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  1. Morrigan

    Nervous Breakdown

    Alright, so I think I took on too much and I'm starting to feel the effects of it. I'm unfocused, I have a constant ringing headache. I want to finish things but when I start looking at it I start to feel a little panicky, which honestly, isn't anything like me. I have a few projects that have deadlines and this normally doesn't bother me but I've just been having such a hard time concentrating on it. I feel terrible, I know I'm letting people down, which just adds to my stress. I CAN DO IT. I know I can it's just the lack of focus just makes doing anything really difficult. What doesn't help? The fact that I keep having things add to the stress, like I got rear ended last week, I scraped my leg at the pool I mean it feels like a never ending pile that I can never get out from under. I have a day job, I have this other job I just don't know if I can do it without really going for it and not having the standard day job. The stress of having both, I think is the root of my issues with doing this. I want to focus but after a long day/week at work I don't feel up to working more. It's not that I want to disappoint anyone I just really really want to unwind and I feel that I'm just constantly letting everyone I know down in this situation. I am going to finish the current projects that I have and then take some time away from it for a bit and just see what I can do for priorities on this. I need to have me time and time for this so I think what really needs to happen is that I set hours for this other job. Whether it's Tues-Thursday from 5PM-9PM I think it's a boundary I need to set for myself. Help? Comments? Support? I feel like I'm drowning even though I'm not.
  2. Well I'm trying to get myself settled into new things, including a new theme for the site. I'm going to try and post more regularly again. I'm not sure I'll do daily posts like I tried to do before but I may try to do a post every three days. Other projects I'm working on right now are 3 story blogs. One is Knights of Cydonia One is Card Rebellion and the last is I <3 Fangs. The last one is a collaborative one with Ghost but the rest are just for me. I'm thinking I may start pouring my RP energy into these instead. I've been feeling the lack lusterness of just everything. It's likely the time of the year and all that jazz but things will hopefully go better. Move goals: Start Yoga again Write a post a day for one of my 5 blogs (Morrgasm, Morrigan's Madness, KoC, CR or I <3 Fangs). Try new dinner or dessert (or both) dish once a week. Post an image a day to Instagram. I hope you enjoy the new theme. I'll start displaying more of my space work as I go. Edit: Added instagram thing onto the list.
  3. Okay, so I administrate over at Distant Fantasies and as such, on a regular basis get to see new sites or existing sites as I just browse the DF Directory. As such I find sites that strike my fancy and while I am not a chronic site joiner I love to be able to suggest sites to my friends and I've noticed this blaring trend of waffling. Now I say that and your first instinct is 'wtf is waffling' but waffling is a failure for one to make up their mind. Mind you, I'm a queen waffler IRL. Next question you ask is 'wtf are they waffling about'? Well that's where it gets interesting. It's their word count. Now mind you, I'm an avid anti-word count advocate. I find that I have as much potency in a one line post as some people feel that you only get from hundreds, if not thousands, of words. That notwithstanding though, I don't like reading things like: We're a no word count site but...... But what? Are you a no word count site or aren't you? There is no buts in such a statement unless you're not, in fact, a no word count site. If you add in a "but we like to see at least three paragraphs" or "we prefer that you have at least 200 words" then why don't you make that you're minimum? A "no word count" site means that I can post one word or I can post ten thousand but there is absolutely no restriction on how many I am required to put into that post box. After I read this and it infuriated me, I talked to my boyfriend Cricket about this. Mind you, my boyfriend is a DnD based roleplayer, he uses his dice to determine things while I use communication with my partner. I asked him if he had this type of thing in his campaign, these types of players and he said that he did except his players are overly wordy for the sake of trying to cover all of there basis so they don't get killed. "I turned the knob to the left really slowly before pushing the door open, just as slowly as to not make a sound" and we both didn't know of a single person that was legitimately that careful, especially when you consider the setting. I explained to him that for my format that people felt themselves on a higher rank than you due to the amount of words that they post, no matter how relevant or important those words were to be able to progress the story line. The conversation continued and he asked about how relevant the post content was and I advised him 70-90 percent of it is fluff to fill the word count or time travel posting (time travel posting is responding to parts of the previous post because the previous roleplayer continued past that point and didn't giv eyou ample opportunity to respond even though your character, would in fact, respond). Time travel posting incites more time travel posting which incites more fluff to fill an arbitrary number for a ranking system that only exists in the minds of the players themselves. I'm a 17 year play by post roleplayer. I have been through the advanced years when 1200 words were the minimum to be considered a part of the roleplay elite of "Advanced" and I've been through the years that 600 words was that and now the new trend is "no word count but". I'm an advanced roleplayer and after all this time I've come to finally a zen point in my roleplaying time to have finally figured out that: This is just a game. I shouldn't feel like getting onto my roleplay sites is a job. There is no reason for this and I should feel like my relaxation hobby is a chore. Word counts make it a chore. A word count is an arbitrary number to keep up a fascist belief that more is better. I'm going to fill you in, that if it doesn't contribute to the plot then it's likely not worth your time to type it out. How many books have you read that a character inner monologues for pages, upon pages, upon pages, that actually keep your interest and doesn't progress the plot. Sure you can talk about your childhood tragedy for 400 words but how does that help your character now, or the plot that you are trying to progress but posting about how your character shifts uncomfortably and gets a look in their eye that someone might be able to see, that's proper writing. Yes, I reduced 400 words into a single sentence but the single sentence is far more potent. Word counts kill the muse. I've read posts that are amazingly long that give me absolutely nothing to reply to and one liners that speak volumes in themselves that inspire me to write a thousand words. If the situation calls for the post then post it but don't strangle me with your words because you are obligated or you feel a better sense of self by posting a longer post. It perpetuates a lie that your quality cannot be seen by posting something less then some arbitrary number. Confucius say: "Do not use a cannon to kill a mosquito." I can't say how appropriate this is. Your concise words should speak the volumes in your character actions. Really in the end you will play the site you're comfortable with and if that's the site that requires 3 paragraphs or nine million words per post, then so be it. I just request that you stop your waffling and either say your no word count because you are or say your a word/paragraph count site because that's what you are. There is no reason to have a but in your rule about count minimums if you have one set in your mind. Make up your fucking mind.
  4. So it shouldn't be much of a surprise to anyone that I'm a big fan of Halloween. This year is no different. All out crazy and I'm designing for comiccon too. I am sad that my daughter changed her mind last minute to Abbey Bomindable from Monster High but that is her choice. I was just hoping to go as a DC family this year. Maybe for Comiccon next year? So costumes: Troy is going to be Batman. Fae is Abbey Bomindable. Cricket is The Doctor. I will be Harley Quinn, the Arkham City version. I have had to custom make my custom to be up to my standards so I will likely take some pics so you can see my progress. I haven't quite finished but I have most everything figured out or partially made. I know I need to light a fire. I don't have boots yet but I am going to postpone that for now and just go with my black pair of boots. That and her under bust corset will be put off until comiccon. I will post pics later. Super excited.
  5. So I promised myself that I would continuously update my blog but it's apparent that I didn't do that. I mean my last post was months ago and it was forever before that too. To be completely honest it's been a lack of motivation. I have been busy at work and I come home and all I want to do is RP and watch TV. The sad part is that I haven't been getting a lot of RP done. I mean I post faster then most of my RP partners and it's a little exhausting because my muse ends up on overdrive and I have to come to a full stop. I've considered writing alone again but I find it boring compared to writing with others. Then there were considerations of a web comic again but I'm just not that good of an artist but I have a ton of ideas for it. I'm still working on it though I really feel that I need to create a buffer which is the hardest part. Sadly? What I think I need is to turn off the Internet for a few days and send my BF away so that he can play with friends. Get my kids over to their grandmas house and then just draw for a weekend. If anyone has any good advice on how to stay focused I'd love some. I'm having such issues with getting focused lately. I mean I haven't even been able to sit down and code for... fuck for a year? More? I just can't seem to do it. I can concentrate for small spats but I feel like I'm constantly interrupted and I can't sit still. On a lighter note? My son is doing pretty well in Kindergarten so far! I'm looking forward to my kids' school pictures this year! They were both super cute when they left the house. My daughter is becoming a great reader. I'm hoping she'll be way better then me because I'm terrible. My son can count to 40 so far. It was a hard road to forty but it's coming around. Otherwise there isn't really anything. Site updates: New site: Trek Into the Darkness New site: Star Trek RPG Joined site: Prey Staffing at: Distant Fantasies Attempting to work on the Character Mod and get it properly functioning on install. Working on Morrgasm. Halloween costumes: Fae wants to be Catwoman. Troy wants to be Batman. I feel that I should go with this theme and make a Harley Quinn outfit.
  6. So my boyfriend today said I need to focus my site creating juices toward one site and get the traffic up enormously and then from there market and see what we can do about possibly revenuing it and making it to where I don't have to have a conventional job anymore. Thinking about it, I agree but where to start? I don't have enough motivation most of the time to keep to one project (my current ten projects proving such a thing) and figuring out a way to drive traffic to my site is elusive to me. Of course I'm sure the first site that you think I should get going is probably Morrigan's Madness and that seems almost a good idea. It's the site I've had active and going for the longest and it's also my blog but I don't know of much that I could legitimately talk about that would drive more people to my site. I don't have much originality to be honest. I talk about my strife in life and who wants to hear that? Not even I like to hear myself whine and yet I do it on here like I'm some entitled blogger or something. <_< Not really but you get what I mean. Then there is my new site splash page Morrgasm which should be some sort of Morrigan content site with links to all of my projects, what I'm working on, what I'm doing. It'll likely have a feed from here to keep the information flowing. It seems like a good idea but what would I publish to this site to make it worth visiting other then links to my other sites. Transferring content I don't think is a good thing to focus on but I think that if I make it my MAIN site then it would be worth it. It would be like the ultimate splash page. Next possibility is to really focus one of my two comic ideas. Those have the most monetary potential if you consider it. There is Morrapocalypse or Wootflakes. Now Morrapocalypse is the Apocalyptic/Dystopic Comic that is there to both teach you something about surviving a dystopia and apocalypse as well as exposing some cliches. The skin is not done and I have no presence whatsoever but it does have a domain sister of Morrdystopia that has a forum on it. Wootflakes on the other hand is a geeky little spork that has mostly nerd humor. The skin is done but needs to be re-created and I already have some basis done I would just need to focus on getting them up regularly and advertising it. My other option is RPers Anonymous which is the site that I have the most focus on but the hardest time finding a software that is worth it and I can't afford to straight upgrade my server to a VPS to get the software that mostly works and I certainly don't have a few thousand to throw down to get it made and I'd have to go back to school to get the personal knowledge because all the crash courses that I've been through doesn't really teach me proper security and security is important for what I'm looking for. So this idea is my primary one but I don't have the money to throw at it. I guess with this, if I wanted to upgrade, I could do hosting packages for RPers for small fees and it would include cPanel but I don't know I guess it would depend I'd need enough interest in it to make up for the cost of the VPS. It' would be something simple like maybe 3 bucks a month or 5 a month with Morr Support. I guess I should see how the free hosting goes first. Last one is RP Status which is mostly supposed to be an addition to RPA so focusing on it would be silly other then posting to it updates. So it wouldn't be worth it without it's counterpart and see above for the problems with that. I guess there is one other, Faerie Reverie which is supposed to be a site (whenever I finish it) about kids especially my kids even though they drive me crazy. It could be something of an ideas to play with your kids (as I normally don't see pretty sites like it) but that would require me being a more involved parent and I don't have time for it most of the time. I'd have to figure out ways to make things fun for my kids without spoiling them. Another idea is to get Sex is Business off the ground which again would require a little money from me including getting my breasts done like I want to do and fixing my teeth. This one would be the site that I have photos of myself for sell in naughty ways. This is my preferred method but I don't know how to market a site like this. It would definitely be a ton of fun starting out with certain photos and moving from there but again what to do. My other domains like Knights of Cydonia, Card Rebellion, and Brain Damage are all RPGs so they aren't something to make money off of as they are simply hobby. The others Woothappens and Lady Pirate are re-directors to other domains and I just have them for prettiness and show. So needless to say these aren't options. Now what do I want to get from my endeavors? Enough money to financially support my ability to stay at home and work on them. This is my end all goal. With that it would give me the ability to do my other desires including writing a book without the drain of muse. So needless to say I'm already blech about this all. I want so much more and I can't attain it and I can't make a decision on what to focus on. I think my primary focus (until I decide) is to get Morrgasm up so I have my proper splash site and to-do list and determine my top priority. Feel free to post your opinion of this here as I'm always looking for feedback and suggestions. If you like an idea let me know and I'll try and put more weight on that.
  7. So today was Free Comic book day and I went to a comic store in Star Trek garb for a paramount pictures thing to! Totally won a pair of tickets to the screening of it here in AZ. I'm so stoked! I can't wait to be there! [gallery ids=4173,4174,4175,4176,4177,4178,4179,4180,4181,4182,4183,4184,4185,4186,4187,4188,4189,4190,4191,4192,4193,4194,4195,4196,4197,4198,4199,4200,4201] These are pics of everyone I was able to get or steal pictures of so enjoy! Everyone was awesome.
  8. So I got this writing prompt thing and I'm going to try and stretch my writing limbs and use it and post the short stories in here for you all to read. So look forward to them soon.
  9. Morrigan

    More hours

    Some days I wish there were more hours in the day. If there were more hours in the day I could get more time to do things, spend more time with my kids and sleep more. All the things I feel I need but never feel I have time to do. I mean I have plenty of time with my kids (because I guess having a want for more time with my kids makes me a terrible mother or something like that) but more time would always be nice. I mean who wouldn't want to hear more stories from your kids or help them more on their counting or the letter B that they can never seem to remember? I don't know. I am taking five minutes of my time to type this up because I with I had more time to do this and work on other projects but I have to sacrifice each of them for something else that I need to do or someone else I need to see. I swear, if I can suggest something, never become an adult. being an adult sucks. Kid 4 life!
  10. So I love my kids and because I love my kids I work. While this is good it makes me feel slightly bad because the things that they are not succeeding in makes me feel like I'm failing. Like my daughter. I know she can read, I have watched her do it, but because I'm not there a lot of the time I feel like I'm not succeeding in helping her further her skills. I feel that my lack of reading to her while she was younger has stunted her ability to read. I feel like an all around bad mother. I know I'm not, don't get me wrong. I'm there for my kids when they need me. I'm the fluffy stern woman that keeps them safe from monsters and darkness. It doesn't make it hurt less that my daughter is struggling to read. Now with that said she's going to summer school.... Yes a kindergartener in Summer School but I'm doing this to keep her from being a 7 year old Kindergartener. It's scary to think that she's not in second grade already but I have to stay strong for that. Adding to that I miss being at home with my kids. I remember when I was able to be home all the time and it hurts not to have that connection with them anymore. :( I live with it though, not happily. On the brighter side to that my boyfriend, affectionately called Cricket, has been an extreme help and rock for me and my wishy washy-ness. He helps with keeping me on the line of being stern but leaving me to my fluff. I definitely need him and love him to death. He keeps me grounded and sane. It's very nice having someone like him in my life. He also watches my kids for me when he can while I'm at work. This by itself helps me because it means I see my kids more. It's wonderful. I guess there is more but I've lost my train of thought. Hopefully I'll get to update this more soon.
  11. Morrigan

    Bonuses

    So I am one to admit I'm not super exorbananly happy with my job but C'est La Vie. I need a way to take care of myself and my kids and so a job is required. As such I've been working hard to get a pay raise and a bonus promised for good stats and attendance. I've been anxiously awaiting for this ever possible pay raise for 5 months. I got it! I got the Pay raise. I got the bonus... Now what does that mean? I know you're thinking "Uhhh... congratulations?" well yes! This means I can get a new computer to get back into my sites and groove and I'll have it all back to normal again... Well sort of. I'm not intending to get another laptop, I'll be getting a desktop finally. I don't think I've owned a desktop since I've personally owned computers. I know my parents did. So I'm so estatic right now that I've been bounding out of my skin all week. Now all I have to do is make the decision on the computer I'm going to make or build. Just thought you all may like to know!
  12. Morrigan

    Low Self Esteem

    So this isn't a new revelation to me. It was developed in lower school grades and as I got older it didn't go away. It's still a major issue for me to know that I'm doing good or looking good or whatever rendition thereof that I need to make sure that I'm living up to or better then people's expectations of me. I know, particularly shallow of me, but it's majorly where my shiny attitude comes from. Shine on me or be shiny around me and I'm a shiny person if I don't get shined on then I'm normally gloomy. It makes sense if you think about the sun and clouds. <_< So I have my boy and I love his cute little face to death but when I start to get a little down the small amount of affection, that was getting me down in the first place most likely, drops off the face of the earth which just plummets me into a very sad and serious panda. Last night I had a breakdown. He was on the game again and I was missing my kids and my affection from any facet. I was not feeling so shiny and it's hard for me to relay these things most of the time verbally (normally I just beg for attention in other ways, shaking my bum or getting in your face or try to get touchy feely or my worst case scenario is sighy and quiet). I feel like everything I say is clouded to him because I back it up with emotions no matter what it is. He thinks it's a device or something and I just try to hide it now but that just makes me all the more frustrated. I've considered ways to approach him about it but I can't find one giving up instead and I'm afraid that if I don't find this way and keep conceding defeat then I'm going to explode (as I normally do with these things) and then all hell will break loose (as they normally do) and I don't want it to happen that way I want it to work out but I don't have a good way to say, "just because I'm depressed doesn't mean you should drop affection." it's frustrating me. I'm confused. I'm hurt all over. I know part of this is my normal lack of children interaction during the days at work. I get default affection from them, even if it's simply "MOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM" or screaming and crying. I still get it and I know I'm needed and wanted. My things are always there for me and I love them all the more for that but I want the boy to be there for me to. I wish there was a "How to read signals" or "How to read minds" book that I can read and introduce to my boyfriend because I think this would fix most of my problem here. I do appreciate you guys listening to me rant. I feel a little less upset and angry about it now because I sound a little silly I know. I also know that I do need to find a positive way to negotiate an understanding of how to make me feel better when I don't feel great. Normally even forcing me to stop and just giving me a hug and a passionate kiss would help. I just like to feel wanted no matter what is gong on. The world could be crumbling around and life still wouldn't be that bad. I want this to work but I can't keep trumping what I need because he gets mad at me.
  13. So I feel that my Morrgroove or Morrmojo or Mojo-Jojo is gone and never coming back. I feel uninspired dull and downright blechy most days. I'll sit at my computer and things that make me inspired and happy to do online feel like chores. It's not supposed to be this way. My hobbies should feel fun and exciting to come home to. I should want to get all of my other stuff out of the way so I can sit down and enjoy the happy things and life. But I don't and it depresses me. So the normal responses that I'm sure I'll here is "Get a new hobby" or "If it depresses you then find out why" well I don't know why. I love being at my computer. I love writing. I love coding websites. I love making images. I LOVE Rping and yet all of these things don't inspire me at all. This could be the 12 hour days at work but really if that's what is killing it for me then why did I enjoy them in the first place? Because it killed time? I used to itch to get home and turn on my laptop and see all the amazing things I missed that day and regret missing it. Now it's just one more thing I need to do. I need my Morrmuse back. It's gone and I can't find it. If you see her please send her straight back with my brain. It would be muchly appreciated.
  14. Morrigan

    NaNo Begins

    So the month of NaNoWriMo begins and I am ill prepared and barely aware. >_< I have been sitting, considering what I would write about for three weeks, never making solid plans and now it's here and I have little to no idea what I will be writing about during the tumultuous time of NaNo. I have nothing more then a basic world idea and the fact that I want to write about it. Morrfail! So what does this mean? I need to go crazy about thinking at work on my breaks and my time off of the phones to figure out what direction I will go after work and really hammer some stuff out. On average I will have 2 hours a day to actually get any writing done. I don't think that I've ever powered out 1600 words of writing per day in 2 hours but I'm certainly going to try. At the moment my ideas are to either continue Supermassive (the novel I started last year) or start one of two ideas. One is a Girls Run the world novel about how their is an STD that kills women or one about how an innocent company creates an overbearing Social media platform that creates a dystopia. I think the former is the one I've decided on I just don't know the perspective I was writing from. I was pretty sure I was going to do it post war but maybe I'll do it pre-war but at the same time I have to figure out who is writing the story and why. Work will have it in for me. I better start the headache meds now. Well to the work chopping block and headache and to the NaNo not prepared grind! I can do this!
  15. So I'm sitting here, staring at my computer screen, flirting with a guy via text and not able to really concentrate. Now, at first you'd think that I am not able to concentrate because of the flirting but texting is s sort of basic function in today's society, I can do it with my eyes closed almost so it's highly doubtful that it's the source of my distraction.So I continue to try to figure it out why I'm so scatter brained when I'm trying to write. Well I discovered my problem... the Internet. I started reading the most recent chapter of my Dexter fanfiction and I got a few paragraphs into it before I clicked onto Google+, then onto Knights of Cydonia (My RP) then onto Morr Dystopia (My Dystopia site). Afterward I did a few mundane things and then returned, forgetting of my prior plan to write. Now, I'm back to remembering but I'm tired which does not make a good brain for writing but the need/want to write. So now I will have to wait until tomorrow to write my next Dexter chapter. I think I will blame the temporary blonde hair for the ditzy behavior (although it's not uncommon)
  16. Morrigan

    Networking

    So if you knew it or not I'm working on writing a book and to do that I've been reading a rather informative book on how to get myself published. Mind you I'm an extremely slow reader and I have had little time to actually do any writing with being exhausted from work but I'm trying really hard. I have my game plan in motion on how I want to continue I just need the time and focus to do so. So, back to the explanation, it talks about networking and making a market for my book, finding that market or seeking it out. Now, that sounds like a great plan but I find a few flaws with that system. Who is my market? While I want to believe everyone is my market, obviously my market will stray to the Sci-Fi fantasy people and even maybe on the slightly gothic side. Well Sci-Fi is an extremely broad realm, where would I start? Well you'd think at Sci-Fi sites, but I go to a Sci-Fi site and all I see are things about pace and things. So I have a niche of Sci-Fi right? Dystopia. Because that is a sub genre for Sci-Fi that my book should fall into. Where do I go for Dystopia? http://dystopia.com/ That's the obvious choice right? But where is the community behind that? There are great film and book suggestions there but where is the community I'm looking for. So lets google it. When you google Dystopia you get facts and lists of Dystopia as a genre, still no community right? Well what about who inspired it? Muse. Well there is a great community that follows muse but what would make them interested in a "Muse inspired Dystopia"? What would draw that crowd to me as a writer? Well our love of Muse but I'm not a deeply musical person. I love music but how does that fit in with a book that I want to publish to promote it? Well get the people and they will love it? Well I want to but how does one wriggle there way into the community of something so intertwined? What would one do to try and reach out to other Muse fans and tell them that I am inspired to write a book that might be to their fancy as it is inspired by the same music that they listen to? How would one truly integrate themselves? Well there is always building a website? Well I have websites. I have many in fact. I even have a roleplay based in the world that I have created for this book, mind you it is far more lax then the actual book will be because I have to make it playable but it is a website dedicated to the world the book is in. Then get people attracted to the site! Ok! Come to http://knightsofcydonia.org join and RP! Did it work? Did I get you hooked enough to join? Have questions? Ask me there. *tests said theory* Another method is to do things like Podcasts and Tweets and Facebook about myself, about my book, about things my book is about and things like that. Well that's fine and dandy if I were making a book on how the world today is a Dystopia but I am not (mind you I do believe modern day America is a modern day Dystopia, ruled and controlled by the market, want to know more show your interest and I will blog about it). Now Podcasts, Sure, I'll do a podcast but what would it be about? Same things I've been talking about? I really want to start building this world of people interested in my work but really where does it start for a fiction writer? Where would I push to get people to like me as an author? My answer to that is through my blog here. While I only update semi-regularly I think that this is my best bet to gain any interest whatsoever. I do post my chapters to my Fanfiction here. I think that I may try to write short stories and post them here too. I certainly think that it would do me a world of good to concentrate on something that will focus me artistically, even if I'm tired. It says to work hard and work tirelessly. Well I'm already tired so lets either get changed into a vampire or turned into a zombie so I can work even harder. I want to do this. I CAN do this! I have never wanted something to be completed so badly in my life. Here is my attempt as a working tirelessly person: I will try to post something on this blog at minimum bi-weekly. I will try to post a short story set in the world I am creating at least monthly. I will try to keep this schedule as best as I can, even when stressed, tired or otherwise physically and mentally strained. I will try to respond to all tweets/facebook requests and blog comments in a timely fashion. I will try to keep up with my social networking medias so that you know that I am diligently trying to get this done. I will try to post updates as far as which chapter I have completed and how many words are done on the story, periodically. I will try to be a better person/mother/girlfriend/daughter/sister even during times that I may feel pressured or sad. I will try not to cop out and talk only about my emotions, having ideas and writing them down when I get them. I will ask for advice on things that I may not know much about. I will make myself as available as I can to both connect with people and be helpful in things that you may need help with. I will get published no matter what it takes.
  17. Morrigan

    Editing

    Oh the pain and pleasure of editing! Pretty much I have gotten stuck somewhere around chapter 7 which is 50 pages into the story. Now I know why I'm stuck, I have neglected important information that one of the characters needs in order to continue on. Well that is never a good thing and often time gets to what I'm stuck in... writer's block. I'm not fully blocked I'm just having a hard time continuing with the story since the character that needs the information doesn't have it. So what should I do? Well if you are like half of the other writers that I know that say "just keep writing" then leave me be. You obviously have no idea, not only how, but why my brain works the way it does. If you are a psychologist perhaps you could tell me. Pretty much, since the story doesn't have the information my muse/character/person that I'm writing for refuses to continue to write as if they have the information. since they refuse to write I have to go back and fix it. Why not power through it like half of the other writers in the world seem to think I should? Because it doesn't feel right, it doesn't work to just keep going. If the character needs the information just powering through it may leave that information out, even in edits. So my brain shuts down until I fix it. So that being said I have been working on re-reading the previous parts of my story and editing as I go to find the best place to interject the information that I need, to add it so that the character has it. now re-reading some of my chapters I see some of the more major flaws that I had in them. They are even a little stale or lacking in detail which makes me glad for this initial re-write. It makes me happy that I can question my motivation and how I'm portraying the information to the reader. I now know that I need to put forth more detail in my work. More mannerisms, more information. I realize that I show absolutely no motivation or information for why Fillip or Violet are the way they are or even what happened to Violet and Kane. After this realization I also realized that I never intended to elaborate so you would just have to deal with half the information that you would need to properly understand the character dynamics between them so I need to add that information in somewhere as well. Like how long have Violet, Fillip and Kane known each other? Are they friends? Lovers? Have they ever been? Will they ever be again? What is their relation to one another in the story? While I know that information, I realize that I'm not providing that information to the reader. So in essence a pre-edit edit to fix my writers block is proving to be a good thing. In other news I am thinking about finishing Card Rebellion, the Alice in Wonderland RP I was wanting to work on. I have it half done. I need to finish the detail information and the premade list and once I've done that then I think it would be ready. I think I would definitely need a reliable co-admin, someone that could be there when I'm not. Unfortunately I can never seem to find one of those. Madness news we have a Facebook Connect app so if you like my facebook page you will get Madness updates every time I post. So please do so and you will get e-cookies. I may also be adding a Facebook widget to the sidebar so I can see who loves me most. <333 ;) I have also joined a few Sites, if you want to friend or add me on them just send me a message in any fashion you know how to get a hold of me (which normally is a lot of ways) or PM me on the site directly. The sites I've joined are as follows: RedRoom Authonomy GoodReads Add me, follow me, whatever. I <33 you if you want to chat. Definitely have no problem doing it while I'm online. Lastly, I think, Knights of Cydonia is doing very well. The activity picked up last week so if you want to be a part of my story book world before it even reaches print (it's sort of a laxer AU version but it works) then come check us out and join Knights of Cydonia!
  18. So, I have a new boy that I am dating and he has a somewhat obsessive ex that thought that he was cheating on her with me because we chatted on IM. Long story short it wasn't true. He broke up with her and now she's causing a big massive amount of llama drama which is sadly not llama-ey, just drama-ey. Now to continue this fantastic story the other day she sent the boy in question a message that appeared to be a copy and paste of a FB conversation that she had started with me. Mind you, I have only sent her one correspondence and that was because she demanded one from me , to the boy. So I sent her a message back, that was pre-approved by both my Internet wife and my boy before I sent it. SO, this message was as follows: Just so you know, we did sleep together. He's not yours to control and he can do whatever he wants. Also the hickeys were from me, but had I known he wouldn't last that long I may have thought twice. So you know what why don't you stay away from him. He doesn't want you anymore. He's found a better woman to be with, he doesn't even know you exist anymore so just give up! He told me how bad you were, how crazy you are. Well guess what, now he's mine just like I knew he'd be. So get lost and stay away from MY man. Now reading that, if you don't know me, is pretty good attempt at trying to pretend to be me. Unlike this person, there is capitalization and punctuation and even seems somewhat coherent, it's not even close to something I would write. Lets break it down on how Un-Morrigan like it really is. First things first, I ALWAYS name the puppy. I don't care if you know exactly what or who I'm talking about, if I'm being administrative in any way I name the puppy so Geo( my boy's name) would have been mentioned first sentence. While I can be talkative I'm not long winded. If anything, as you can tell, I am rather blunt. I tend to not use the phrase Just so you know, especially when I'm talking to someone that I'm not on good terms with. It's just not a common phrase unless I'm on the phone informing someone of something extra. This information that I supposedly wrote was not just a "so you know" thing. This correspondence that I wrote is more or less a "bitch please" and so the phrase doesn't fit. The "he can do whatever he wants" sounds so South Park-ish to me. I guess maybe but I would keep any correspondence with this woman, to be honest, about her and not about my boy, since that's actually where the problem lies. I find the word hickeys lewd. I much prefer a gentler term like "Love Bites" or "Marked" I would never discuss sex with someone that I didn't feel comfortable about it with. Which I don't really care but I mean I certainly wouldn't talk shop with an ex. Not really my thing. If you guys really want to know the truth? He rocks my socks. I am not a jealous person, I actually support being friends with people that need it. Then again I may not support him being friends with her just because of her negative behavior but that's mostly because I've had enough negativity in my life to know that it doesn't get you anywhere, just sticks you in the mud and makes it difficult to move forward. I don't believe that he doesn't want her, well maybe he doesn't, but honestly I know that people that have long relationships, regardless of how they act, care in a deeper manner even if they aren't the right match for one another. I do believe that he would like to be friends with her because I think he does respect her despite her flaws. I, by no means, think I am a better person then this woman. I just know I'm different, nothing more, nothing less. I absolutely do not believe that he doesn't know she exists anymore. She texts him all the time and he doesn't ignore her (did you know I had mind blowing 69 sex that I don't even remember. Neither does he.Weird. It must have been so amazing we both got a bout of amnesia about it.) He did tell me about the jealousy and things but I would focus on that. really, it's her life, she should live it how she wants it. I never said I knew he would be mine. Hell, had he said he had a girlfriend I wouldn't have even have thought he was on the market, not even a small bit. I don't tell people to get lost, I tell them to gtfo (get the fuck off). I would never say "MY man!" it sounds too Jerry Springer. Not just that there is no exclamation to emphasize it. I would simply say mine. I also don't single space anything unless I'm writing disconnected thought sentences that relate to one another. Lastly, I probably would have summed the entire thing up in about two sentences. "Stop being a fucking cunt licking bitch and take care of your daughter instead of focusing your life problems on someone that, honestly, should be commended for putting forth the effort to help someone that honestly doesn't appear to want to help themselves. Have a good life, I wish you and your daughter the best and I can't wait until we can maybe be friends.<333 Morr" I'm sure there is more but that's all I feel the want to talk about. Needless to say my boy wants to talk on the phone and is fucking distracting me from writing any further so I will leave it here and bid you ado and enjoy the lols because Morr <33's you! Feel free to post your comments if you want.
  19. While I, as a RPers, know what it is like to be behind the grind of your posts being behind on NaNo is exhausting. At least on a RP you can tell someone that your reply may take a few days and then you have a grace period with NaNo if you get behind it's like a scramble to get caught up. I didn't NaNo for 5 days because I was exhausted after my daughter's birthday and I'm still behind. I feel like I'm never going to get caught up writing 2K to 2.5K every night before bed and I'm still 2.5K words behind. It's tiring! Good gravy it's tiring! I stay up until midnight every night and get up at 6:30 every morning. I'm ready for a break! The only problem with taking a break means that I have to do more catching up. No rest for the weary I guess. I'm hoping that here in the next day or so I will get caught up. Zayzie has been helping me push to get the words out but I haven't surpassed quite yet. I know that the Writer's chat room helps. OH! WTF Batman!? I write similar to the way I RP but I have a particular tactic that I make sure my story is cohesive and if something doesn't work right that is stopping my ability to continue forward then I fix it before I continue. WHY the HELL!? would everyone sit here and tell me to skip it and move on. If it's not working right now how in the hell is skipping it to go to the next part going to make it any better? All I'm doing is continuing the dredge of the not making sense world and it won't make any more sense if I keep writing or not. In fact it will probably make less sense and then I'll just have a mass jumble of words by the end of it. Don't tell me to just "skip it"! That doesn't work. Skipping the problem doesn't make the problem go away. Trust me, I have an ex husband and if I could skip over the problem I would but I can't. It has to make sense or else I dwell, I brood, and I can't write. I have to fix the problem!!! I don't understand how anyone thinks that skipping the problem will make it go away or make it work somehow. Changing/fixing is the only way to go. Ask Tim Gunn. RAWR!!!!!!!! Note to everyone that wants to help me when I say a scene isn't working: Cheer me on! Help me work it out! Give me a pat on the back! Snug me! HELP ME! DON'T, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS LIVING, TELL ME TO SKIP IT! That fucking aggravates me more then life itself! Also, for the past few weeks my life (particularly my driving life) was filled with music fail. First, on the cable Dance channel there was all medium speed unfamiliar dance music and it wasn't all that dancey, it was more of a trance and it wasn't inspiring to do anything. Then in the car, every time I get in, either it was the same song or the commercials for most of my trip. I mean, commercials keep music free but seriously!? I don't spend that much time in the car and listening to commercials is just major fail and it was bull! Thank you for listening. Until next time everyone. Same Morr time, same Morr channel!
  20. So NaNo starts in just a few days (you'll see a NaNo widget go up into the sidebar when it does and I would appreciate cheerleaders and support during this treacherous and tumultuous torment of tantalizing typing) and I'm at a loss for what to write. Now don't get me wrong, I know the genre, I know the world, I know most of the characters but it's the story that I don't know about. To explain further. I've started a world originally inspired but the music group Muse that eventually became it's own little place in the fiction setting and is now a complete world, with maps, and gizmos, an way of life and everything. It's a Futuristic Dystopian society and if you want to take a peek feel free. The place is called Knights of Cydonia. So that being said, I have the setting and I have quite a few plots as I have quite a few characters to follow along with arcs that encompass them all. My problem is which story should I start off with. The story that I want to write, because I am putting off creating the character in the game right now, is a story about my character Mordria, who is a Gypsy that gets driven away from her family pack. It is an inspiring little story because I have the beginning (minus the introductions that I like to do) all planned out in my head. The problem? Is I don't really have a direction to go with it. I don't have middle even though I do have an end. So I can't write a story without the meat but I don't know what her purpose is in the story in my head. Now on the other hand I have a completely thought out, what should happen from beginning to end story but after considering what is involved to happen I don't think it's the first book and starting in the middle of a series just seems silly but it might be my best option at this point but it doesn't alleviate the problem that it's not half as inspiring as the Mordria plot although it is more developed. Another possibility, of course, is that I spend the next six days pondering the beginning. What started what I have now in the world. How far back do I want to go? I mean the site has a 1100 year old history. Should I write a story about the breakdown in society? I think that's one of those chronicle books that comes out way after ta majority of others but it would technically be the beginning. When the government rose to power and did their dastardly things but I sort of want to keep some of that stuff safe from the readers and expose it like a blooming flower. I could also go with a Samuel Gufner time line, when the knights were founded but that's again something that I don't want to fully expose until later. I have been developing this world for 6+ months and I don't know where the beginning is. I guess my best bet would be to start with a character that is involved in it. Theresa Pulsar would be the character for the New Born Program along with her husband Casius and their family. Again New Born Program is not the beginning of the story. Violet could be a good start but the question is I don't know where she begins and her story ends. I think what I should do is start with Julian and Violet. Maybe something romantic! NO! I have it. Julian, Violet, Fillip falling out! This will work wonders.... Maybe. I think it will. This will be perfect. the Story Arc will be Violet's falling apart, my plan for her in the game so this will be a fun story to write. Thanks for listening to me get it in order. Story to write: Violet's falling out with the Knights and her redemption.
  21. So this morning I awoke remembering a piece of my dream. It was one of the strangest dreams I think I've ever had. Now to start off I only started watching the guys youtube videos because he reads Twilight in a way I can understand without torturing myself through actually reading it and I think his commentary is hilarious (and a friend showed it to me) but I've never really watched much more then that, except the Atheist's puzzle thing about two days ago. As for attractiveness, I don't know. I don't think he's unattractive but this is just plain weird. So my dream The man that was in my dream was Nerimon aka Alex Day. And the dream honestly wasn't very long but weird. I think it was a combination of reading spam yesterday and exhaustion or maybe some subliminal message that I like men that are unavailable (which I already knew and knew why). First part of my dream involved this blog and Nerimon commented on my blog. I don't know what it said because, well it was a dream I can't read things in dreams. But I was so excited because I honestly don't get a lot of legit comments but I know it was a compliment on my last blog post. I got all stoked and he started reading my blog regularly and we became friends. Then it's starting to get hazy so I'm starting to lose the dream here. I remember it ended up with Nerimon and I in some sort of bizarre relationship and we were very happy about it. Disclaimer: I do not know Nerimon nor think that he reads my blog. I don't expect anything, the above was just a dream that I had last night. My interpretation of the dream Well I believe it's my brain telling me what I already know. I'm lonely (despite having my kids, it's an intimate loneliness) and I like to be infatuated with men that are completely unavailable to me. Why? Because I don't want to burden someone with my problems and my kids. It's a mean thing to do despite my yearn for romance and intimacy. Being divorced has pretty much solidified my intimate loneliness so I try to make up for it with my stories, obviously my fantasies and my kids. While my kids can't give me the romance and intimacy that I want they give me love which is enough and I know it despite want for more.
  22. Well I've not been updating this properly so I'm going to try and get back into this. Firstly, I have turned off the Twitter feed into my blog. I thought it was alright to start off with but really it's more or less just blog spam and I think it keeps me from posting properly in my blog so I apologize for that. I am trying to get back into a scheduled routine, Yoga, writing, baths, bed. Going to bed late is bad for me. T_T Secondly, NaNo starts next month so get excited for more updates about my writing. I'm actually hoping to take this opportunity and write a full story and see if I can get it published. With how things are going in my life it actually seems like the best course of action and I've been world building an RPG that I will be using as the primary setting. Thirdly I wanted to show everyone my awesome video! I am NO singer but I had fun and that's all that counts so I will warn you now that any comments on how bad of a singer I am I will delete it immediately. It was done to have some fun. It is a Spoof of Amanda Palmer's Leeds United song. Lets see what else. My daughter is doing well in school although I'm having problems keeping my kids from fighting and keeping my sanity. I am easily frustrated and not having a significant other to share the responsibilities with makes my life really frustrating. I mean I have mum to help offset it (and she really does help and put up with my bratty kids) but it's really hard all around. Ijust need to work on breathing and patience. Hopefully Yoga will help, I need something to help center me and I think that it will help me with my patience issues. I hate being impatient but I'm having a hard time not being impatient. In the coding world I've been developing a Character mod for IPB3. It's working very well so far I'm adding and fixing things as I go. My current project is custom fields but I haven't started working on it yet but I think it will be relatively easy, especially to override the UserInfoPane info. ------------------------------------------------------- Today's dilemma is something that I'm not sure should concern me. I've been wanting to create another character on my site which would make 10 (or 11 if you include DORIS) which would just solidify my role in having 10 out of the 20 characters on the site. Now while I don't mind having a lot of characters (I'm active with each of them and none are in danger of anything) but I feel that it's almost overkill to have so many characters. The problem is that I have so many ideas knocking around in my head and I want to play them out but I'm afraid that it would scare potential members that I am monopolizing the RP with my characters although it's more because there are so few members that my characters aren't offset by others' characters. T_T It makes me feel bad because I have the most amount of characters but it also frustrates me because I want to make another character because I have a good idea and I think it should be my choice to make since it is my creative energy. Now, I had decided last night to make the character and I'm back to being wishy washy on it. I think that it would be a great character to create but I think that I should hold off but that just artistically frustrates me and my muse. I think I will wait for a few more characters to show up before I make her and perhaps I will choose to write my NaNo story on the woman to put it out creatively. Thanks for listening to my plight while I decided on this, although I still fight to not make the character I think that I will wait until the KoC story furthers and it has been around longer for her to step in or that we get 5-10 more characters on the site. ------------------------------------------------------- Now the last thing I think of is site changes. I am going to change my layout here on Morrigan's Madness. The colors should stay relatively the same as they are two of my favorites, it's that or pink. I also am going to create a Listing and maybe start up a fanlisting or two. I will most likely begin to get my site linked at other places so look forward to seeing a lot of changes here on MM but they may be slow, my first priorities is scheduling my life, KoC and RPers Anon. I think that you will all enjoy the changes as I will be adding Twitter stuff, Facebook Stuff and more. ^_^ That's it for now. Enjoy and thanks for reading.
  23. Morrigan

    The Red Queen

    Okay. I am not going to apologize again. I haven't been posting. It's been hectic. I'm trying to get back into everything. To add insult to injury I didn't even post the last two weeks of webcomics. I will be getting that done soon. SO! LET ME GIVE YOU A FEW UPDATES! LAST NIGHT! I was in a fashion show as the queen of spades. Are you ready to see me all scary and stuff? READY! REALLY! ARE YOU READY! *is a little hyper* http://s7.photobucket.com/albums/y290/cese/Red%20Queen/ BE AFRAID! In some of those photos I think I look a bit like Hatchet Face from Cry Baby. Other then that I think I looked awesome. The Fashion show was fun. I mentioned the fact that I was 25 and I was told AGAIN that I didn't look 25. Confused and not sure what to think, as this was about the 5th time I've heard it in the past 2 weeks, I mentioned the fact that I wasn't sure if it was a good or bad thing. I was told I looked 18 or 19. I felt pretty good. That's 7 years shaved off of my age so I am feeling pretty nifty at the moment. My daughter and son walked the runway as well. Troy walked with me and he did really good and my daughter walked with her best friend Avery and they got a adorable laugh and they enjoyed every second of the not waiting portions of the night. They absolutely loved the dresses my mum made, I loved the dresses my mum made and I WILL be getting more pictures soon. The ones I posted above are from after the show that I took when I got home, unfortunately everyone else got undressed pretty quickly. After the show I came home, tweeted like a mad woman and passed out! During the show some guys thought I looked awesome in my costume! My mum did a great job! Also a few looked like Glambert (aka Adam Lambert) Sadly I had more glitter in my hair then they had on them which made me a little more Glambert then them but they were still good looking. One of them looked like the actor that played John Connor in the original T2 movie. Older of course, like he had grown up, but he was really hot. Guyliner FTW! I'm moving soon. It wasn't planned but it is necessary so things are still stressful here. No promises on constant updates but I will be updating when I can. I will especially update when I'm less stressed because I enjoy giving everyone a play by play on my day. It keeps my brain a little more lucid which is good for an addled brain like mine. I'm back to RPing. I'm on two sites, one of which I own and operate. I am enjoying it but I am going to try and continue to write outside of RP but again, that whole stress deal. I've been more stressed then normal because I contracted myself to do some work and I felt a little more pressured then I would have liked. It made my brain shut down from IPB coding. I know I'm not willing to sacrifice my mind for something that will hurt me and my kids in the long run and so I'm done with that. I might still do freelance but it will have to be on my own terms. No more coding on someone else's terms or time. It is my time and my brain, people will have to live with it that way. I think that is it for now. I will post more hopefully tomorrow! Goodnight everyone!
  24. So I've still been stressed. I think I find it hard to write about my life when I'm stressed. I think that stems from the fact that if I write about my stressful life, while I'm stressed about it, it just makes me MORE stressed. It's just not very fun to say the least. So any of my loyal followers that like to read my random rants, I apologize. With the stupid stepdad stuff and then the move I've just not been all ranty and ravey. Well that's not true, I HAVE been all ranty and ravey but I just haven't been motivated to talk about it. Tonight isn't bad but I don't really have much to rave about. That is unless you count my ankle! So! I've been moving the past week and up and down stairs, lift, back pain, exhaustion right? Well this is awesome! I'm sitting here walking down the stairs with a big drawer from the armoire and I seemed to forget how the stairs worked, or the step vanished like in HP because I went from having 3 steps left until the landing to sitting on the landing floor with a hurting ankle and tears streaming down my face THIS WAS THE SECOND FUCKING TIME THAT THIS HOUSE ATTACKED ME THIS WEEK! The first time I was sitting down at the computer after a long days work, relaxing on the floor when BAM! the bed frame to my bed came crashing down on my head! (Awesome I just rhymed a little) It cut my head open and I was crying then too. I swear I haven't cried that much since my husband told me that he wanted a divorce or the last time that I thought about my brother Davey. Sad days in the Morrigan house. Right now I'm hoping that my ankle will improve drastically by tomorrow. I really hate hobbling and I hate not being to help like I should. I'm a strong woman, or not a wimpy one, and so I should be lifting things not frowning and hobbling about when I can't seem to get something or it hurts because I can't walk right. The kids like the new house though. Fae was given her own Harry Potter-esque room under the stairs. It was mostly because she was complaining about it and Grandma is awesome so she gave her, her own room. Grandma-win on this one. She went to bed down there tonight and we'll see how it works out in the morning. Really I just need to get a job so I can get my own place but the economy in AZ SUCKS!!! Just thought I'd put that out there. Also, the neighbors here are very awesome! Great kid neighborhood and the parents seem very friendly. I didn't even feel like an outsider, like my kids will be set apart, no, they seem to be fitting right in which is especially awesome. So, on top of Madness fail I'm also wootfailing at my webcomic. I haven't updated for a few weeks there either. about the same amount that I've been missing posting here. I will be changing that shortly though! I intend to be doing a week of webcomics starting Monday so that you all know that I'm not dead and that I love you for reading my bizarre stuff. I hope that will make up for the weeks miss and keep you reading for the weeks to come. Website updates? I'm a domain name addict. I just bought two new domains that will probably sit dormant until I figure out what to do with them. I got Woothappens.com and RPersanonymous.com. I know what I'm going to do with RPers Anonymous, it's going to be an RP resource forum for both administrators and roleplayers. It will probably start off on something self-hosted but if it grows enough I think I will ask for donations to upgrade it to IPB. (IPB is by far the best forum software in the world) As for Woot Happens I think that I might make it into some sort of site that you can submit your Woot moments and link it to Wootflakes. We'll see. ^_^ I think that's it for now. Nighty Night everyone! Unpleasant dreams.... or whatever that Elvira lady used to say.
  25. Okay. So I've been a major Morrfail lately and I've not been posting in my blog. I'm pretty stressed out but I hope to get back into my groves this week. I don't think it helps that I've been going to sleep at like 9PM, I must be getting old really. The last week or so has been relatively regular except for a few things, like my stepdad serving my mum with divorce papers. Bad day in the house. So why am I Melodramatic Morrigan? Well last night, while watching Bones *Weird I know but keep reading* I realized something that made me very depressed. I am twenty five with two kids and no opportunities for romance anymore. I'm going to die by my worst fear, alone. I was just thinking about how impossible it is to hold a romantic relationship with two kids, it's hard enough without them. I can't even think of a reason why someone would be interested in me. So I was thinking about it and I'm 25, not very old, and my life is (proverbial) already over. I can't image a person that would want to be with me romantically while I have kids, especially kids that are as young as they are. I am a romantic at heart and sometimes watching romantic movies, shows, reading books and all that jazz really hurts. I want would adore having someone romantically interested in me, but I know that isn't possible for me anymore. I am not sure that I would be able to accept romantic interest without a lot of pushing from someone that is interested in me. I'm very lonely and I fear I will always be lonely because there may be no room for romance left in my life and even if it showed up I'm not sure I would accept it or recognize it. I want it but how could I accept it? Forever lonely, Morrigan
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