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Morrigan

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  1. Morrigan

    More hours

    Some days I wish there were more hours in the day. If there were more hours in the day I could get more time to do things, spend more time with my kids and sleep more. All the things I feel I need but never feel I have time to do. I mean I have plenty of time with my kids (because I guess having a want for more time with my kids makes me a terrible mother or something like that) but more time would always be nice. I mean who wouldn't want to hear more stories from your kids or help them more on their counting or the letter B that they can never seem to remember? I don't know. I am taking five minutes of my time to type this up because I with I had more time to do this and work on other projects but I have to sacrifice each of them for something else that I need to do or someone else I need to see. I swear, if I can suggest something, never become an adult. being an adult sucks. Kid 4 life!
  2. So my boyfriend today said I need to focus my site creating juices toward one site and get the traffic up enormously and then from there market and see what we can do about possibly revenuing it and making it to where I don't have to have a conventional job anymore. Thinking about it, I agree but where to start? I don't have enough motivation most of the time to keep to one project (my current ten projects proving such a thing) and figuring out a way to drive traffic to my site is elusive to me. Of course I'm sure the first site that you think I should get going is probably Morrigan's Madness and that seems almost a good idea. It's the site I've had active and going for the longest and it's also my blog but I don't know of much that I could legitimately talk about that would drive more people to my site. I don't have much originality to be honest. I talk about my strife in life and who wants to hear that? Not even I like to hear myself whine and yet I do it on here like I'm some entitled blogger or something. <_< Not really but you get what I mean. Then there is my new site splash page Morrgasm which should be some sort of Morrigan content site with links to all of my projects, what I'm working on, what I'm doing. It'll likely have a feed from here to keep the information flowing. It seems like a good idea but what would I publish to this site to make it worth visiting other then links to my other sites. Transferring content I don't think is a good thing to focus on but I think that if I make it my MAIN site then it would be worth it. It would be like the ultimate splash page. Next possibility is to really focus one of my two comic ideas. Those have the most monetary potential if you consider it. There is Morrapocalypse or Wootflakes. Now Morrapocalypse is the Apocalyptic/Dystopic Comic that is there to both teach you something about surviving a dystopia and apocalypse as well as exposing some cliches. The skin is not done and I have no presence whatsoever but it does have a domain sister of Morrdystopia that has a forum on it. Wootflakes on the other hand is a geeky little spork that has mostly nerd humor. The skin is done but needs to be re-created and I already have some basis done I would just need to focus on getting them up regularly and advertising it. My other option is RPers Anonymous which is the site that I have the most focus on but the hardest time finding a software that is worth it and I can't afford to straight upgrade my server to a VPS to get the software that mostly works and I certainly don't have a few thousand to throw down to get it made and I'd have to go back to school to get the personal knowledge because all the crash courses that I've been through doesn't really teach me proper security and security is important for what I'm looking for. So this idea is my primary one but I don't have the money to throw at it. I guess with this, if I wanted to upgrade, I could do hosting packages for RPers for small fees and it would include cPanel but I don't know I guess it would depend I'd need enough interest in it to make up for the cost of the VPS. It' would be something simple like maybe 3 bucks a month or 5 a month with Morr Support. I guess I should see how the free hosting goes first. Last one is RP Status which is mostly supposed to be an addition to RPA so focusing on it would be silly other then posting to it updates. So it wouldn't be worth it without it's counterpart and see above for the problems with that. I guess there is one other, Faerie Reverie which is supposed to be a site (whenever I finish it) about kids especially my kids even though they drive me crazy. It could be something of an ideas to play with your kids (as I normally don't see pretty sites like it) but that would require me being a more involved parent and I don't have time for it most of the time. I'd have to figure out ways to make things fun for my kids without spoiling them. Another idea is to get Sex is Business off the ground which again would require a little money from me including getting my breasts done like I want to do and fixing my teeth. This one would be the site that I have photos of myself for sell in naughty ways. This is my preferred method but I don't know how to market a site like this. It would definitely be a ton of fun starting out with certain photos and moving from there but again what to do. My other domains like Knights of Cydonia, Card Rebellion, and Brain Damage are all RPGs so they aren't something to make money off of as they are simply hobby. The others Woothappens and Lady Pirate are re-directors to other domains and I just have them for prettiness and show. So needless to say these aren't options. Now what do I want to get from my endeavors? Enough money to financially support my ability to stay at home and work on them. This is my end all goal. With that it would give me the ability to do my other desires including writing a book without the drain of muse. So needless to say I'm already blech about this all. I want so much more and I can't attain it and I can't make a decision on what to focus on. I think my primary focus (until I decide) is to get Morrgasm up so I have my proper splash site and to-do list and determine my top priority. Feel free to post your opinion of this here as I'm always looking for feedback and suggestions. If you like an idea let me know and I'll try and put more weight on that.
  3. So I love my kids and because I love my kids I work. While this is good it makes me feel slightly bad because the things that they are not succeeding in makes me feel like I'm failing. Like my daughter. I know she can read, I have watched her do it, but because I'm not there a lot of the time I feel like I'm not succeeding in helping her further her skills. I feel that my lack of reading to her while she was younger has stunted her ability to read. I feel like an all around bad mother. I know I'm not, don't get me wrong. I'm there for my kids when they need me. I'm the fluffy stern woman that keeps them safe from monsters and darkness. It doesn't make it hurt less that my daughter is struggling to read. Now with that said she's going to summer school.... Yes a kindergartener in Summer School but I'm doing this to keep her from being a 7 year old Kindergartener. It's scary to think that she's not in second grade already but I have to stay strong for that. Adding to that I miss being at home with my kids. I remember when I was able to be home all the time and it hurts not to have that connection with them anymore. :( I live with it though, not happily. On the brighter side to that my boyfriend, affectionately called Cricket, has been an extreme help and rock for me and my wishy washy-ness. He helps with keeping me on the line of being stern but leaving me to my fluff. I definitely need him and love him to death. He keeps me grounded and sane. It's very nice having someone like him in my life. He also watches my kids for me when he can while I'm at work. This by itself helps me because it means I see my kids more. It's wonderful. I guess there is more but I've lost my train of thought. Hopefully I'll get to update this more soon.
  4. Morrigan

    Bonuses

    So I am one to admit I'm not super exorbananly happy with my job but C'est La Vie. I need a way to take care of myself and my kids and so a job is required. As such I've been working hard to get a pay raise and a bonus promised for good stats and attendance. I've been anxiously awaiting for this ever possible pay raise for 5 months. I got it! I got the Pay raise. I got the bonus... Now what does that mean? I know you're thinking "Uhhh... congratulations?" well yes! This means I can get a new computer to get back into my sites and groove and I'll have it all back to normal again... Well sort of. I'm not intending to get another laptop, I'll be getting a desktop finally. I don't think I've owned a desktop since I've personally owned computers. I know my parents did. So I'm so estatic right now that I've been bounding out of my skin all week. Now all I have to do is make the decision on the computer I'm going to make or build. Just thought you all may like to know!
  5. So I have been vacant lately and the past few I've been more so then normal. Well if you were curious my computer just crashed officially. Not a big thing I am pretty sure, right now, it is the monitor or the video card but it is an ancient laptop so that means I am lassoed to my tablet which is tedious to type on, or rely on other peoples computers which I prefer to not have to do. This means even more then having an overwhelming job I have only this tablet to do my hobbies on until I can afford a replacement computer. All projects are on hold until completion. Sorry guys. But poke me on Twit, facespace or my messengers if you want to chat it up.
  6. Morrigan

    Low Self Esteem

    So this isn't a new revelation to me. It was developed in lower school grades and as I got older it didn't go away. It's still a major issue for me to know that I'm doing good or looking good or whatever rendition thereof that I need to make sure that I'm living up to or better then people's expectations of me. I know, particularly shallow of me, but it's majorly where my shiny attitude comes from. Shine on me or be shiny around me and I'm a shiny person if I don't get shined on then I'm normally gloomy. It makes sense if you think about the sun and clouds. <_< So I have my boy and I love his cute little face to death but when I start to get a little down the small amount of affection, that was getting me down in the first place most likely, drops off the face of the earth which just plummets me into a very sad and serious panda. Last night I had a breakdown. He was on the game again and I was missing my kids and my affection from any facet. I was not feeling so shiny and it's hard for me to relay these things most of the time verbally (normally I just beg for attention in other ways, shaking my bum or getting in your face or try to get touchy feely or my worst case scenario is sighy and quiet). I feel like everything I say is clouded to him because I back it up with emotions no matter what it is. He thinks it's a device or something and I just try to hide it now but that just makes me all the more frustrated. I've considered ways to approach him about it but I can't find one giving up instead and I'm afraid that if I don't find this way and keep conceding defeat then I'm going to explode (as I normally do with these things) and then all hell will break loose (as they normally do) and I don't want it to happen that way I want it to work out but I don't have a good way to say, "just because I'm depressed doesn't mean you should drop affection." it's frustrating me. I'm confused. I'm hurt all over. I know part of this is my normal lack of children interaction during the days at work. I get default affection from them, even if it's simply "MOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM" or screaming and crying. I still get it and I know I'm needed and wanted. My things are always there for me and I love them all the more for that but I want the boy to be there for me to. I wish there was a "How to read signals" or "How to read minds" book that I can read and introduce to my boyfriend because I think this would fix most of my problem here. I do appreciate you guys listening to me rant. I feel a little less upset and angry about it now because I sound a little silly I know. I also know that I do need to find a positive way to negotiate an understanding of how to make me feel better when I don't feel great. Normally even forcing me to stop and just giving me a hug and a passionate kiss would help. I just like to feel wanted no matter what is gong on. The world could be crumbling around and life still wouldn't be that bad. I want this to work but I can't keep trumping what I need because he gets mad at me.
  7. So I feel that my Morrgroove or Morrmojo or Mojo-Jojo is gone and never coming back. I feel uninspired dull and downright blechy most days. I'll sit at my computer and things that make me inspired and happy to do online feel like chores. It's not supposed to be this way. My hobbies should feel fun and exciting to come home to. I should want to get all of my other stuff out of the way so I can sit down and enjoy the happy things and life. But I don't and it depresses me. So the normal responses that I'm sure I'll here is "Get a new hobby" or "If it depresses you then find out why" well I don't know why. I love being at my computer. I love writing. I love coding websites. I love making images. I LOVE Rping and yet all of these things don't inspire me at all. This could be the 12 hour days at work but really if that's what is killing it for me then why did I enjoy them in the first place? Because it killed time? I used to itch to get home and turn on my laptop and see all the amazing things I missed that day and regret missing it. Now it's just one more thing I need to do. I need my Morrmuse back. It's gone and I can't find it. If you see her please send her straight back with my brain. It would be muchly appreciated.
  8. So as always I Morr fuck things up. I swear I have a natural aversion to goods things in my life. It's like when good things come my way I avoid them like the plague but when bad things come I'm attracted to it like a magnet. The newest Morrfuckup is that I met this guy (and don't groan and be like oh one of those stories. STFU and listen) and it turns out that we have a lot in common. Mind you I've recently discovered that since I like a lot of things that I have a lot in common with a lot of guys. It's really easy to find things that you have in common if you have a lot to be in common about, but it's oddly different. I'm talking right down to the enjoying Hentai and porn here people. But anyways, I digress. So I fucked things up last night and really it is my fault and I know it is. I get overly sensitive especially when I don't fully understand the gravity of what I'm not supposed to be let in on and it hurts, I'll add a needless to say that I wasn't in the best of moods because it was in fact the Anniversary of my brother David's Death and it always hits me like a ton of bricks when I'm thinking it isn't coming for me. ANYWAYS! I got upset for no reason but it was a reason because I didn't understand and I know that's part of me but then when I tried to cheer him up he snapped at me and that just hurt my feelings and I've been hurt ever since. Now afterward, this is one thing that we work on different wavelengths on and it's difficult for me because part of it goes over my head and the other part of it just hits a brick wall and it totally throws me for a loop but he has no mannerisms. Or let me correct and say he has few mannerisms and it makes it hard to read. Now he tells me to just ask but I don't like to ask. I feel pesteringy when I ask because I feel like that's all I'm doing but he tells me to do it anyways and the other thing is that I have never been able to take things at face value. Ever. People don't talk like that. There is always underlying innuendo or something that I'm missing and even with what happened there was because I just didn't know the difference between upset and freaking out. It's a big difference and it makes it difficult to know what to do if I don't know what that difference is. Another difference is when I'm upset, no matter how I'm upset (sometimes even when I tell you to get the fuck away) I want to be cheered up or pushed back on. I like to know I'm wanted and I know he wants me but instead of getting push back I pretty much just fell over. Zayzie did cheer me up a bit but then I fell right back down the pit when I talked to him today. So I said mean things that I did and didn't mean. At least I think so. I've been hurt and I'm sad and all cry-ey which is really odd. I only say that because of all of the boys I've been with I didn't cry for too long afterwards or regret it really either. I mean I sometimes wish there were ways to fix it but looking back I'm better off without and I really regret the things I said. He's mad at me and I understand. I broke up with him because I was upset. I'm a Morron. I feel bad and I love him but I don't know if it's fixable. I hate when I can't fix it. Another thing is he doesn't like when I apologize but I apologize a lot. It's just something I do. Whether it's because I'm a submissive or I'm genuine or I feel that it's the way to get everyone happy again. I like when people are happy. I like to be happy so I apologize and he hates it and he snaps at me about that too. I don't know what to do to fix it as I can't wipe it away but C'est La Vie. As always. I fuck everything up. I am a horrible person. And we weren't even testing for that. #Morrfail
  9. Morrigan

    NaNo Begins

    So the month of NaNoWriMo begins and I am ill prepared and barely aware. >_< I have been sitting, considering what I would write about for three weeks, never making solid plans and now it's here and I have little to no idea what I will be writing about during the tumultuous time of NaNo. I have nothing more then a basic world idea and the fact that I want to write about it. Morrfail! So what does this mean? I need to go crazy about thinking at work on my breaks and my time off of the phones to figure out what direction I will go after work and really hammer some stuff out. On average I will have 2 hours a day to actually get any writing done. I don't think that I've ever powered out 1600 words of writing per day in 2 hours but I'm certainly going to try. At the moment my ideas are to either continue Supermassive (the novel I started last year) or start one of two ideas. One is a Girls Run the world novel about how their is an STD that kills women or one about how an innocent company creates an overbearing Social media platform that creates a dystopia. I think the former is the one I've decided on I just don't know the perspective I was writing from. I was pretty sure I was going to do it post war but maybe I'll do it pre-war but at the same time I have to figure out who is writing the story and why. Work will have it in for me. I better start the headache meds now. Well to the work chopping block and headache and to the NaNo not prepared grind! I can do this!
  10. So there is a contest going on at Distant Fantasies to help get the word out about the new Tweet Feature from their site to promote your site on Twitter! Yay them! Fun for RPs to get the word out their further! So I figured I'd let you all know about it: https://twitter.com/#!/DistantFantasy That's where it is. I've already followed it and tweeted the word. If you tweet the word feel free to post on the "Boards2go" http://boards2go.com/boards/board.cgi?user=distantfantasies Of course you can help Knights of Cydonia or any site that you'd prefer to be featured there and the ways are here: http://distant-fantasies.net/featured.php Have fun and thanks for supporting your local neighborhood Morrigan
  11. Elizabeth ran a hand through her reddened hair. She didn't like it but it was a precautionary measure, just like the colored contacts, the henna tattoo's and the mass amounts of makeup. She turned herself into a goth because he knew what she looked like. It required a look drastically different enough that he wouldn't recognize her. The traits of a good monster was the ability to adapt. Elizabeth adapted well. When Dexter saw her he looked again and by then she was gone. She hoped he thought he was seeing a ghost. Elizabeth had been stalking him for three weeks... maybe four? She was beginning to lose track. Without her steady routine one day ran into the next and then the next and it all seemed like one big exhausting blur of Dexter's grinning face. Despite her want to connect with him she knew killing him was for the best. Then why did her heart beat so hard when she brushed past him? He kept her up at night. She wanted his death for fear of her life but she liked him. If there was any other way she'd find it. The only problem was that she couldn't live in a nightmare forever. Dexter was her nightmare. She was in a living nightmare. That was why tonight was the night. There was no more waiting. No more worrying. No more dreaming. If she got rid of Dexter then Elizabeth got rid of the nagging prophesy. She'd be able to fall back into her normal routine again. She'd also be alone again with no hope for a companion. Life would be better without Dexter. Life would be worse without Dexter. At least she believed her life would be better without Dexter. Elizabeth sighed in frustration and tilted her head toward the floor with a final glance toward her adversary before she rounded the corner to prepare for the night. She required strength. She required willpower. She required sleep. ----------------------------- Six hours later Elizabeth was following Dexter through the crowds of one of the many street marketplaces in Miami. She stayed a safe enough distance behind him and looked at things, stopping constantly at booths that looked like she would be interested in. Blend and blend well. It was a tactic one learnt in High School with bullies and brats. She was one of the well blended brats with no money. Next booth. Next meaningless item that looked vibrantly gaudy, like she did. Soon Dexter reached the end of the market and he kept going which cause Elizabeth to pick up her pace. She just needed an alley. An alley and the wire in her hoodies pocket. She twisted her fist around the wire as she passed her first opportunity, Dexter too far ahead of her to take it. Alley. Building. Alley. Building. Elizabeth's heart started to race, the darkness inside of her taking complete form. The only thing in her head was her own dark, wide grin and blue eyes filled with a wild fire. Alley. Building. Alley... Elizabeth released a soft sigh as she jumped throwing the wire around Dexter's neck using her height as leverage to pull him backward and into the alley. She wrapped the wire as tightly as she could around his throat as he fought her, his elbows viciously jabbing into her breasts and ribs slamming her repeatedly into the brick wall of the building closest to them in the alley. Elizabeth couldn't help, during the struggle, that it was uncommon for them not to beg in some way. This didn't seem right. This wasn't right. Elizabeth loosened her grip just enough for Dexter to catch a lucky break slamming her into the wall again, a moan of pain escaping her lips as he twisted around holding her against the wall with his forearm on her neck slowly putting pressure. This was it, just a little more pressure and she'd pass out. A little more after that and her larynx would be crushed. Elizabeth gasped for breath as her hands pushed against Dexter her knee moving for the groin but denied by his prepared thigh. Slowly she felt consciousness slip away from her before the pressure was gone and she was on the ground gasping for breath, Dexter above her rubbing his throat. “What are you doing?” he growled at her. “What... I have... to, to..” Elizabeth coughed placing her palms on the ground to push herself up, “survive.” “And killing me is the way to survive?” Dexter asked her, helping her off of the ground pinning her against the wall with his imposing form. “I come back from the crime scene expecting to find you asleep on my bed and you were gone. I was going to tell you that you clean up everything very well.” He frowned, “Other then your body disposal but for now you were safe. So what do you mean survive? What are you hiding?” "I need to kill someone Dexter. I am unraveling inside,” while this was only part of the reason she hoped it was enough. Dexter's eyes bore into hers as they tried to read one another. Elizabeth still trying to catch her breath, every nerve burning for rest, to stop fighting and yet to stay awake and fight. She felt so conflicted. She had never been so out of control near someone before. She needed to regain something here. She needed to regain that sense of control she lost in the bedroom with the unfamiliar shoe. Elizabeth needed Dexter. Without words Dexter seemed to get the signal, or perhaps he wanted something from her just as badly as she wanted it from him but he pressed his lips messily into hers again his hands finding their way to her hips, her waist pulling her closer to him. While impulsiveness was the trait of a desperate serial killer she need something to keep hold of the thread that held all of her together. At the moment that something was him. For now, ignoring the nightmares were all she could do. A small amount of trust could lead to a whole lot of success. Or a whole lot of defeat. For now they both won.
  12. So I actually got to writing the next chapter in my Dexter Fanfiction and I've come to an impasse. I ddon't like the new direction that the previous chapter took me. Either I'm not liking how this chapter is coming out or I need something creative to point my character into a direction. Now, lets be honest, it's a fanfiction so I can have a bit of fun with it and I wanted a little bit of monster love in it so I could pivot my direction away from pure hate to pure lust and I don't think I'd have a problem but my question is, do you think that would deter my normal reader. I honestly don't know if it will or won't. Every one of the people that have read it like it so far and I have already added the element in there. So to romanticize or to not romanticize.... that is the question of a woman needing some romancing. I think the answer is obvious but if you want to put forth your input read the story. Current continuation chapter probably being sacked.... feel lucky I am sharing my unfinished work as I normally don't. Elizabeth ran a hand through her reddened hair. She didn't like it but it was a precautionary measure, just like the colored contacts, the henna tattoo's and the mass amounts of makeup. She turned herself into a goth because he knew what she looked like. It required a look drastically different enough that he wouldn't recognize her. The traits of a good monster was the ability to adapt.Elizabeth adapted well.When Dexter saw her he looked again and by then she was gone. She hoped he thought he was seeing a ghost. Elizabeth had been stalking him for three weeks... maybe four? She was beginning to lose track. Without her steady routine one day ran into the next and then the next and it all seemed like one big exhausting blur of Dexter's grinning face. It kept her up at night because when she slept she dreamt. The dreams growing more vivid, like he was attacking her through her dreams. They were no longer surreal dreams but more of lucid nightmares of being gutted one organ at a time. She was in a living nightmare. That was why tonight was the night. There was no more waiting. No more worrying. No more dreaming. If she got rid of Dexter then Elizabeth got rid of the nagging prophesy.She'd be able to fall back into her normal routine again. Life would be better without Dexter. At least her life would be better without Dexter. Elizabeth tilted her head toward the floor with a final glance toward her adversary before she rounded the corner to prepare for the night. She required strength. She required willpower. She required sleep.
  13. So I'm sitting here, staring at my computer screen, flirting with a guy via text and not able to really concentrate. Now, at first you'd think that I am not able to concentrate because of the flirting but texting is s sort of basic function in today's society, I can do it with my eyes closed almost so it's highly doubtful that it's the source of my distraction.So I continue to try to figure it out why I'm so scatter brained when I'm trying to write. Well I discovered my problem... the Internet. I started reading the most recent chapter of my Dexter fanfiction and I got a few paragraphs into it before I clicked onto Google+, then onto Knights of Cydonia (My RP) then onto Morr Dystopia (My Dystopia site). Afterward I did a few mundane things and then returned, forgetting of my prior plan to write. Now, I'm back to remembering but I'm tired which does not make a good brain for writing but the need/want to write. So now I will have to wait until tomorrow to write my next Dexter chapter. I think I will blame the temporary blonde hair for the ditzy behavior (although it's not uncommon)
  14. Welcome to the archives. I am the Chronicle Handler and Recorder Omniscient Nanite Intelligence Clandestine Living Energy Robotic, commonly referred to as C.H.R.O.N.I.C.L.E.R. In the archives you may access information collected and stored for reference. All of our data is meticulously compiled, checked, verified, and confirmed through our extensive and highly accurate intelligence network. However, we face realistic limitations that may render some of my data incomplete. My record is highly acclaimed as the best in all of Eurasia. In the archives you can access records and view research simulations. None of this information is prudent to today's society but may prove useful for a history report. So, how may I help you? You would like access to the Knight files? Those files are sensitive and you must have permission to access them. Do you have permission? Y/N..... Y. Alright. Please verify access by placing your palm on the scanner. Accessing allowed users. Access granted. Thank you. As you can see there are many knight files to choose from. I have them listed in chronological order but you may access them in the order of your choosing. Is their a specific file you would like to access at this time? Codename Supermassive? Searching.... Searching.... Codename Supermassive has been found. She is in many of the knight files but this one in particular is her specific archive. Would you like me to access it? Y/N..... Y. Feel free to exit at any time by typing exit on any computer within the simulation. You will not be able to interact with anything and the following sensations may cause disorientation and nausea but remember, it is just a simulation and nothing can physically harm you in here. Entering archive for Codename Supermassive. Initiating simulation protocol. Good Luck.
  15. Morrigan

    Editing

    Oh the pain and pleasure of editing! Pretty much I have gotten stuck somewhere around chapter 7 which is 50 pages into the story. Now I know why I'm stuck, I have neglected important information that one of the characters needs in order to continue on. Well that is never a good thing and often time gets to what I'm stuck in... writer's block. I'm not fully blocked I'm just having a hard time continuing with the story since the character that needs the information doesn't have it. So what should I do? Well if you are like half of the other writers that I know that say "just keep writing" then leave me be. You obviously have no idea, not only how, but why my brain works the way it does. If you are a psychologist perhaps you could tell me. Pretty much, since the story doesn't have the information my muse/character/person that I'm writing for refuses to continue to write as if they have the information. since they refuse to write I have to go back and fix it. Why not power through it like half of the other writers in the world seem to think I should? Because it doesn't feel right, it doesn't work to just keep going. If the character needs the information just powering through it may leave that information out, even in edits. So my brain shuts down until I fix it. So that being said I have been working on re-reading the previous parts of my story and editing as I go to find the best place to interject the information that I need, to add it so that the character has it. now re-reading some of my chapters I see some of the more major flaws that I had in them. They are even a little stale or lacking in detail which makes me glad for this initial re-write. It makes me happy that I can question my motivation and how I'm portraying the information to the reader. I now know that I need to put forth more detail in my work. More mannerisms, more information. I realize that I show absolutely no motivation or information for why Fillip or Violet are the way they are or even what happened to Violet and Kane. After this realization I also realized that I never intended to elaborate so you would just have to deal with half the information that you would need to properly understand the character dynamics between them so I need to add that information in somewhere as well. Like how long have Violet, Fillip and Kane known each other? Are they friends? Lovers? Have they ever been? Will they ever be again? What is their relation to one another in the story? While I know that information, I realize that I'm not providing that information to the reader. So in essence a pre-edit edit to fix my writers block is proving to be a good thing. In other news I am thinking about finishing Card Rebellion, the Alice in Wonderland RP I was wanting to work on. I have it half done. I need to finish the detail information and the premade list and once I've done that then I think it would be ready. I think I would definitely need a reliable co-admin, someone that could be there when I'm not. Unfortunately I can never seem to find one of those. Madness news we have a Facebook Connect app so if you like my facebook page you will get Madness updates every time I post. So please do so and you will get e-cookies. I may also be adding a Facebook widget to the sidebar so I can see who loves me most. <333 ;) I have also joined a few Sites, if you want to friend or add me on them just send me a message in any fashion you know how to get a hold of me (which normally is a lot of ways) or PM me on the site directly. The sites I've joined are as follows: RedRoom Authonomy GoodReads Add me, follow me, whatever. I <33 you if you want to chat. Definitely have no problem doing it while I'm online. Lastly, I think, Knights of Cydonia is doing very well. The activity picked up last week so if you want to be a part of my story book world before it even reaches print (it's sort of a laxer AU version but it works) then come check us out and join Knights of Cydonia!
  16. Morrigan

    Networking

    So if you knew it or not I'm working on writing a book and to do that I've been reading a rather informative book on how to get myself published. Mind you I'm an extremely slow reader and I have had little time to actually do any writing with being exhausted from work but I'm trying really hard. I have my game plan in motion on how I want to continue I just need the time and focus to do so. So, back to the explanation, it talks about networking and making a market for my book, finding that market or seeking it out. Now, that sounds like a great plan but I find a few flaws with that system. Who is my market? While I want to believe everyone is my market, obviously my market will stray to the Sci-Fi fantasy people and even maybe on the slightly gothic side. Well Sci-Fi is an extremely broad realm, where would I start? Well you'd think at Sci-Fi sites, but I go to a Sci-Fi site and all I see are things about pace and things. So I have a niche of Sci-Fi right? Dystopia. Because that is a sub genre for Sci-Fi that my book should fall into. Where do I go for Dystopia? http://dystopia.com/ That's the obvious choice right? But where is the community behind that? There are great film and book suggestions there but where is the community I'm looking for. So lets google it. When you google Dystopia you get facts and lists of Dystopia as a genre, still no community right? Well what about who inspired it? Muse. Well there is a great community that follows muse but what would make them interested in a "Muse inspired Dystopia"? What would draw that crowd to me as a writer? Well our love of Muse but I'm not a deeply musical person. I love music but how does that fit in with a book that I want to publish to promote it? Well get the people and they will love it? Well I want to but how does one wriggle there way into the community of something so intertwined? What would one do to try and reach out to other Muse fans and tell them that I am inspired to write a book that might be to their fancy as it is inspired by the same music that they listen to? How would one truly integrate themselves? Well there is always building a website? Well I have websites. I have many in fact. I even have a roleplay based in the world that I have created for this book, mind you it is far more lax then the actual book will be because I have to make it playable but it is a website dedicated to the world the book is in. Then get people attracted to the site! Ok! Come to http://knightsofcydonia.org join and RP! Did it work? Did I get you hooked enough to join? Have questions? Ask me there. *tests said theory* Another method is to do things like Podcasts and Tweets and Facebook about myself, about my book, about things my book is about and things like that. Well that's fine and dandy if I were making a book on how the world today is a Dystopia but I am not (mind you I do believe modern day America is a modern day Dystopia, ruled and controlled by the market, want to know more show your interest and I will blog about it). Now Podcasts, Sure, I'll do a podcast but what would it be about? Same things I've been talking about? I really want to start building this world of people interested in my work but really where does it start for a fiction writer? Where would I push to get people to like me as an author? My answer to that is through my blog here. While I only update semi-regularly I think that this is my best bet to gain any interest whatsoever. I do post my chapters to my Fanfiction here. I think that I may try to write short stories and post them here too. I certainly think that it would do me a world of good to concentrate on something that will focus me artistically, even if I'm tired. It says to work hard and work tirelessly. Well I'm already tired so lets either get changed into a vampire or turned into a zombie so I can work even harder. I want to do this. I CAN do this! I have never wanted something to be completed so badly in my life. Here is my attempt as a working tirelessly person: I will try to post something on this blog at minimum bi-weekly. I will try to post a short story set in the world I am creating at least monthly. I will try to keep this schedule as best as I can, even when stressed, tired or otherwise physically and mentally strained. I will try to respond to all tweets/facebook requests and blog comments in a timely fashion. I will try to keep up with my social networking medias so that you know that I am diligently trying to get this done. I will try to post updates as far as which chapter I have completed and how many words are done on the story, periodically. I will try to be a better person/mother/girlfriend/daughter/sister even during times that I may feel pressured or sad. I will try not to cop out and talk only about my emotions, having ideas and writing them down when I get them. I will ask for advice on things that I may not know much about. I will make myself as available as I can to both connect with people and be helpful in things that you may need help with. I will get published no matter what it takes.
  17. Morrigan

    Foreshadowing

    As Elizabeth floated in the soundless dark her body felt weightless like she was submerged in water though everything was clear. Or clear enough through the dark sticky hot water. Blood. She knew that's what it was. The insurmountable amount of blood that she had spilt over the years of being a sociopath. She thought there would be more then this. Too bad. Through the darkness there was nothing. Just Elizabeth and the blood. It was strangely serene. She couldn't help but revel in the calm the blood brought her. Just like when she heard the screams, her body quickly relaxing like having a deep tissue massage. Blood... it was heaven. Elizabeth was in heaven. All heavens had a flaw though, didn't they? There had to be something wrong with this place. Something that made it unbearable. Something that made this place hell. What would it be though? Out of the darkness Elizabeth saw an orange light. Quickly, it began to float toward her. As it got closer the color changed to purple, then green, then red. The red was not a normal red, accented by the blood around it. It's strange pallor almost made it pink as it slowly seeped into the blackness like blood into veins illuminating a bizarre scene in front of her. At first the scene was beautiful, it was Dexter and Elizabeth holding each other intimately. She almost smiled, she looked almost happy there. The feeling was foreign to her so the comfort made her feel good about this. Dexter in her life was a good thing. Beginning to smile at that thought the scene changed as the other Elizabeth and Dexter pulled away from each other and climbed calmly onto their metal slabs reaching out to hold each others hands. The straps appeared on both of them in a blink of an eye even as they held hands. What happened next startled Elizabeth as what she was expecting was herself to either break free from the table and run away from that intimacy or for herself to come and prepare to kill them both. It wasn't her though... “Dexter?” she muttered into the soundlessness. The Dangerous Dexter looked up to her with that wicked grin she had seen in her kill room. Calmly he placed a finger to his lips to indicate for her to be quiet before he continued toward the pair. Sadly all she could do was watch as the Dangerous Dexter shushed his slabbed counterpart, similarly to how he had done with her a moment ago, while holding a gleaming blade behind his back. Dangerous Dexter turned to the slabbed happy Liz and they stared at each other a moment. Dangerous Dexter leaned over and placed a small affectionate kiss on the slabbed Elizabeth's lips before plunging the hidden knife into her heart. The action made the floating Elizabeth push onto the ground in startled outrage a scream of no sound erupting from her lips as she swam for the surface of the blood to get away from Dexter. Elizabeth looked back to the scene and both Dexter's seemed to be free and both looked to her before they began to chase her. Elizabeth's eyes widened as she continued to try and get away, the large smiles on both of their faces making her heart pound in her ears. The blood keeping her firmly planted in place they Dexter's drew nearer. Elizabeth took a deep breath in the blood attempting to fill her lungs..... Suddenly Elizabeth's feet were released from the ground of the darkness. The Panic and sensation of drowning overwhelming her as the Dexter's reached for her feet. Suddenly the darkness was replaced with a painful light in Elizabeth's eyes and a sharp stabbing pain in her shoulder. The ability to breath overwhelming her as she took in a breath, the pain ebbing as she regained control of her body and tried to figure out where she was. Where was she again? Dexter's.... It explained the sharp pain in her shoulder from falling out of the bath, there was probably a shard of glass in it. Rolling over to lay on her back Elizabeth stared up at the blinding light taking deep breaths to control her breathing. Dexter was out to get her. Dexter was out to get her..... Dexter was out to get her and he was working on her killing ground! He was going to get her thrown in jail. She couldn't go to jail but she couldn't kill Dexter either. She's not strong enough. What to do? What could she do? Elizabeth looked around the room frantically for anything... everything. Quickly she decided she would leave. She had to get out of there. If she stayed any longer then the police would be knocking on the door ready to bring her in. He was going to get her. That's what that dream meant. He was like the rest. And if he was like the rest.... he'd end up like the rest. Quickly Elizabeth scrambled to her feet avoiding the glass shards that were spread across the floor. Moving quickly she grabbed her clothes pulling them on as she left Dexter's apartment. When she was ready Dexter would be the net person on her slab.
  18. So, I have a new boy that I am dating and he has a somewhat obsessive ex that thought that he was cheating on her with me because we chatted on IM. Long story short it wasn't true. He broke up with her and now she's causing a big massive amount of llama drama which is sadly not llama-ey, just drama-ey. Now to continue this fantastic story the other day she sent the boy in question a message that appeared to be a copy and paste of a FB conversation that she had started with me. Mind you, I have only sent her one correspondence and that was because she demanded one from me , to the boy. So I sent her a message back, that was pre-approved by both my Internet wife and my boy before I sent it. SO, this message was as follows: Just so you know, we did sleep together. He's not yours to control and he can do whatever he wants. Also the hickeys were from me, but had I known he wouldn't last that long I may have thought twice. So you know what why don't you stay away from him. He doesn't want you anymore. He's found a better woman to be with, he doesn't even know you exist anymore so just give up! He told me how bad you were, how crazy you are. Well guess what, now he's mine just like I knew he'd be. So get lost and stay away from MY man. Now reading that, if you don't know me, is pretty good attempt at trying to pretend to be me. Unlike this person, there is capitalization and punctuation and even seems somewhat coherent, it's not even close to something I would write. Lets break it down on how Un-Morrigan like it really is. First things first, I ALWAYS name the puppy. I don't care if you know exactly what or who I'm talking about, if I'm being administrative in any way I name the puppy so Geo( my boy's name) would have been mentioned first sentence. While I can be talkative I'm not long winded. If anything, as you can tell, I am rather blunt. I tend to not use the phrase Just so you know, especially when I'm talking to someone that I'm not on good terms with. It's just not a common phrase unless I'm on the phone informing someone of something extra. This information that I supposedly wrote was not just a "so you know" thing. This correspondence that I wrote is more or less a "bitch please" and so the phrase doesn't fit. The "he can do whatever he wants" sounds so South Park-ish to me. I guess maybe but I would keep any correspondence with this woman, to be honest, about her and not about my boy, since that's actually where the problem lies. I find the word hickeys lewd. I much prefer a gentler term like "Love Bites" or "Marked" I would never discuss sex with someone that I didn't feel comfortable about it with. Which I don't really care but I mean I certainly wouldn't talk shop with an ex. Not really my thing. If you guys really want to know the truth? He rocks my socks. I am not a jealous person, I actually support being friends with people that need it. Then again I may not support him being friends with her just because of her negative behavior but that's mostly because I've had enough negativity in my life to know that it doesn't get you anywhere, just sticks you in the mud and makes it difficult to move forward. I don't believe that he doesn't want her, well maybe he doesn't, but honestly I know that people that have long relationships, regardless of how they act, care in a deeper manner even if they aren't the right match for one another. I do believe that he would like to be friends with her because I think he does respect her despite her flaws. I, by no means, think I am a better person then this woman. I just know I'm different, nothing more, nothing less. I absolutely do not believe that he doesn't know she exists anymore. She texts him all the time and he doesn't ignore her (did you know I had mind blowing 69 sex that I don't even remember. Neither does he.Weird. It must have been so amazing we both got a bout of amnesia about it.) He did tell me about the jealousy and things but I would focus on that. really, it's her life, she should live it how she wants it. I never said I knew he would be mine. Hell, had he said he had a girlfriend I wouldn't have even have thought he was on the market, not even a small bit. I don't tell people to get lost, I tell them to gtfo (get the fuck off). I would never say "MY man!" it sounds too Jerry Springer. Not just that there is no exclamation to emphasize it. I would simply say mine. I also don't single space anything unless I'm writing disconnected thought sentences that relate to one another. Lastly, I probably would have summed the entire thing up in about two sentences. "Stop being a fucking cunt licking bitch and take care of your daughter instead of focusing your life problems on someone that, honestly, should be commended for putting forth the effort to help someone that honestly doesn't appear to want to help themselves. Have a good life, I wish you and your daughter the best and I can't wait until we can maybe be friends.<333 Morr" I'm sure there is more but that's all I feel the want to talk about. Needless to say my boy wants to talk on the phone and is fucking distracting me from writing any further so I will leave it here and bid you ado and enjoy the lols because Morr <33's you! Feel free to post your comments if you want.
  19. So I'm going to list a whole bunch of things that you may or may not know about me. I will be pretty truthful, maybe joke, maybe not. We'll see. I'm going to list as many things as possible. I'm 6'2" I'm a Virgo I have 2 kids (Fae and Troy) I have 5 brothers, 6 if you include my adopted brother Josh and 5 again if you don't count my deceased brother David. I love colored socks. I love shoes. I have more then 5 purses. I like hats but after I get them I rarely wear them and when I do wear them they irritate me. I love ruffly underwear. I love walking around in my underwear, even outside and have no problem wearing it to the store if I can't find pants. My favorite drink is Dr Pepper. I like silence, but live with white noise because without it I think my brain would melt. I prefer beer to hard liquor. I don't like fish unless it's Tuna. I have problems with certain textures in foods, mostly with onion, mushrooms and peppers. I named my daughter Coaliatha because I didn't want her to have a common name (like my own) and despise my ex-husband (and myself for allowing it) for naming our son Alexander. I own more domains then I can handle sites. I take on more then I can handle sometimes and it makes me meltdown. I love to RP but sometimes I get too wrapped up in my worlds. I tend to not finish projects that I take on because I lose inspiration or I melt down because of pressure either off the computer or on it. I like staying up late and I hate getting up early. I hate Monday's, almost as much as Garfield. I love to write. I want to finish a novel. I am decent at organizing things but terrible at keeping it organized 24-7. I like to plan to clean but not cleaning itself. I'm allergic to Latex. I've had sex with two men to date. I have a love for everyone but I'm emotionally hard to get intimate with. I don't orgasm every time during sex. I like to watch porn and hentai not because it's perverted but because it amuses me. My favorite book is The Giver. I have an infatuation with Serial Killers, especially Dexter (even if he is fictitious) I like to "marry" fictional characters, both male and female. I am in love with the female form and would happily attempt to have sex with a woman if I so felt the chemistry. I want breast implants because I hate having my no-boob-boobs. I sometimes hate being tall but would rather be taller then shorter. When I was younger I was called "Buns of Steel" by my family (want to know why just ask). I've been in five car accidents while driving but only one while it wasn't me driving. I love movies more then TV. I don't wear makeup and I don't like to do my hair. I don't like to go out but I want to be taken out (against my will as it were). The only thing I willingly shave on my body is my underarms because I don't hold a double standard about it because I prefer that men shave it too because I get grossed out thinking about the sweat beads that roll off of armpit hair. I hate talking on the phone but I will if I have to and am pretty good at getting mad at stupid phone reps. I snort when I laugh sometimes but I don't like it but some guys find it cute or funny. My favorite color is pink, followed by red and yellow. I like to wear high heels because I like being taller then almost everyone I know and hate feeling particularly short. I love IPB!!! I'm an official IP.Fangirl ^Matt Mecham certified. I like to watch corny Disney movies, not for my kids but for myself. I have been in love with a man I can't attain for a long while and am not sure he even likes me like that back and he lives half the world away from me. My biggest fear is dying alone. I wanted to be an arachnologist and an archaeologist when I grew up and ended up a computer nerd that isn't very smart. I say degrading things about myself because I want someone to tell me that it's not true. I want to find someone that loves the nuances about me, like the fact that I like to walk around the house in my underwear or the fact that I wear underwear and high heels while I clean or that I dance at any opportunity that I get with music or without it. My favorite candy bar is a Reeses Fast Break. When I swim I still like to pretend that I am a mermaid. I have started reading 5 books but haven't finished them (in the past 3 years). I like to dance to movie credits. I have a shirt that I call my "Dexter Dark Passenger" shirt that I like to put a male cologne smell on and sleep with when I feel lonely. I used to have four piercings and now have one on my clit hood which I'm considering taking out. I have a dragon tattoo and want many more tattoos. I spend more then I should because I like to keep the things that I love going to keep my own sanity. I get distracted easily but at the same time I can tend to get too focused on something. I bite my nails. I like to dance naked in front of the mirror, especially right before a shower. My favorite word is shiny. I don't think I'm a particularly good writer but I think I have good stories to tell and that's why I want to have a pubiished book. You can tell in the way I write things whether I'm enjoying it or not, or whether I know the character I am writing from or not. I hate reading but I love foreign horror and action movies. I tend to have a preference for clean American cinematography but I prefer the story/acting and whatnot of foreign films. I don't know if I'm bi because I've never experimented but maybe someday I will. I have a fond appreciation of the female form and will happy talk tits and ass with you about women, right down to the but-her-face's. I don't always give notice when I leave my computer. Despite regular protest I do like a regular slap on the ass. I love to be told I'm pretty because, despite my confidence, I have a rather low self esteem. While it sometimes takes me a bit to remember things I have a great memory. I still forget things but I think my forgetful scale is balanced at a 90% remembered 10% forgotten stuff. I want to get a few books published. Some are Romantic Vampires/werewolf books and the other are futuristic Dystopian Sci-Fi's. I used to think I was only into Medieval Fantasy works to find out that I'm more drawn to Sci-Fi works especially Dystopias (thank you Muse). I have a million pet peeves and I love to complain about every one of them until I'm blue in the face but I'm honestly harmless. I just want to get it off of my chest. In love with Arkasel and making plans to hopefully meet him to see if it may be true and returned feelings. I hate smokers. I prefer salty snacks to sweet ones. My favorite kind of cookie is a soft peanut butter cookie. I have a lot of love and being in love with someone is different then loving someone. I daydream about the time that I actually don't want to be on the computer and instead am happily cuddling my lover on the couch tracing idly on each others skin. *sigh* Dreams. I want someone to romance my pants off. I'm never going to get it and I know that. One of my favorite ways to write is in second person and have considered trying a book written completely in second person. I want to travel before I get too old for it. (India, Hungary, Japan, Ireland (so I can meet and whisk away my Irishman) England, Australia, Scotland, and many more. I want to learn many other languages, mostly those that coincide with the places that I want to travel to. My favorite Social Network is twitter or an IP.Board install even though I intend to make something of my own. Secretly I wish to rule the world and my plans to do so work into every little thing that I do. (Morr for World dominator!) My favorite Disney movie is Beauty and the Beast because for it means for beast's like me that their may be a beauty out there for me. My favorite cartoon character is Bugs Bunny. I'm a homebody and need people around me that don't let me stay inside all day. I say I don't like things even if I do just to have something to complain about but normally change my opinion in the future when you don't realize it. Or if you do realize it I change my tune saying that I "always" liked it and that you didn't remember correctly. My favorite fruit is apples. My favorite vegetable is a potato. My favorite type of food is Pasta, normally with white sauce. I have been tempted to go vegetarian but then I eat something with meat and change my mind. I only had 8 hours of active labor for both of my kids. I have one tattoo of a dragon on my left shoulder. I want a tattoo of a faerie on my left hip, a rocking horse on my right hip and some sort of tramp stamp for future tattoos. Maybe more. I used to have four piercings; navel, nipples and clit hood. Now I just have the hood piercing having taken the others out for Thing 2 (or my son) I call my kids Thing 1 and Thing 2 and they answer to it. I know Dr Suess' full name. I think the coolest thing about RL Stine is that he can write children's shows as well as awesome, scare your pants off horror. I'm afraid of heights. More then being afraid of heights I'm afraid of dying a spinstery old hag alone with my cats eating me. I still believe in wishing on stars. I believe in karma. I believe this project took far too long to complete. I wonder how many books it would take to sell to make me feel like a successful author. I worry that all my kids are going to remember about me when they get older are the horrible things about me and try to change them but then just get so steaming mad I revert to programming. I'm rather vain but I can be sated with a few cat calls or compliments as I'm self conscience. I hope you all learnt at least one thing about Morr. If you didn't enjoy this then don't blame me, I didn't make you read it. If you want to know more then feel free to comment and ask.
  20. So I was talking to a friend and one of my fellow RPers Anon administrators and neither of us are very happy with the Social networking softwares that we have found to change RPers Anon over to the new software that we find fills the needs and dreams we want to make for it. We already switched to Dolphin which is alright but it certainly is just "too much" and not very intuitive. There are far too many dependent modules and it is far too expensive to get the features that we want. So we've been looking into other means of getting the results that we want. We've tried Elgg, which looks like the most promising but the support in the community is lacking as well as the basic functionality that we want for the site. She's tried Drupal (the bane of my existence) I've looked at other softwares and they are either expensive or ugly to even look at let alone consider skinning. Now that leads to the reason why I'm even blogging at the moment, I WANT WHAT IS IN MY BRAIN TO JUST APPEAR. I Want the code to just appear from my head, perfectly formatted, and give me what I want. I'm nowhere near coding savvy enough to make something that is secure and nice. (I've tried and it was a very poor attempt back then, let alone looking back on it now). I really want something not too elaborate or needy. I mean the basic things that we want is: Members Messaging Friends Groups Fan Pages Statuses of some sort Notifications An update of what the person is doing around the site Discussions (preferably just in Groups I don't think I need a general forum anymore at all) Site Directory (Which might be integrated into the Fan Pages) Profile Comments Liking things on profiles and in groups (to go into what the person is doing on the site) A Default Portal page that has this information laid out in a nice fashion. Now looking at the list I feel like it's a lot of stuff (especially since I have a feeling it's not the entire list) but there are things that irritate me and I want something that my members can really connect with for RP. I don't want a basic forum. I want an honest to god, made for RPers, by RPers Social Network but I can't afford to buy someone to code something for me. Maybe if someone loves me enough they will be inclined to help me out. I'm not a complete coding dunce but I'm a poor mum. Maybe I can exchange awesome Morrness (posts and IMs and Tweets and general time spent) for some intense coding help or even some development help. Wishful thinking I'm sure...
  21. Morrigan

    Cheshire Grin

    Elizabeth's feet throbbed. She looked down to see what it was that was making them throb to see that she was standing on a pile of rocks outside somewhere, no shoes on. She took a step forward, the rocks digging into the tender flesh of her feet. She took another step. It was agony. Why did it hurt so badly? Where was she exactly? She didn't remember leaving Dexter's apartment. Actually she knew she hadn't left Dexter's apartment, so how did she get there? Wherever there was. She looked up from her feet to see people. Not just any people but detectives, forensic scientists, cops. There was yellow tape, flashing lights. It couldn't really be? Her killing ground? She looked beyond the vehicles and people, her shoddy killing house appearing out of a mist. It looked more decrepit then it normally did. The right side seemed to droop almost like it were about to fall off the house altogether. The roof was more of a brownish red instead of a red like she remembered it being. Elizabeth took another step toward the house. It practically doubled in size. She looked up and around her, the house's walls bending outward as she breathed in. She released the breath and the walls returned to normal. She repeated the action watching as the house mimicked her. It should have been more strange to her but she was sure that houses did things like that. It made sense didn't it? She took ascended the steps, her throbbing feet protesting each step until she was in the house. It was like her feet didn't want her to enter but once they were inside they had lost so they complied with her will. Although, now she wanted to leave. The house denied her exit, the door not budging forcing Elizabeth to turn and face the horror within. The walls bled. The screams reverberated through the walls making the house sound like it was groaning. And there, lined up down an endless corridor were her victims. Each strapped and wriggling to get free of the metal slab she had executed them on. Each one laughing hysterically instead of screaming in pain. She took a step toward them. The first one trying to look up to her. “You shouldn't have killed us,” the man said in the many voices of her victims. She opened her mouth to refute the comment but all that came out were garbled letters that she couldn't read. “You shouldn't have killed us,” the voices repeated starting a taunting chant. Elizabeth grabbed at her short hair tugging at it to feel the pain of it but nothing happened. She opened her mouth to scream but nothing came out. She leaned against the closest moaning wall sinking to her butt, her eyes closed as she tried to pull herself together. Tried to think of what she could do to the already dead. When she opened her eyes again she was downstairs in her kill room. Looking around the room she saw Dexter, a dark smile of excitement on his face as he reached out to her. She took his hand allowing him to pull her to her feet, across the room to a small corner. The corner was ordinary, sterile. Just as she left it but he brought out a cotton swab, swabbing the corner returning with a q-tip of blood. She looked from the bloodied q-tip back to the corner and the wall had began to bleed. Her eyes widened as she looked up to the gleeful smiling Dexter. She attempted to scream again but still there was nothing that came out. The blood began to fill the room, a small puddle growing quickly to a wading depth. Shortly it was up to Elizabeth's neck. Dexter still stood a few feet away, his ever prominent wicked smile on his face as he held the incriminating evidence up for her to see. The blood rose, covering her face. Elizabeth tried to swim but her feet seemed fused to the floor. The darkness began to settle around her. Where was she again? How did she get there?
  22. While I, as a RPers, know what it is like to be behind the grind of your posts being behind on NaNo is exhausting. At least on a RP you can tell someone that your reply may take a few days and then you have a grace period with NaNo if you get behind it's like a scramble to get caught up. I didn't NaNo for 5 days because I was exhausted after my daughter's birthday and I'm still behind. I feel like I'm never going to get caught up writing 2K to 2.5K every night before bed and I'm still 2.5K words behind. It's tiring! Good gravy it's tiring! I stay up until midnight every night and get up at 6:30 every morning. I'm ready for a break! The only problem with taking a break means that I have to do more catching up. No rest for the weary I guess. I'm hoping that here in the next day or so I will get caught up. Zayzie has been helping me push to get the words out but I haven't surpassed quite yet. I know that the Writer's chat room helps. OH! WTF Batman!? I write similar to the way I RP but I have a particular tactic that I make sure my story is cohesive and if something doesn't work right that is stopping my ability to continue forward then I fix it before I continue. WHY the HELL!? would everyone sit here and tell me to skip it and move on. If it's not working right now how in the hell is skipping it to go to the next part going to make it any better? All I'm doing is continuing the dredge of the not making sense world and it won't make any more sense if I keep writing or not. In fact it will probably make less sense and then I'll just have a mass jumble of words by the end of it. Don't tell me to just "skip it"! That doesn't work. Skipping the problem doesn't make the problem go away. Trust me, I have an ex husband and if I could skip over the problem I would but I can't. It has to make sense or else I dwell, I brood, and I can't write. I have to fix the problem!!! I don't understand how anyone thinks that skipping the problem will make it go away or make it work somehow. Changing/fixing is the only way to go. Ask Tim Gunn. RAWR!!!!!!!! Note to everyone that wants to help me when I say a scene isn't working: Cheer me on! Help me work it out! Give me a pat on the back! Snug me! HELP ME! DON'T, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS LIVING, TELL ME TO SKIP IT! That fucking aggravates me more then life itself! Also, for the past few weeks my life (particularly my driving life) was filled with music fail. First, on the cable Dance channel there was all medium speed unfamiliar dance music and it wasn't all that dancey, it was more of a trance and it wasn't inspiring to do anything. Then in the car, every time I get in, either it was the same song or the commercials for most of my trip. I mean, commercials keep music free but seriously!? I don't spend that much time in the car and listening to commercials is just major fail and it was bull! Thank you for listening. Until next time everyone. Same Morr time, same Morr channel!
  23. Elizabeth teetered as she looked up at Dexter. She was trying to read what he was going to say before he said it. She hadn't exactly told him something that you could process in seconds, like "I'm pregnant." No, this little tidbit of information was more along the lines of "Daddy, I'm gay." Although that didn't nearly have the consequences of what she had just told him. "Dexter?" It took a moment but his name seemed to bring him down to earth and he stared at her for a moment before he made his move. It was not one she had anticipated although she probably should have. Or maybe not. He crushed her against the door, lifting her, as he did in her dream, with his knee between her legs and held her there with his forearm. Breathing. Staring. Was he trying to gauge her sincerity? Her threat level? "What makes you think that I'm anything like you?" he growled at her. She couldn't sit here and let him crush her, she didn't have the strength to fight back but she didn't have the willpower to quell the raging beast within her any longer. Elizabeth did what the monster asked of her, succumbing to it's rage, it's itch. First was the knee to the groin, he didn't have time to shift to avoid the impact with one of his knees supporting her. He dropped her and moved back, his body bent in half from the pain. She quickly put her hands up and punched him, his head tilting back and breaking the mirror. She quickly wrapped her hand around the back of his neck bringing his face into her knee. He was conscious again bringing his hand between his face and her knee, softening the impact for him. Dexter put his shoulder into her gut and pushed her backwards breaking the glass of his shower box but having her against a wall. Elizabeth cried out, the pain coursing through her body as she felt her insides churn. She brought her elbows down on the back of his neck. Once. Twice. Three times before he took a step back and took a swing at her. She ducked almost fast enough, he caught her hair against the tile. She moved a foot and stepped on a piece of glass, then another, the pieces slicing into her feet. He quickly latched his fingers into her hair and pulled her around to hit her head into the wall. Elizabeth's ears began to ring as he did a second and third time. One or two more times and she'd be dead. The Monster cried mercy, she cried out stop but it was barely more then a whimper. She had to get his attention by either getting the upper hand or... well death was the other option. Elizabeth, barely able to think put her palms against the wall and pushed. She gave herself enough room to push off the wall with her feet toppling the surprised Dexter onto the ground beneath her. She scrambled to straddle him, her hands wrapping around his neck. She lifted his head and gave him the same punishment he had just given her. One. Two. Three. She pounded his head onto the tile surface of the bathroom floor, then she stopped, her fingers still wrapped idly around his neck. No pressure although she could attempt to strangle him, it probably wouldn't be effective and she'd probably just make him pass out. Dexter grunted and toppled her weight with a move of his hips and he was easily atop of her with his hands on her neck. Elizabeth looked up at him. He down to her. They were a broken mirror staring back at one another. Not exactly an identical copy but alike just the same. They both had blood on their hands. "I don't want to kill you Dexter," she croaked, barely audible. "That's not what it seemed like when you hit my head head against the ground," he growled at her. "Payback for the forehead," he smirked at the thought. Only they would have thought that amusing. "I don't want to kill you either." "Then why don't you get off of me and lets go talk." It took a few more minutes of staring before either of them let up enough to let the other one relax. When their fingers slowly uncurled from each others necks they helped one another up. Elizabeth took in a sharp breath as she came to her feet. "I can't seem to stop spilling my own blood it seems," she said sarcastically, leaning her weight on the unsteady Dexter. "Sorry about that." "It's alright," she said to him as she limped into the bedroom with him. She plopped onto the bed as he sat down next to him. "Let me see your feet." Elizabeth twisted, pulling her feet onto his lap so that he could inspect them. He pulled at her toes but he didn't touch the wounds. It was nice to see someone else that knew how to take care of a cut like she did. She closed her eyes. "I'm sorry about that. I couldn't help myself." She heard his breath but couldn't tell if it was amused or disbelieving. "Seriously, how could you tell that I was like you?" he asked again placing her feet onto his lap. "I don't know," she said giving a shrug. "It's like recognizing another predator. Your hair stands on end, you can see their teeth and you the glint in their eyes and then its gone. You didn't see it in me?" "You're obviously better at hiding it." Elizabeth opened her eyes and looked at him. "Really? I was going to tell you the same thing. Maybe I just saw it first. I had just sated my need a few nights before. The darkness was sated. Now I can't even keep myself from attacking the nicest man I know," she said with a sigh. "You were just protecting yourself. I would have done the same thing." "I guess... I think it's more then that though." "Like what?" "I haven't had a victim in about a month and my blood itches for it." "Well then why don't you?" "I can't," she watched as his face furrowed in confusion. "I'm worried right now that our little excursion in there didn't already pull a few stitches out let alone dragging a dead body around and those are minimum requirements," she finished, looking to the ground beside the bed. Dexter grunted an acknowledgment. Silence fell upon the pair. She had a feeling that he knew, without words, what she wanted. It was more then a want, she was sure he understood that but it was a boundary that neither of them had crossed before. Trusting another person with a secret as sensitive as this. "Dexter?" A phone rang and he shoved his hand in his pocket. He looked at it. "It's work," he said pointing at it. "Morgan. Alright, I'll be right there." "Talk about this later then?" "We'll have to. Dead body found out in the Southern Glades about." "Ten miles north of Ingraham Highway," she said with him her fists clenching into the palms of her hands. "Yeah, how'd you know?" Elizabeth released a breath of forced amusement. "That's my killing ground." Dexter stared at her for a moment before gently removing her feet from his lap. "Stay here, I'll be back in a few hours and we can talk. I'll let you know what I find." "Hopefully not more bodies," she said standing up on her hurt feet, a shard of glass still within digging deeply into her cut. "Dexter," she looked up to him, "thank you," she told him, standing on her toes, wrapping a hand around his neck and pulling him down into another of those messy kisses which he returned in kind. "I'll be back," he informed her. "Dexter?" He turned to her a second time. "Don't forget to clean up before you go," he looked down at his bloodied hands and breathed in amusement. "Thanks," he disappeared out of the door and he was gone. This was not good for her. What had she forgotten? How did someone find a body out there? What evidence did she leave in her graveyard? She was going to jail wasn't she?
  24. So NaNo starts in just a few days (you'll see a NaNo widget go up into the sidebar when it does and I would appreciate cheerleaders and support during this treacherous and tumultuous torment of tantalizing typing) and I'm at a loss for what to write. Now don't get me wrong, I know the genre, I know the world, I know most of the characters but it's the story that I don't know about. To explain further. I've started a world originally inspired but the music group Muse that eventually became it's own little place in the fiction setting and is now a complete world, with maps, and gizmos, an way of life and everything. It's a Futuristic Dystopian society and if you want to take a peek feel free. The place is called Knights of Cydonia. So that being said, I have the setting and I have quite a few plots as I have quite a few characters to follow along with arcs that encompass them all. My problem is which story should I start off with. The story that I want to write, because I am putting off creating the character in the game right now, is a story about my character Mordria, who is a Gypsy that gets driven away from her family pack. It is an inspiring little story because I have the beginning (minus the introductions that I like to do) all planned out in my head. The problem? Is I don't really have a direction to go with it. I don't have middle even though I do have an end. So I can't write a story without the meat but I don't know what her purpose is in the story in my head. Now on the other hand I have a completely thought out, what should happen from beginning to end story but after considering what is involved to happen I don't think it's the first book and starting in the middle of a series just seems silly but it might be my best option at this point but it doesn't alleviate the problem that it's not half as inspiring as the Mordria plot although it is more developed. Another possibility, of course, is that I spend the next six days pondering the beginning. What started what I have now in the world. How far back do I want to go? I mean the site has a 1100 year old history. Should I write a story about the breakdown in society? I think that's one of those chronicle books that comes out way after ta majority of others but it would technically be the beginning. When the government rose to power and did their dastardly things but I sort of want to keep some of that stuff safe from the readers and expose it like a blooming flower. I could also go with a Samuel Gufner time line, when the knights were founded but that's again something that I don't want to fully expose until later. I have been developing this world for 6+ months and I don't know where the beginning is. I guess my best bet would be to start with a character that is involved in it. Theresa Pulsar would be the character for the New Born Program along with her husband Casius and their family. Again New Born Program is not the beginning of the story. Violet could be a good start but the question is I don't know where she begins and her story ends. I think what I should do is start with Julian and Violet. Maybe something romantic! NO! I have it. Julian, Violet, Fillip falling out! This will work wonders.... Maybe. I think it will. This will be perfect. the Story Arc will be Violet's falling apart, my plan for her in the game so this will be a fun story to write. Thanks for listening to me get it in order. Story to write: Violet's falling out with the Knights and her redemption.
  25. Dexter had come the next day, and every day while Elizabeth recovered in that hospital bed. It was a pleasant surprise to see his smiling face everyday despite the growing ache. She could feel the desire within her, spreading through her blood like a virus. She should have already been stalking her next victim but she'd been in the hospital. It was unbearable even as she was able to stand on her own without supervision. The only thing that kept the inner darkness at bay was the possibility that Dexter may have been like her. Gratefully today she was discharged and life continued on as normal. While in the hospital she made her official statement on the attack in her apartment with everything she “remembered”. Shortly afterward Dexter told her that the case of Piper Adams' murder had been closed. Now she was free to commune with Dexter in public without sullying his credibility by being a suspect in one of his cases. Lucky for her, Dexter had asked her out to dinner that evening. He informed her that he wanted to make up for all of the hospital food she had to eat. Since it was such a nice offer she couldn't refuse, not that she would have. Dexter was a beautiful creature of darkness. He was so inexplicably average it was like looking at a mirror. Nothing about him would stand out to anyone unless you knew what you were looking for and even then... it was a difficult thing to see. If, in fact, that was what she saw in him. Elizabeth ran another frustrated hand through her hair trying her damnedest to keep the edges of tape from snagging in the unruly mop of too long hair. It didn't really work the way she had hoped and she ended up ripping off the bandages on her arms despite doctors orders. Once the bandages were removed she couldn't help but admire the wounds, turning her arm in the mirror to get a full view of them. Scars. That's what they said she'd have, scars. She had never had outward scars before, all of her damage was on the inside from years of abuse. Now she'd have scars some on the outside. Disgusting. She was already beginning to hate herself for it. Elizabeth had to restrain herself before she put her fist into the mirror and caused more damage. She didn't need any more of her blood shed, especially not when she was being picked up by Dexter shortly. Grinding her teeth to get control of her temper she dropped her arm and stormed out of the bathroom. She wasn't sure she could look at her disgusting body anymore. She breathed heavily as she sat herself in the chair in her living room. Her dark temptations were starting to get to her. She felt agitated, she needed release but she wasn't prepared for it. She wasn't physically strong enough to make sure that she didn't get caught but she was beginning to deteriorate from the inside. Every muscle in her body ached, pleaded, moaned for the release that only a kill could give her. She needed it. She couldn't wait any longer. 3 weeks in the hospital under surveillance to make sure she was healing properly before they let her out was enough to make any sane woman go stark raving mad. She wasn't an average sane woman but the lack of victim, or even prospect, made her a risk to everyone. Even Dexter. Elizabeth couldn't see him tonight. She needed to kill something. If she saw him then she might lose herself and try to kill him. She needed to get out of there but she knew if she left then she was going to kill someone recklessly but if she stayed then she put the one person that held her interest at risk. She had to go. Elizabeth stood up and grabbed her keys. As she reached for her coat... Knock. Knock. Knock. The sound made her freeze. She was caught. No not caught, but she couldn't escape the date now. Elizabeth took a deep breath, grabbed her purse, placed her keys inside before she opened the door to see Dexter's smiling face with a single Lily, how appropriate. She gratefully accepted the flower smelling it momentarily, “Thank you.” “You look, nice,” he said as his eyes looked her over before they came back up to her face. “Thank you again. Shall we?” “Yes, we shall,” he said offering her and arm. Elizabeth stepped out of her apartment, carefully locked her door before she took his arm. “Thank you for coming with me. I know you've had a rough past month,” he said looking down at her with a smile. “Trust me, I'm glad to be out of the house,” even though I'd rather be finding something or someone to kill. Elizabeth's body felt like it was freezing yet on fire. She wasn't sure how long she'd be able to last before she'd snap, and the date just started. Gratefully Dexter opened the door to allow her to seat herself in his car. She slid in slowly, carefully. He was soon in the car beside her, lights on and car started. The date was on and all she could think about was what was in that car that she could wrap around his neck and kill him with. Elizabeth took a deep breath as she rubbed her hands together nervously. This was wrong, she shouldn't need a kill so soon after her last one, 4 weeks was not a long time between kills, if you did them more often then people got suspicious. The ache wasn't about the kill, no it was about redeeming her pride after being violated. Without the actual culprit that stole her dignity she had to torture some other man to get a similar satisfaction. She needed blood on her hands, in her control. Her choice on how fast or slow it falls. She needed to show him who was boss. She needed... “Are you okay?” Elizabeth's eyes shot to Dexter, a little more venomous then she had intended. “You just look really nervous. I promise I won't bite.” That wasn't the problem. Elizabeth huffed her frustration. “I know. I just feel...” she wanted to tell him honestly, go to jail, die, kill or go home, “empty right now. The man took something from me. Something I can't exactly explain without sounding strange but I want it back and despite how much I want, no, need it. I'm not ready for it,” she clenched her fists, kneading her thigh with her knuckles. “What did he take from you?” “He took my,” pride, sex appeal, faith in myself, “happiness from me. You've been the only thing that's kept me from hating myself. I just feel,” disgusting, angry, frustrated, violated... Elizabeth hadn't noticed that the car was stopped but when Dexter gently moved her chin to look up at him, it was apparent now. “A sadness that eats you from the inside out?” “Yes,” she breathed. “It will go away.” “I don't know ho...” she couldn't help herself, he was so close. He smelt of blood again and now that she had her lips pressed against his, he tasted of it as well. She was sure that both the smell and taste were just in her head but that didn't stop her from pressing harder. It wasn't like Elizabeth to get so physical. She preferred her loneliness normally but the kiss was a personification of her frustration, her ache. She needed something to dull the need, to dull her senses although the kiss wasn't working. “Take me home Dexter,” she breathed breaking her lips from his, her fingers gently caressing his skin. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Elizabeth's eyes opened to see an empty pillow. She could hardly believe what she had just done, although it wasn't much of anything. Dexter had gotten her to his apartment and she fell asleep on his bed. Why had she fallen asleep? She didn't remember being tired before she had gotten there and yet, she had fallen asleep. Elizabeth rolled to her back, looking over the room. It was clean, modern looking. Nothing out of the ordinary that would lead someone to believe that he was like her. Which meant that if he was like her, he was careful. Elizabeth sat up, continuing her search of the room with her eyes for what would let her know if he was like her. She idly began to scratch her arm as she stood up. She began looking over the mundane items on his dresser, his nightstand. She opened his closet still scratching at her arm. Shirts, pants, suits. Nothing. “Sleep well?” a voice came from behind her. Elizabeth quickly spun on her heel to see Dexter a lot closer then she had anticipated. “I think so,” she replied with a breath of amusement. “You're bleeding,” he said pointing to her arm moving closer to her to look. He offered her his hand to her to inspect further. She gave it to him, her eyes looking down to the damage she had caused. She hadn't even noticed that she had broken the skin. “I am,” she said plainly. “I don't know what happened. I didn't even feel the itch,” she lied. She did feel the itch but it wasn't on her skin, it was under it, coursing through her veins in a place that only one thing could help scratch. “Let me get something to clean that up. Um... what were you doing in my closet?” he asked as he dragged her with him to the bathroom. “Looking,” to see if you hid what I think you are in there. “Looking for what exactly?” “I was just looking,” she told him as he moved deftly to grab a cloth and rubbing alcohol. He quickly ran her arm under cool water before wiping away the clear liquid and dabbing it with alcohol. The stinging from the alcohol brought her back down to earth. She felt almost centered with the pain, then it was gone and so was the control. She felt the numbing ache in her stomach, the need for a kill, for revenge. The itch. “There's not much in there except an old chest and my clothes,” he said as he worked. “What's in the chest?” “My father's gun.” “Why do you have it?” “Because we used to go hunting together and those were some of my best memories of my father.” Elizabeth nodded as he returned her arm to her with a bandage in place. Another scar, she thought sourly as her eyes went to the mirror where she could see them both. “Have you ever felt that there was something you knew about someone but you were too afraid to ask if you were right and the thought of it made you anxious?” “Well yeah, but I normally just ask them and if you're wrong they tell you, then you don't have to stress about anymore.” “But what if it was a secret, something no one was supposed to know.” “I guess it would depend on the what you knew.” “Dexter,” Elizabeth said, turning her eyes from the mirror up to the man himself. “I think you're like me.” “And what is that exactly?” Elizabeth looked in his eyes, trying to read what he was thinking, trying to gauge what he was going to do when he heard this. The ache roaring within her, her need to practically bathe in blood, to hear someone scream out her name and ask her to stop. She didn't know how to quiet it and she didn't have the ability to do it on her own, not yet, not without hurting herself further. She had to know, perhaps he'd help her. If he wasn't like her then perhaps he'd turn her in. If he wasn't then maybe he'd ignore it as delirium, or have her institutionalized. It would make the world a safer place, that's for sure. If he wasn't then she'd have to kill him. If he was then she may have to kill him. If he was she may have to let him live. If he was... “A Serial Killer.” Dexter had come the next day, and every day while Elizabeth recovered in that hospital bed. It was a pleasant surprise to see his smiling face everyday despite the growing ache. She could feel the desire within her, spreading through her blood like a virus. She should have already been stalking her next victim but she'd been in the hospital. It was unbearable even as she was able to stand on her own without supervision. The only thing that kept the inner darkness at bay was the possibility that Dexter may have been like her. Gratefully today she was discharged and life continued on as normal. While in the hospital she made her official statement on the attack in her apartment with everything she “remembered”. Shortly afterward Dexter told her that the case of Piper Adams' murder had been closed. Now she was free to commune with Dexter in public without sullying his credibility by being a suspect in one of his cases. Lucky for her, Dexter had asked her out to dinner that evening. He informed her that he wanted to make up for all of the hospital food she had to eat. Since it was such a nice offer she couldn't refuse, not that she would have. Dexter was a beautiful creature of darkness. He was so inexplicably average it was like looking at a mirror. Nothing about him would stand out to anyone unless you knew what you were looking for and even then... it was a difficult thing to see. If, in fact, that was what she saw in him. Elizabeth ran another frustrated hand through her hair trying her damnedest to keep the edges of tape from snagging in the unruly mop of too long hair. It didn't really work the way she had hoped and she ended up ripping off the bandages on her arms despite doctors orders. Once the bandages were removed she couldn't help but admire the wounds, turning her arm in the mirror to get a full view of them. Scars. That's what they said she'd have, scars. She had never had outward scars before, all of her damage was on the inside from years of abuse. Now she'd have scars some on the outside. Disgusting. She was already beginning to hate herself for it. Elizabeth had to restrain herself before she put her fist into the mirror and caused more damage. She didn't need any more of her blood shed, especially not when she was being picked up by Dexter shortly. Grinding her teeth to get control of her temper she dropped her arm and stormed out of the bathroom. She wasn't sure she could look at her disgusting body anymore. She breathed heavily as she sat herself in the chair in her living room. Her dark temptations were starting to get to her. She felt agitated, she needed release but she wasn't prepared for it. She wasn't physically strong enough to make sure that she didn't get caught but she was beginning to deteriorate from the inside. Every muscle in her body ached, pleaded, moaned for the release that only a kill could give her. She needed it. She couldn't wait any longer. 3 weeks in the hospital under surveillance to make sure she was healing properly before they let her out was enough to make any sane woman go stark raving mad. She wasn't an average sane woman but the lack of victim, or even prospect, made her a risk to everyone. Even Dexter. Elizabeth couldn't see him tonight. She needed to kill something. If she saw him then she might lose herself and try to kill him. She needed to get out of there but she knew if she left then she was going to kill someone recklessly but if she stayed then she put the one person that held her interest at risk. She had to go. Elizabeth stood up and grabbed her keys. As she reached for her coat... Knock. Knock. Knock. The sound made her freeze. She was caught. No not caught, but she couldn't escape the date now. Elizabeth took a deep breath, grabbed her purse, placed her keys inside before she opened the door to see Dexter's smiling face with a single Lily, how appropriate. She gratefully accepted the flower smelling it momentarily, “Thank you.” “You look, nice,” he said as his eyes looked her over before they came back up to her face. “Thank you again. Shall we?” “Yes, we shall,” he said offering her and arm. Elizabeth stepped out of her apartment, carefully locked her door before she took his arm. “Thank you for coming with me. I know you've had a rough past month,” he said looking down at her with a smile. “Trust me, I'm glad to be out of the house,” even though I'd rather be finding something or someone to kill. Elizabeth's body felt like it was freezing yet on fire. She wasn't sure how long she'd be able to last before she'd snap, and the date just started. Gratefully Dexter opened the door to allow her to seat herself in his car. She slid in slowly, carefully. He was soon in the car beside her, lights on and car started. The date was on and all she could think about was what was in that car that she could wrap around his neck and kill him with. Elizabeth took a deep breath as she rubbed her hands together nervously. This was wrong, she shouldn't need a kill so soon after her last one, 4 weeks was not a long time between kills, if you did them more often then people got suspicious. The ache wasn't about the kill, no it was about redeeming her pride after being violated. Without the actual culprit that stole her dignity she had to torture some other man to get a similar satisfaction. She needed blood on her hands, in her control. Her choice on how fast or slow it falls. She needed to show him who was boss. She needed... “Are you okay?” Elizabeth's eyes shot to Dexter, a little more venomous then she had intended. “You just look really nervous. I promise I won't bite.” That wasn't the problem. Elizabeth huffed her frustration. “I know. I just feel...” she wanted to tell him honestly, go to jail, die, kill or go home, “empty right now. The man took something from me. Something I can't exactly explain without sounding strange but I want it back and despite how much I want, no, need it. I'm not ready for it,” she clenched her fists, kneading her thigh with her knuckles. “What did he take from you?” “He took my,” pride, sex appeal, faith in myself, “happiness from me. You've been the only thing that's kept me from hating myself. I just feel,” disgusting, angry, frustrated, violated... Elizabeth hadn't noticed that the car was stopped but when Dexter gently moved her chin to look up at him, it was apparent now. “A sadness that eats you from the inside out?” “Yes,” she breathed. “It will go away.” “I don't know ho...” she couldn't help herself, he was so close. He smelt of blood again and now that she had her lips pressed against his, he tasted of it as well. She was sure that both the smell and taste were just in her head but that didn't stop her from pressing harder. It wasn't like Elizabeth to get so physical. She preferred her loneliness normally but the kiss was a personification of her frustration, her ache. She needed something to dull the need, to dull her senses although the kiss wasn't working. “Take me home Dexter,” she breathed breaking her lips from his, her fingers gently caressing his skin. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Elizabeth's eyes opened to see an empty pillow. She could hardly believe what she had just done, although it wasn't much of anything. Dexter had gotten her to his apartment and she fell asleep on his bed. Why had she fallen asleep? She didn't remember being tired before she had gotten there and yet, she had fallen asleep. Elizabeth rolled to her back, looking over the room. It was clean, modern looking. Nothing out of the ordinary that would lead someone to believe that he was like her. Which meant that if he was like her, he was careful. Elizabeth sat up, continuing her search of the room with her eyes for what would let her know if he was like her. She idly began to scratch her arm as she stood up. She began looking over the mundane items on his dresser, his nightstand. She opened his closet still scratching at her arm. Shirts, pants, suits. Nothing. “Sleep well?” a voice came from behind her. Elizabeth quickly spun on her heel to see Dexter a lot closer then she had anticipated. “I think so,” she replied with a breath of amusement. “You're bleeding,” he said pointing to her arm moving closer to her to look. He offered her his hand to her to inspect further. She gave it to him, her eyes looking down to the damage she had caused. She hadn't even noticed that she had broken the skin. “I am,” she said plainly. “I don't know what happened. I didn't even feel the itch,” she lied. She did feel the itch but it wasn't on her skin, it was under it, coursing through her veins in a place that only one thing could help scratch. “Let me get something to clean that up. Um... what were you doing in my closet?” he asked as he dragged her with him to the bathroom. “Looking,” to see if you hid what I think you are in there. “Looking for what exactly?” “I was just looking,” she told him as he moved deftly to grab a cloth and rubbing alcohol. He quickly ran her arm under cool water before wiping away the clear liquid and dabbing it with alcohol. The stinging from the alcohol brought her back down to earth. She felt almost centered with the pain, then it was gone and so was the control. She felt the numbing ache in her stomach, the need for a kill, for revenge. The itch. “There's not much in there except an old chest and my clothes,” he said as he worked. “What's in the chest?” “My father's gun.” “Why do you have it?” “Because we used to go hunting together and those were some of my best memories of my father.” Elizabeth nodded as he returned her arm to her with a bandage in place. Another scar, she thought sourly as her eyes went to the mirror where she could see them both. “Have you ever felt that there was something you knew about someone but you were too afraid to ask if you were right and the thought of it made you anxious?” “Well yeah, but I normally just ask them and if you're wrong they tell you, then you don't have to stress about anymore.” “But what if it was a secret, something no one was supposed to know.” “I guess it would depend on the what you knew.” “Dexter,” Elizabeth said, turning her eyes from the mirror up to the man himself. “I think you're like me.” “And what is that exactly?” Elizabeth looked in his eyes, trying to read what he was thinking, trying to gauge what he was going to do when he heard this. The ache roaring within her, her need to practically bathe in blood, to hear someone scream out her name and ask her to stop. She didn't know how to quiet it and she didn't have the ability to do it on her own, not yet, not without hurting herself further. She had to know, perhaps he'd help her. If he wasn't like her then perhaps he'd turn her in. If he wasn't then maybe he'd ignore it as delirium, or have her institutionalized. It would make the world a safer place, that's for sure. If he wasn't then she'd have to kill him. If he was then she may have to kill him. If he was she may have to let him live. If he was... “A Serial Killer.”
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