Morrgroove Gone

So I feel that my Morrgroove or Morrmojo or Mojo-Jojo is gone and never coming back. I feel uninspired dull and downright blechy most days. I’ll sit at my computer and things that make me inspired and happy to do online feel like chores. It’s not supposed to be this way. My hobbies should feel fun and exciting to come home to. I should want to get all of my other stuff out of the way so I can sit down and enjoy the happy things and life. But I don’t and it depresses me.

So the normal responses that I’m sure I’ll here is “Get a new hobby” or “If it depresses you then find out why” well I don’t know why. I love being at my computer. I love writing. I love coding websites. I love making images. I LOVE Rping and yet all of these things don’t inspire me at all.  This could be the 12 hour days at work but really if that’s what is killing it for me then why did I enjoy them in the first place? Because it killed time? I used to itch to get home and turn on my laptop and see all the amazing things I missed that day and regret missing it. Now it’s just one more thing I need to do.

I need my Morrmuse back. It’s gone and I can’t find it. If you see her please send her straight back with my brain. It would be muchly appreciated.

Liz/Dexter Fic Part 8

Dexter had come the next day, and every day while Elizabeth recovered in that hospital bed. It was a pleasant surprise to see his smiling face everyday despite the growing ache. She could feel the desire within her, spreading through her blood like a virus. She should have already been stalking her next victim but she’d been in the hospital. It was unbearable even as she was able to stand on her own without supervision. The only thing that kept the inner darkness at bay was the possibility that Dexter may have been like her.

Gratefully today she was discharged and life continued on as normal.

While in the hospital she made her official statement on the attack in her apartment with everything she “remembered”. Shortly afterward Dexter told her that the case of Piper Adams’ murder had been closed. Now she was free to commune with Dexter in public without sullying his credibility by being a suspect in one of his cases. Lucky for her, Dexter had asked her out to dinner that evening. He informed her that he wanted to make up for all of the hospital food she had to eat. Since it was such a nice offer she couldn’t refuse, not that she would have.

Dexter was a beautiful creature of darkness. He was so inexplicably average it was like looking at a mirror. Nothing about him would stand out to anyone unless you knew what you were looking for and even then… it was a difficult thing to see. If, in fact, that was what she saw in him.

Elizabeth ran another frustrated hand through her hair trying her damnedest to keep the edges of tape from snagging in the unruly mop of too long hair. It didn’t really work the way she had hoped and she ended up ripping off the bandages on her arms despite doctors orders. Once the bandages were removed she couldn’t help but admire the wounds, turning her arm in the mirror to get a full view of them.

Scars.

That’s what they said she’d have, scars. She had never had outward scars before, all of her damage was on the inside from years of abuse. Now she’d have scars some on the outside. Disgusting. She was already beginning to hate herself for it.

Elizabeth had to restrain herself before she put her fist into the mirror and caused more damage. She didn’t need any more of her blood shed, especially not when she was being picked up by Dexter shortly.

Grinding her teeth to get control of her temper she dropped her arm and stormed out of the bathroom. She wasn’t sure she could look at her disgusting body anymore.

She breathed heavily as she sat herself in the chair in her living room. Her dark temptations were starting to get to her. She felt agitated, she needed release but she wasn’t prepared for it. She wasn’t physically strong enough to make sure that she didn’t get caught but she was beginning to deteriorate from the inside.

Every muscle in her body ached, pleaded, moaned for the release that only a kill could give her. She needed it. She couldn’t wait any longer. 3 weeks in the hospital under surveillance to make sure she was healing properly before they let her out was enough to make any sane woman go stark raving mad. She wasn’t an average sane woman but the lack of victim, or even prospect, made her a risk to everyone.

Even Dexter.

Elizabeth couldn’t see him tonight. She needed to kill something. If she saw him then she might lose herself and try to kill him. She needed to get out of there but she knew if she left then she was going to kill someone recklessly but if she stayed then she put the one person that held her interest at risk.

She had to go.

Elizabeth stood up and grabbed her keys. As she reached for her coat…

Knock. Knock. Knock.

The sound made her freeze. She was caught. No not caught, but she couldn’t escape the date now.

Elizabeth took a deep breath, grabbed her purse, placed her keys inside before she opened the door to see Dexter’s smiling face with a single Lily, how appropriate. She gratefully accepted the flower smelling it momentarily, “Thank you.”

“You look, nice,” he said as his eyes looked her over before they came back up to her face.

“Thank you again. Shall we?”

“Yes, we shall,” he said offering her and arm. Elizabeth stepped out of her apartment, carefully locked her door before she took his arm. “Thank you for coming with me. I know you’ve had a rough past month,” he said looking down at her with a smile.

“Trust me, I’m glad to be out of the house,” even though I’d rather be finding something or someone to kill. Elizabeth’s body felt like it was freezing yet on fire. She wasn’t sure how long she’d be able to last before she’d snap, and the date just started.

Gratefully Dexter opened the door to allow her to seat herself in his car. She slid in slowly, carefully. He was soon in the car beside her, lights on and car started. The date was on and all she could think about was what was in that car that she could wrap around his neck and kill him with.

Elizabeth took a deep breath as she rubbed her hands together nervously. This was wrong, she shouldn’t need a kill so soon after her last one, 4 weeks was not a long time between kills, if you did them more often then people got suspicious. The ache wasn’t about the kill, no it was about redeeming her pride after being violated. Without the actual culprit that stole her dignity she had to torture some other man to get a similar satisfaction. She needed blood on her hands, in her control. Her choice on how fast or slow it falls. She needed to show him who was boss. She needed…

“Are you okay?”

Elizabeth’s eyes shot to Dexter, a little more venomous then she had intended.

“You just look really nervous. I promise I won’t bite.”

That wasn’t the problem.

Elizabeth huffed her frustration. “I know. I just feel…” she wanted to tell him honestly, go to jail, die, kill or go home, “empty right now. The man took something from me. Something I can’t exactly explain without sounding strange but I want it back and despite how much I want, no, need it. I’m not ready for it,” she clenched her fists, kneading her thigh with her knuckles.

“What did he take from you?”

“He took my,” pride, sex appeal, faith in myself, “happiness from me. You’ve been the only thing that’s kept me from hating myself. I just feel,” disgusting, angry, frustrated, violated…

Elizabeth hadn’t noticed that the car was stopped but when Dexter gently moved her chin to look up at him, it was apparent now. “A sadness that eats you from the inside out?”

“Yes,” she breathed.

“It will go away.”

“I don’t know ho…” she couldn’t help herself, he was so close. He smelt of blood again and now that she had her lips pressed against his, he tasted of it as well. She was sure that both the smell and taste were just in her head but that didn’t stop her from pressing harder.

It wasn’t like Elizabeth to get so physical. She preferred her loneliness normally but the kiss was a personification of her frustration, her ache. She needed something to dull the need, to dull her senses although the kiss wasn’t working.

“Take me home Dexter,” she breathed breaking her lips from his, her fingers gently caressing his skin.

———————————————————————————

Elizabeth’s eyes opened to see an empty pillow. She could hardly believe what she had just done, although it wasn’t much of anything. Dexter had gotten her to his apartment and she fell asleep on his bed. Why had she fallen asleep? She didn’t remember being tired before she had gotten there and yet, she had fallen asleep.

Elizabeth rolled to her back, looking over the room.

It was clean, modern looking. Nothing out of the ordinary that would lead someone to believe that he was like her. Which meant that if he was like her, he was careful.

Elizabeth sat up, continuing her search of the room with her eyes for what would let her know if he was like her. She idly began to scratch her arm as she stood up. She began looking over the mundane items on his dresser, his nightstand. She opened his closet still scratching at her arm.

Shirts, pants, suits.

Nothing.

“Sleep well?” a voice came from behind her. Elizabeth quickly spun on her heel to see Dexter a lot closer then she had anticipated.

“I think so,” she replied with a breath of amusement.

“You’re bleeding,” he said pointing to her arm moving closer to her to look. He offered her his hand to her to inspect further.

She gave it to him, her eyes looking down to the damage she had caused. She hadn’t even noticed that she had broken the skin. “I am,” she said plainly. “I don’t know what happened. I didn’t even feel the itch,” she lied. She did feel the itch but it wasn’t on her skin, it was under it, coursing through her veins in a place that only one thing could help scratch.

“Let me get something to clean that up. Um… what were you doing in my closet?” he asked as he dragged her with him to the bathroom.

“Looking,” to see if you hid what I think you are in there.

“Looking for what exactly?”

“I was just looking,” she told him as he moved deftly to grab a cloth and rubbing alcohol. He quickly ran her arm under cool water before wiping away the clear liquid and dabbing it with alcohol. The stinging from the alcohol brought her back down to earth. She felt almost centered with the pain, then it was gone and so was the control. She felt the numbing ache in her stomach, the need for a kill, for revenge. The itch.

“There’s not much in there except an old chest and my clothes,” he said as he worked.

“What’s in the chest?”

“My father’s gun.”

“Why do you have it?”

“Because we used to go hunting together and those were some of my best memories of my father.”

Elizabeth nodded as he returned her arm to her with a bandage in place. Another scar, she thought sourly as her eyes went to the mirror where she could see them both.

“Have you ever felt that there was something you knew about someone but you were too afraid to ask if you were right and the thought of it made you anxious?”

“Well yeah, but I normally just ask them and if you’re wrong they tell you, then you don’t have to stress about anymore.”

“But what if it was a secret, something no one was supposed to know.”

“I guess it would depend on the what you knew.”

“Dexter,” Elizabeth said, turning her eyes from the mirror up to the man himself. “I think you’re like me.”

“And what is that exactly?”

Elizabeth looked in his eyes, trying to read what he was thinking, trying to gauge what he was going to do when he heard this. The ache roaring within her, her need to practically bathe in blood, to hear someone scream out her name and ask her to stop. She didn’t know how to quiet it and she didn’t have the ability to do it on her own, not yet, not without hurting herself further. She had to know, perhaps he’d help her.

If he wasn’t like her then perhaps he’d turn her in.

If he wasn’t then maybe he’d ignore it as delirium, or have her institutionalized. It would make the world a safer place, that’s for sure.

If he wasn’t then she’d have to kill him.

If he was then she may have to kill him.

If he was she may have to let him live.

If he was…

“A Serial Killer.”

Dexter had come the next day, and every day while Elizabeth recovered in that hospital bed. It was a pleasant surprise to see his smiling face everyday despite the growing ache. She could feel the desire within her, spreading through her blood like a virus. She should have already been stalking her next victim but she’d been in the hospital. It was unbearable even as she was able to stand on her own without supervision. The only thing that kept the inner darkness at bay was the possibility that Dexter may have been like her.

Gratefully today she was discharged and life continued on as normal.

While in the hospital she made her official statement on the attack in her apartment with everything she “remembered”. Shortly afterward Dexter told her that the case of Piper Adams’ murder had been closed. Now she was free to commune with Dexter in public without sullying his credibility by being a suspect in one of his cases. Lucky for her, Dexter had asked her out to dinner that evening. He informed her that he wanted to make up for all of the hospital food she had to eat. Since it was such a nice offer she couldn’t refuse, not that she would have.

Dexter was a beautiful creature of darkness. He was so inexplicably average it was like looking at a mirror. Nothing about him would stand out to anyone unless you knew what you were looking for and even then… it was a difficult thing to see. If, in fact, that was what she saw in him.

Elizabeth ran another frustrated hand through her hair trying her damnedest to keep the edges of tape from snagging in the unruly mop of too long hair. It didn’t really work the way she had hoped and she ended up ripping off the bandages on her arms despite doctors orders. Once the bandages were removed she couldn’t help but admire the wounds, turning her arm in the mirror to get a full view of them.

Scars.

That’s what they said she’d have, scars. She had never had outward scars before, all of her damage was on the inside from years of abuse. Now she’d have scars some on the outside. Disgusting. She was already beginning to hate herself for it.

Elizabeth had to restrain herself before she put her fist into the mirror and caused more damage. She didn’t need any more of her blood shed, especially not when she was being picked up by Dexter shortly.

Grinding her teeth to get control of her temper she dropped her arm and stormed out of the bathroom. She wasn’t sure she could look at her disgusting body anymore.

She breathed heavily as she sat herself in the chair in her living room. Her dark temptations were starting to get to her. She felt agitated, she needed release but she wasn’t prepared for it. She wasn’t physically strong enough to make sure that she didn’t get caught but she was beginning to deteriorate from the inside.

Every muscle in her body ached, pleaded, moaned for the release that only a kill could give her. She needed it. She couldn’t wait any longer. 3 weeks in the hospital under surveillance to make sure she was healing properly before they let her out was enough to make any sane woman go stark raving mad. She wasn’t an average sane woman but the lack of victim, or even prospect, made her a risk to everyone.

Even Dexter.

Elizabeth couldn’t see him tonight. She needed to kill something. If she saw him then she might lose herself and try to kill him. She needed to get out of there but she knew if she left then she was going to kill someone recklessly but if she stayed then she put the one person that held her interest at risk.

She had to go.

Elizabeth stood up and grabbed her keys. As she reached for her coat…

Knock. Knock. Knock.

The sound made her freeze. She was caught. No not caught, but she couldn’t escape the date now.

Elizabeth took a deep breath, grabbed her purse, placed her keys inside before she opened the door to see Dexter’s smiling face with a single Lily, how appropriate. She gratefully accepted the flower smelling it momentarily, “Thank you.”

“You look, nice,” he said as his eyes looked her over before they came back up to her face.

“Thank you again. Shall we?”

“Yes, we shall,” he said offering her and arm. Elizabeth stepped out of her apartment, carefully locked her door before she took his arm. “Thank you for coming with me. I know you’ve had a rough past month,” he said looking down at her with a smile.

“Trust me, I’m glad to be out of the house,” even though I’d rather be finding something or someone to kill. Elizabeth’s body felt like it was freezing yet on fire. She wasn’t sure how long she’d be able to last before she’d snap, and the date just started.

Gratefully Dexter opened the door to allow her to seat herself in his car. She slid in slowly, carefully. He was soon in the car beside her, lights on and car started. The date was on and all she could think about was what was in that car that she could wrap around his neck and kill him with.

Elizabeth took a deep breath as she rubbed her hands together nervously. This was wrong, she shouldn’t need a kill so soon after her last one, 4 weeks was not a long time between kills, if you did them more often then people got suspicious. The ache wasn’t about the kill, no it was about redeeming her pride after being violated. Without the actual culprit that stole her dignity she had to torture some other man to get a similar satisfaction. She needed blood on her hands, in her control. Her choice on how fast or slow it falls. She needed to show him who was boss. She needed…

“Are you okay?”

Elizabeth’s eyes shot to Dexter, a little more venomous then she had intended.

“You just look really nervous. I promise I won’t bite.”

That wasn’t the problem.

Elizabeth huffed her frustration. “I know. I just feel…” she wanted to tell him honestly, go to jail, die, kill or go home, “empty right now. The man took something from me. Something I can’t exactly explain without sounding strange but I want it back and despite how much I want, no, need it. I’m not ready for it,” she clenched her fists, kneading her thigh with her knuckles.

“What did he take from you?”

“He took my,” pride, sex appeal, faith in myself, “happiness from me. You’ve been the only thing that’s kept me from hating myself. I just feel,” disgusting, angry, frustrated, violated…

Elizabeth hadn’t noticed that the car was stopped but when Dexter gently moved her chin to look up at him, it was apparent now. “A sadness that eats you from the inside out?”

“Yes,” she breathed.

“It will go away.”

“I don’t know ho…” she couldn’t help herself, he was so close. He smelt of blood again and now that she had her lips pressed against his, he tasted of it as well. She was sure that both the smell and taste were just in her head but that didn’t stop her from pressing harder.

It wasn’t like Elizabeth to get so physical. She preferred her loneliness normally but the kiss was a personification of her frustration, her ache. She needed something to dull the need, to dull her senses although the kiss wasn’t working.

“Take me home Dexter,” she breathed breaking her lips from his, her fingers gently caressing his skin.

———————————————————————————

Elizabeth’s eyes opened to see an empty pillow. She could hardly believe what she had just done, although it wasn’t much of anything. Dexter had gotten her to his apartment and she fell asleep on his bed. Why had she fallen asleep? She didn’t remember being tired before she had gotten there and yet, she had fallen asleep.

Elizabeth rolled to her back, looking over the room.

It was clean, modern looking. Nothing out of the ordinary that would lead someone to believe that he was like her. Which meant that if he was like her, he was careful.

Elizabeth sat up, continuing her search of the room with her eyes for what would let her know if he was like her. She idly began to scratch her arm as she stood up. She began looking over the mundane items on his dresser, his nightstand. She opened his closet still scratching at her arm.

Shirts, pants, suits.

Nothing.

“Sleep well?” a voice came from behind her. Elizabeth quickly spun on her heel to see Dexter a lot closer then she had anticipated.

“I think so,” she replied with a breath of amusement.

“You’re bleeding,” he said pointing to her arm moving closer to her to look. He offered her his hand to her to inspect further.

She gave it to him, her eyes looking down to the damage she had caused. She hadn’t even noticed that she had broken the skin. “I am,” she said plainly. “I don’t know what happened. I didn’t even feel the itch,” she lied. She did feel the itch but it wasn’t on her skin, it was under it, coursing through her veins in a place that only one thing could help scratch.

“Let me get something to clean that up. Um… what were you doing in my closet?” he asked as he dragged her with him to the bathroom.

“Looking,” to see if you hid what I think you are in there.

“Looking for what exactly?”

“I was just looking,” she told him as he moved deftly to grab a cloth and rubbing alcohol. He quickly ran her arm under cool water before wiping away the clear liquid and dabbing it with alcohol. The stinging from the alcohol brought her back down to earth. She felt almost centered with the pain, then it was gone and so was the control. She felt the numbing ache in her stomach, the need for a kill, for revenge. The itch.

“There’s not much in there except an old chest and my clothes,” he said as he worked.

“What’s in the chest?”

“My father’s gun.”

“Why do you have it?”

“Because we used to go hunting together and those were some of my best memories of my father.”

Elizabeth nodded as he returned her arm to her with a bandage in place. Another scar, she thought sourly as her eyes went to the mirror where she could see them both.

“Have you ever felt that there was something you knew about someone but you were too afraid to ask if you were right and the thought of it made you anxious?”

“Well yeah, but I normally just ask them and if you’re wrong they tell you, then you don’t have to stress about anymore.”

“But what if it was a secret, something no one was supposed to know.”

“I guess it would depend on the what you knew.”

“Dexter,” Elizabeth said, turning her eyes from the mirror up to the man himself. “I think you’re like me.”

“And what is that exactly?”

Elizabeth looked in his eyes, trying to read what he was thinking, trying to gauge what he was going to do when he heard this. The ache roaring within her, her need to practically bathe in blood, to hear someone scream out her name and ask her to stop. She didn’t know how to quiet it and she didn’t have the ability to do it on her own, not yet, not without hurting herself further. She had to know, perhaps he’d help her.

If he wasn’t like her then perhaps he’d turn her in.

If he wasn’t then maybe he’d ignore it as delirium, or have her institutionalized. It would make the world a safer place, that’s for sure.

If he wasn’t then she’d have to kill him.

If he was then she may have to kill him.

If he was she may have to let him live.

If he was…

“A Serial Killer.”

Bah Humbug

You know, I’m not always the nicest person but I get really touchy when it’s that time of the month or when someone steps on my toes too many times. One of the things that steps on my toes is when someone belligerently tries to force their opinion on me. Worse still? Is it was either their way or the highway. I know I wasn’t nice about the way I approached them about this issue but they are a friend from college and I felt that our previous relationship was affecting the way he spoke to me on the forums so I laid it out harshly but directly and the end result was, “Sorry I won’t come back” not the result I wanted I just wanted him to stop outright berate me about my staff decisions. if he had a problem with the way I administer, there are private channels and he should have used them before he started telling me how to run my forum in public.

Moving on then.

I didn’t post yesterday. Sue me or something. I had a decent day. It wasn’t too full of anything except for movies and stuff as per usual.

Today wasn’t much different. I was luckily not coerced into going to church. I lost some hard worked on code when my browser crashed. Weirdly I had saved quite a bit up until then but when my browser came back up all that was there was “content”. It was disheartening. I’ll work on it again in a few days. I’m going to try a computer break tomorrow. Play some Wii games or something with my brother, more Yoga, play 10 rounds of Candyland with my kids instead of two. I don’t know. A lot.

Talented Mr Ripley is awesome. I can’t believe I never saw this movie before. It’s like a Mr Brooks but different and this movie is older. I love both of these movies. I think Mr Brooks is still slightly better in my book.

I’m going to end here because I’m in a bad mood so I hope you’re having a good day. ^_^

Spam is funny sometimes

So i look through my spam, for this site for two reasons. the first to make sure that a valid comment isn’t sitting in the recesses of comment hell. The second reason is because the damn things are so funny. “You have such a great forum. My name is blah blah blah” or even better, I think the best one I saw in a while, “I tend to agree with the posts on this blog, but in this case I ought to say that I do not agree with this.” That one still makes me laugh after I’ve read it. That one is extra funny because it is an opinionated comment on a non-objective subject. The post was Not so interesting day which, for those that don’t want to go back and read it, was an entry about how the story I am trying to take off the hands of my brother is going to be difficult for me.

I mean really? How does that warrant a comment of:
“I tend to agree with the posts on this blog, but in this case I ought to say that I do not agree with this.”
It’s like it’s saying. “I agree with your opinions but this not opinion is not agreeable.” Or even better. “You’re WRONG! This is going to be easy as cake for you, you stupid whore!”

Spam and it’s entertainment value.

In other news! I have joined a few more forums and am trying to stay active on them but I also got a few members on my site and got quite a few posts done today. I hit over 100 posts on my own forum. I believe my threats of elephant genocide is working. Remember… Join Wootflakes or the Elephant gets it!!

On the news of wootflakes! I have posted my fourth ever comic today! Yay for staying steady. Go check it out. Tell me what you think! On top of that I added a Wootflakes fan page! Become a fan of Wootflakes and it’s kidney failing goodness! Do it or the baby elephants die. Don’t kill any more baby elephants.

What else got done today?
Nothing.

I watched Xena. Tried to to die with headachishness and children running around like mad. I did do my Yoga again today and actually should go to bed so I have time to go to do Yoga before I take my daughter to her socialization. I don’t know if I should even bother but I guess a few minutes is better then no minutes with her friends right? I’, still frustrated over the vaccination thing. I kind of wish I can feign refusal and that I didn’t want her to get it and then she can go. Wishful thinking. We’ll see.

Well goodnight! Hope you’re having a good day! ^_^

Not so productive day

Well today was productive in the fact that my daughter’s teacher came and my daughter learned. I find my daughter might not be able to go to the zoo on Friday because she doesn’t have a vaccine. Bullshit IMO. They are full of fail. She obviously missed a vaccination in the traveling even though I’ve thought she’s always been up to date. Obviously my brain is broken because I like listened or something? But she didn’t get her stupid Chicken Pox one and that will prevent her from going to the zoo on Friday. *fail*

Worked a little on tomorrow’s comic. I will work on it more vigorously tomorrow morning and hopefully have it posted by the afternoon. You will see it tomorrow. I have the elements all made and so it just requires the put together part.

I wrote a bit of a fic before I wrote this. You’ll see a password protected entry, that’s because it’s not done but I published that so a friend could read it for me. When I complete that part I will post and either make that post public or give you the password. Either way, for now it is private.

Short post tonight. I’m tired.

PS. 3.1 Beta went live on the IPB boards today!!

PSS. Join Wootflakes or baby elephants will die!!

Almost Forgot

I was getting tired and I almost completely spaced posting my blog for the day. So updates…

Today was another day that I wasn’t feeling up to doing anything much. I had a headache most of the day and do not look forward to tomorrow. When I neglect cleaning I have to power clean more. Tomorrow is a power clean day because Fae’s Teacher will be here to teach her something new. I still need to clean my room from the things that I brought inside. It’s all crowded again. I need to get the clothes up, make my bed and go through the stuff that I brought in, most of which is craft stuff. It’s not hard but I’ve been working on Wootflakes mostly.

As for stuff that I got done today? Nothing out of the ordinary. Working with kids, working on website and trying not to pound my head on my keyboard. I feel that I got my main Wootflakes layout completed and so I have began to work on a red version of this layout and will push that momentum into creating a lot of colorful renditions of the box for any color lover. ^_^ I hope I tickle your fancy with them. Hopefully tomorrow I can get the Previous/Next links started and working. I added a link to the Archive since I forgot to put it there.

Tomorrow, remind me to post about the spam I get as it makes me lol. For now I’m going to sleep. Hope you’re having a good day.

PS. I changed Twitter updates to update once a week instead of once a day to cut down on the amount of twitter posts I have. ^_^