So, I have a new boy that I am dating and he has a somewhat obsessive ex that thought that he was cheating on her with me because we chatted on IM. Long story short it wasn't true. He broke up with her and now she's causing a big massive amount of llama drama which is sadly not llama-ey, just drama-ey.
Now to continue this fantastic story the other day she sent the boy in question a message that appeared to be a copy and paste of a FB conversation that she had started with me. Mind you, I have only sent her one correspondence and that was because she demanded one from me , to the boy. So I sent her a message back, that was pre-approved by both my Internet wife and my boy before I sent it. SO, this message was as follows:
Just so you know, we did sleep together. He's not yours to control and he can do whatever he wants.
Also the hickeys were from me, but had I known he wouldn't last that long I may have thought twice.
So you know what why don't you stay away from him. He doesn't want you anymore.
He's found a better woman to be with, he doesn't even know you exist anymore so just give up!
He told me how bad you were, how crazy you are. Well guess what, now he's mine just like I knew he'd be.
So get lost and stay away from MY man.
Now reading that, if you don't know me, is pretty good attempt at trying to pretend to be me. Unlike this person, there is capitalization and punctuation and even seems somewhat coherent, it's not even close to something I would write. Lets break it down on how Un-Morrigan like it really is.
First things first, I ALWAYS name the puppy. I don't care if you know exactly what or who I'm talking about, if I'm being administrative in any way I name the puppy so Geo( my boy's name) would have been mentioned first sentence.
While I can be talkative I'm not long winded. If anything, as you can tell, I am rather blunt.
I tend to not use the phrase Just so you know, especially when I'm talking to someone that I'm not on good terms with. It's just not a common phrase unless I'm on the phone informing someone of something extra. This information that I supposedly wrote was not just a "so you know" thing. This correspondence that I wrote is more or less a "bitch please" and so the phrase doesn't fit.
The "he can do whatever he wants" sounds so South Park-ish to me. I guess maybe but I would keep any correspondence with this woman, to be honest, about her and not about my boy, since that's actually where the problem lies.
I find the word hickeys lewd. I much prefer a gentler term like "Love Bites" or "Marked"
I would never discuss sex with someone that I didn't feel comfortable about it with. Which I don't really care but I mean I certainly wouldn't talk shop with an ex. Not really my thing. If you guys really want to know the truth? He rocks my socks.
I am not a jealous person, I actually support being friends with people that need it. Then again I may not support him being friends with her just because of her negative behavior but that's mostly because I've had enough negativity in my life to know that it doesn't get you anywhere, just sticks you in the mud and makes it difficult to move forward.
I don't believe that he doesn't want her, well maybe he doesn't, but honestly I know that people that have long relationships, regardless of how they act, care in a deeper manner even if they aren't the right match for one another. I do believe that he would like to be friends with her because I think he does respect her despite her flaws.
I, by no means, think I am a better person then this woman. I just know I'm different, nothing more, nothing less.
I absolutely do not believe that he doesn't know she exists anymore. She texts him all the time and he doesn't ignore her (did you know I had mind blowing 69 sex that I don't even remember. Neither does he.Weird. It must have been so amazing we both got a bout of amnesia about it.)
He did tell me about the jealousy and things but I would focus on that. really, it's her life, she should live it how she wants it.
I never said I knew he would be mine. Hell, had he said he had a girlfriend I wouldn't have even have thought he was on the market, not even a small bit.
I don't tell people to get lost, I tell them to gtfo (get the fuck off).
I would never say "MY man!" it sounds too Jerry Springer. Not just that there is no exclamation to emphasize it. I would simply say mine.
I also don't single space anything unless I'm writing disconnected thought sentences that relate to one another.
Lastly, I probably would have summed the entire thing up in about two sentences. "Stop being a fucking cunt licking bitch and take care of your daughter instead of focusing your life problems on someone that, honestly, should be commended for putting forth the effort to help someone that honestly doesn't appear to want to help themselves. Have a good life, I wish you and your daughter the best and I can't wait until we can maybe be friends.<333 Morr"
I'm sure there is more but that's all I feel the want to talk about. Needless to say my boy wants to talk on the phone and is fucking distracting me from writing any further so I will leave it here and bid you ado and enjoy the lols because Morr <33's you! Feel free to post your comments if you want.