, mind you it is far more lax then the actual book will be because I have to make it playable but it is a website dedicated to the world the book is in.

Then get people attracted to the site!

Ok! Come to http://knightsofcydonia.org join and RP! Did it work? Did I get you hooked enough to join? Have questions? Ask me there. *tests said theory*

Another method is to do things like Podcasts and Tweets and Facebook about myself, about my book, about things my book is about and things like that. Well that’s fine and dandy if I were making a book on how the world today is a Dystopia but I am not (mind you I do believe modern day America is a modern day Dystopia, ruled and controlled by the market, want to know more show your interest and I will blog about it). Now Podcasts, Sure, I’ll do a podcast but what would it be about? Same things I’ve been talking about? I really want to start building this world of people interested in my work but really where does it start for a fiction writer? Where would I push to get people to like me as an author?

My answer to that is through my blog here. While I only update semi-regularly I think that this is my best bet to gain any interest whatsoever. I do post my chapters to my Fanfiction here. I think that I may try to write short stories and post them here too. I certainly think that it would do me a world of good to concentrate on something that will focus me artistically, even if I’m tired. It says to work hard and work tirelessly. Well I’m already tired so lets either get changed into a vampire or turned into a zombie so I can work even harder. I want to do this. I CAN do this! I have never wanted something to be completed so badly in my life.

Here is my attempt as a working tirelessly person:

  • I will try to post something on this blog at minimum bi-weekly.
  • I will try to post a short story set in the world I am creating at least monthly.
  • I will try to keep this schedule as best as I can, even when stressed, tired or otherwise physically and mentally strained.
  • I will try to respond to all tweets/facebook requests and blog comments in a timely fashion.
  • I will try to keep up with my social networking medias so that you know that I am diligently trying to get this done.
  • I will try to post updates as far as which chapter I have completed and how many words are done on the story, periodically.
  • I will try to be a better person/mother/girlfriend/daughter/sister even during times that I may feel pressured or sad.
  • I will try not to cop out and talk only about my emotions, having ideas and writing them down when I get them.
  • I will ask for advice on things that I may not know much about.
  • I will make myself as available as I can to both connect with people and be helpful in things that you may need help with.
  • I will get published no matter what it takes.

Strangest Dream (with Nerimon in it?)

So this morning I awoke remembering a piece of my dream. It was one of the strangest dreams I think I’ve ever had.

Now to start off I only started watching the guys youtube videos because he reads Twilight in a way I can understand without torturing myself through actually reading it and I think his commentary is hilarious (and a friend showed it to me) but I’ve never really watched much more then that, except the Atheist’s puzzle thing about two days ago. As for attractiveness, I don’t know. I don’t think he’s unattractive but this is just plain weird.

So my dream

The man that was in my dream was Nerimon aka Alex Day. And the dream honestly wasn’t very long but weird. I think it was a combination of reading spam yesterday and exhaustion or maybe some subliminal message that I like men that are unavailable (which I already knew and knew why).

First part of my dream involved this blog and Nerimon commented on my blog. I don’t know what it said because, well it was a dream I can’t read things in dreams. But I was so excited because I honestly don’t get a lot of legit comments but I know it was a compliment on my last blog post. I got all stoked and he started reading my blog regularly and we became friends. Then it’s starting to get hazy so I’m starting to lose the dream here. I remember it ended up with Nerimon and I in some sort of bizarre relationship and we were very happy about it.

Disclaimer: I do not know Nerimon nor think that he reads my blog. I don’t expect anything, the above was just a dream that I had last night.

My interpretation of the dream

Well I believe it’s my brain telling me what I already know. I’m lonely (despite having my kids, it’s an intimate loneliness) and I like to be infatuated with men that are completely unavailable to me. Why? Because I don’t want to burden someone with my problems and my kids. It’s a mean thing to do despite my yearn for romance and intimacy. Being divorced has pretty much solidified my intimate loneliness so I try to make up for it with my stories, obviously my fantasies and my kids. While my kids can’t give me the romance and intimacy that I want they give me love which is enough and I know it despite want for more.

Changes and Updates (from the Madness world)

Well I’ve not been updating this properly so I’m going to try and get back into this.

Firstly, I have turned off the Twitter feed into my blog. I thought it was alright to start off with but really it’s more or less just blog spam and I think it keeps me from posting properly in my blog so I apologize for that. I am trying to get back into a scheduled routine, Yoga, writing, baths, bed. Going to bed late is bad for me. T_T

Secondly, NaNo starts next month so get excited for more updates about my writing. I’m actually hoping to take this opportunity and write a full story and see if I can get it published. With how things are going in my life it actually seems like the best course of action and I’ve been world building an RPG that I will be using as the primary setting.

Thirdly I wanted to show everyone my awesome video! I am NO singer but I had fun and that’s all that counts so I will warn you now that any comments on how bad of a singer I am I will delete it immediately. It was done to have some fun. It is a Spoof of Amanda Palmer’s Leeds United song.

Lets see what else. My daughter is doing well in school although I’m having problems keeping my kids from fighting and keeping my sanity. I am easily frustrated and not having a significant other to share the responsibilities with makes my life really frustrating. I mean I have mum to help offset it (and she really does help and put up with my bratty kids)  but it’s really hard all around. Ijust need to work on breathing and patience. Hopefully Yoga will help, I need something to help center me and I think that it will help me with my patience issues. I hate being impatient but I’m having a hard time not being impatient.

In the coding world I’ve been developing a Character mod for IPB3. It’s working very well so far I’m adding and fixing things as I go. My current project is custom fields but I haven’t started working on it yet but I think it will be relatively easy, especially to override the UserInfoPane info.

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Today’s dilemma is something that I’m not sure should concern me. I’ve been wanting to create another character on my site which would make 10 (or 11 if you include DORIS) which would just solidify my role in having 10 out of the 20 characters on the site. Now while I don’t mind having a lot of characters (I’m active with each of them and none are in danger of anything) but I feel that it’s almost overkill to have so many characters. The problem is that I have so many ideas knocking around in my head and I want to play them out but I’m afraid that it would scare potential members that I am monopolizing the RP with my characters although it’s more because there are so few members that my characters aren’t offset by others’ characters. T_T It makes me feel bad because I have the most amount of characters but it also frustrates me because I want to make another character because I have a good idea and I think it should be my choice to make since it is my creative energy.

Now, I had decided last night to make the character and I’m back to being wishy washy on it. I think that it would be a great character to create but I think that I should hold off but that just artistically frustrates me and my muse. I think I will wait for a few more characters to show up before I make her and perhaps I will choose to write my NaNo story on the woman to put it out creatively.

Thanks for listening to my plight while I decided on this, although I still fight to not make the character I think that I will wait until the KoC story furthers and it has been around longer for her to step in or that we get 5-10 more characters on the site.

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Now the last thing I think of is site changes. I am going to change my layout here on Morrigan’s Madness. The colors should stay relatively the same as they are two of my favorites, it’s that or pink. I also am going to create a Listing and maybe start up a fanlisting or two. I will most likely begin to get my site linked at other places so look forward to seeing a lot of changes here on MM but they may be slow, my first priorities is scheduling my life, KoC and RPers Anon. I think that you will all enjoy the changes as I will be adding Twitter stuff, Facebook Stuff and more. ^_^

That’s it for now. Enjoy and thanks for reading.

Funny Spam

So I get a kick out of reading some spam that gets trashed on my blog when I post things and they tickle me, especially when you compare them to what they are posted on.

“Can I just say what a relief to find someone who actually knows what theyre talking about on the internet. You definitely know how to bring an issue to light and make it important. More people need to read this and understand this side of the story. I cant believe youre not more popular because you definitely have the gift.”

This was posted on Part 2 and 3 of my Dexter Fic. DID YOU KNOW that I know what I’m talking about when I’m writing fiction? I mean I’m the  authority and I bring the fiction issue to light! More people need to read my fiction.
Now I don’t disagree with the fact that more people need to read my stuff, because I like to know that people read my blog, but it just entertains me that this was posted. I mean, really? I really know what I’m talking about? I mean, I know I don’t really know what I’m talking about but this just entertains me to all hell.

“Thanks for making such great points. I will need to apply some of them! It for sure aint that easy as the commercials make it seem. You really gotta be highly persistenet and you should never stop trying. The results will show in due time.”

So this was posted on Flaky and not the Wooty kind. I didn’t think I made any points except for self-degradating ones. Thanks for letting me know that I’m GOOD at making myself look really bad.

“Excellent blog you have there, thanks for sharing, iv bookmaked you!”

Thanks! I really appreciate the link to the Macbook page too! Morons. Yeah. I appreciate that you came to my site, took the time to bot a reply and tell me that you’re never coming back. I really appreciate that!

“It takes more thought to come up with a good blog comment then a bad one. For instance, it takes much less brain effort to say “you suck” than to say “I profoundly disagree with the simplistic drivel that has been touted on this networked opinion delivery system.” As evidenced by the number of moronic comments that are left on various blogs, it appears that the majority of blog readers have the cranial capacity of cattle who spend a lot of time defecating in the same pool they drink from.”

I love this one. It is so well put together then so many others. The only problem with this one is that it doesn’t directly reflect anything that it’s posted for. So while cute this one is just another of the millions of spam comments that only entertain me. I really appreciate the fact that it points out that some comments on blogs are moronic. Such a reflective looking on blogging in a whole. Aren’t I a hypocrite?

“Great information! I’ve been looking for something like this for a while now. Thanks!”

Now if I ran an informative blog, maybe something bashing BP or something like that, I would probably really appreciate this spam comment. Unfortunately I have a blog where I complain about things, inform people about my mediocre life. Now if you were coming here to get information about me and get information about things I rant about then you’re shiny. I would love this comment too! Unfortunately this was posted on my Dexter fic (part 3) and has a link to minority loans or something. Not just is it hilarious (obviously my fic information is just so awesome as spam bots keeps telling me so) but I’m obviously not a minority…. I mean I’m the whitest woman possible and I’m pretty sure that divorced mothers aren’t in the minority these days. Love the thought but the bot has got to go!

So I had to post this as I normally read all of the good spam in my box. I might do this more often if I continue to see rather hilarious ones. (brownie points if I find something REALLY good bot bastards) So Yeah. <3 Thanks for reading and I will try to update you all soon. ^_^

Melodramatic Morrigan

Okay. So I’ve been a major Morrfail lately and I’ve not been posting in my blog. I’m pretty stressed out but I hope to get back into my groves this week. I don’t think it helps that I’ve been going to sleep at like 9PM, I must be getting old really. The last week or so has been relatively regular except for a few things, like my stepdad serving my mum with divorce papers. Bad day in the house.

So why am I Melodramatic Morrigan? Well last night, while watching Bones *Weird I know but keep reading* I realized something that made me very depressed.  I am twenty five with two kids and no opportunities for romance anymore. I’m going to die by my worst fear, alone. I was just thinking about how impossible it is to hold a romantic relationship with two kids, it’s hard enough without them. I can’t even think of a reason why someone would be interested in me.

So I was thinking about it and I’m 25, not very old, and my life is (proverbial) already over. I can’t image a person that would want to be with me romantically while I have kids, especially kids that are as young as they are. I am a romantic at heart and sometimes watching romantic movies, shows, reading books and all that jazz really hurts. I want would adore having someone romantically interested in me, but I know that isn’t possible for me anymore. I am not sure that I would be able to accept romantic interest without a lot of pushing from someone that is interested in me.

I’m very lonely and I fear I will always be lonely because there may be no room for romance left in my life and even if it showed up I’m not sure I would accept it or recognize it. I want it but how could I accept it?

Forever lonely,
Morrigan